this // narry au

104 & half. groundhog day

A/N: this chapter isn't really a chapter but it is, y'know?

I just wrote this so you can understand the next couple of chapters

Sorry for the typos btw I was editing while I was on the phone so it wasn't getting my full undivided attention

Also Harry Styles hands??????? comment if u agree

Harry has the best everything ever like fuck. Harry ain't human he's an alien I swear to god

He can't be human, it's inhuman to be that perfect at everything! And he was juggle! You know who else can probably juggle?! Aliens!!!!

Fun fact: I highkey believe in aliens btw like there ain't no way we're in this big ass universe alone

104.5 - Groundhog Day

I can't sleep.

I don't know if it's the fact it's been rainy constantly, or that Zayn and Liam are a permanent reminder of what me and Niall had, or that every time I look at Luna I'm hit with the constant reminder that she's Niall's dog and that he begged me to let him have her and now that she's here, and I'm here and everybody else he isn't here but I can't sleep.

I used to love sleeping. Sleeping was my favourite thing to do all day, every day.

But now I can't do it. I can't sleep.

Insomnia is something I know a lot about. Because when I was first diagnosed with depression, insomnia and I were best friends.

I was constantly tired and half asleep during the day, but when it came time for me to sleep at night, I couldn't do it. I could close my eyes and count sleep and focus on my breathing and all of that shit they tell you to do, but I just couldn't do it. The most I had slept when I was first diagnosed was like, three hours at the absolute most.

My body just refused to rest.

And it's all happening again, I feel like when I was first diagnosed and it feels like shitty déjà vu or Groundhog Day or something. I just can't do it.

Saying I was spiralling into somewhere bad would be an understatement. I felt like I was drowning in a pit of self-loath and I just feel like there's a giant, grey cloud following my every move and raining on everything I do.

I know I should talk to somebody about it. I'm surrounded by all these amazing people who care how I am, I just don't was to be a burden. I don't want to be on the list of people's problems.

Especially Niall. I don't want to worry Niall.

I sigh and sit up in the bed, glancing at Luna and Charlie, asleep in their little corner.

I lean my head against the bed frame and hug my knees.

I think too much.

I think about life and death and Niall and hospitals and prison and the future and the past and the wheels in my brain are constantly turning and I just want it to stop.

All this thinking has made me realize I definitely don't think as much as I should.

I am not street smart.

Niall, a criminal, begs to stay in my house and stay hidden. I knew damn well he was wanted-- that's a charge right there.

Another thing, why was I stupid enough to spontaneously steal a puppy. Like, bad bad bad idea. I love Luna, but whenever Niall asks me for something, I just seem to turn my brain off and do it. Whatever it is, I'll do it.