this // narry au

107. one last time

OKAY FIRST OF ALL WE HIT 2 MILLION WTFHAT THE ACTUAL FFUCKB I DIDNT EVEN THINK THIS BOOK WOULD GET PAST 10,000 OHH MY FUCKIGN GOD

A/N: IM LATE IM SORRY BUT I HAVE EXAMS BRUH THAT SHIT IS SOOOO TIME CONSUMING

This was two separate chapters but I made it into one chapter because y'all deserve long chapters

ACTUALLY THOUGH IM STILL BUZZING I CANT BELIEVE WE GOT TWO MILLION IM STILL NOT OVER MY ONE MILLION OR MY 750,000 WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK YOURE ALL AMAZING IM SO INCREDIBLY BLESSED AND LUCKY

DISCLAIMER I DONT KNOW JACK SHIT ABOUT HOSPITALS AND THE STUFF I SAY IN THIS CHAPTER SO DONT QUOTE ME

Sorry in advance for typos it's like 1AM

maybe there's foreshadowing??? Maybe I'm just saying this to scare you???? You'll never know

107 - one last time

I think there just comes a time in your life where you step back and look at a situation know that there's nothing you can do anymore to positively impact it, and you need to put it in somebody else's hands.

I also think I think too much.

My situation that I can no longer positively impact is Harry.

He's sick. He is mentally ill. He is depressed. And it's gone past a medication point, he needs somebody who will be there to watch him all day, every day. Who can monitor his eating habits and his sleeping habits and make sure he takes his medication and is happy.

I was that person.

But I can't be that person, at least, not anymore. Not for the next couple decades, really. And Zayn and Liam couldn't do it. They wouldn't be able to, they don't know how. And I don't trust Chris. Chris doesn't love him the way I do, and he doesn't deserve half a lifetime of Harry.

I also think I don't know what to think.

"Stop thinking about me." I hear Harry's voice pipe up from his hospital bed, snapping me out of my muse.

Slowly, I glance up at him and I want so badly to feel happy that I'm seeing him and that I can be with him but all I can see is that he's broken and beaten up and I could've prevented it. Every time I look at him, I see he's in a situation that 100% could have been prevented if I was still in Harry's life.

"What was the point of asking for a chair and table in my room if you're going to sit far away from me and not even talk to me?" He continues as he frowns at me.

"Somebody has to keep an eye on you," I sigh slightly bitterly, "Y'know, make sure you don't do anything stupid like pull your IV and all that other shit out or something."

Harry frowns at my remark, "I'm not suicidal."

"I'm sure you aren't, Harry." I exasperate sharply, my tone exuding sarcasm. "You just tried to kill yourself for fun. To visit the other side for a few seconds, say hey to your grandma. No biggie."

"It was a one time thing, I just felt like doing something so I did it."

"You felt like killing yourself in a car accident and making it look like an accident so nobody will know your true suicidal feelings, so you did it. But to not worry, because it was a quote, unquote, one time thing." I snap at him suddenly, "That's what you're telling me."

He chews his bottom lip. "It was just a bad day."

"What are you going to do on your other bad days? Jump in front of a moving train?" I hiss angrily, "Charlie scratches Luna and you jump off of a bridge? Is that the way it is now?"