this // narry au

46. in the dark

A/N:
I FUCKCGIFN GOT TICKETS FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY I GOT TICKETS YESESYEYSYESYYES IM FINALLY SEEING THEM IN PERSON FUCK YES IM JUMPING ON STAGE TOO AND NOBODY IS STOPING ME

HARRY STYLES LOST ALL THE FUCKS HE GAVE AND I FUCKING LOVE IT SOSOSOSO MUCH HE'S BEEN SO HIMSELF LATELY AND IT'S AMAZING JUST CASUALLY ASKING SED QUESTIONS AND PLAYING ROCK PAPER SCISSORS WITH NIALL AND CONCEALING A BONER IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY LIKE FUCK YEAH

did you guys see the lirry interviews because Harry is a new freakin person omg he practically came out as bisexual in one of them so nonchalantly I shit myself

46 -

"I actually adore you two as a couple." Zayn announces, stepping inside. "You guys are so cute."

I sat on the couch (and put Charlie on my lap) to hide my ongoing boner but Niall decided it was best to sit directly beside me. (And now I'm kind of in fear of Niall coming up with some kink in which you have to jack off your boyfriend while he's trying to talk to his best friend.)

"Yeah," Niall doesn't even deny it as I rest my head on his shoulder, "I know."

"And I got you a gift!" Zayn exclaims. "You'll love it."

That gets my attention, "What is it?"

"This!" Zayn pulls out a bottle and I furrow my eyebrows.

"Hand lotion?" I ask. "Thank you?"

"It's lube." Zayn replies.

"Oh." I whisper as Niall snickers quietly.

"I got you guys strawberry, raspberry, lemon, regular, heat-up lube, invisible lube, super slick lube if your an anal virgin--" Zayn fake coughs twice and wiggles his eyebrows at me and I roll my eyes, "And my personal favourite, glow-in-the-dark lube."

"Why does glow in the dark lube exist?" I ask. "Is that toxic?"

"Why not?" Niall whispers into my ear.

"What if you're having sex in the dark with a girl and you don't know where you're dick is going? You could stick it in the wrong hole!" Zayn explains. "Dont they have like, 18 different holes down there or something?"

"It's true! Vaginas have too many holes! These are first world problems solved." Niall exclaims. "That's actually genius!"

Zayn runs up to Niall and they high five each other, before he throws himself on the armchair.

"Have you guys...done the sex?" Zayn teases, mocking my innocence.

"The sex." I repeat under my breath.

"Nope..." I reply before Niall does because he'd say something dumb.

"Are you sure? Because one day I was coming over to take a shirt I left over at your house and all I heard were like...Harry's moans. That's all you could hear on the floor! It was dead silent then just whimpering and moaning. I didn't even bother to like, knock. I just... left."

Niall smirks and I groan. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Do tell. I'm bored and I haven't masturbated or had sex for a few weeks. Was it a handjob? Was it a blowjob? Was he rimming you?"

"That's personal!" I exclaim.

"Blew him," Niall shrugs, proudness evident on his face. "Like a professional pornstar." He adds.

"But Harry's so quiet and timid? You really made him that loud? Are you even real, Niall Horan?" Zayn questions, tilting his head. "Are you seriously that good? Can I borrow you from Harry? Only for twenty-four hours. I'll bring him back in mint condition, fed and bathed--"