Our Little Secret (h.s.) // editing

"Haz, I'm Scared."

(Daily. Sorry I didn't update yesterday, but I went to go see This Is Us.)

~Janissa~ 

Harry and Jess walk over to some of the other family, which wasn't far, but they weren't close enough to hear me and Chloe's conversation. She's was really pretty, and really intimidating. There is something about her that makes me feel like I need to impress her. I know that her and Harry have history, anyone could see that.

Me and Harry had history, but there was a time when he went completely crazy. Well not completely, but kind of like the way he did before. That's when he got most of his tattoos, and at some point picked up drinking, but I made sure that all stopped when I was finally able to get a hold of him again.

"So, you and Harry?" She whispered. The small girl on her leg was now somewhere with the rest of the family. We were all just about to go back in and say goodbye to Mrs. Styles.

"Yeah. Me and Harry." 

Why am I so awkward.

"He's good, isn't he?" 

"Excuse me?" I whisper, confused. Her face gave away what she meant. "Oh, we haven't-" I could just tell her that we have, but then I will be in the same position that I was the other night. "We haven't been that far yet."

Is everyone my age just supposed to be having sex all the time?

"Well," She whispered, walking closer to me, "I mean this in the nicest, and most sincere way. I think you should have him tested." She pulled away from me, crossing her arms.

I am so sick of everyone telling me things about Harry. Implying that we shouldn't be together.

"And why is that?"

"Well, he's not a virgin, I think we all know that."

Chloe flashes me a smile, accepting a drink from Jenny, before she ran off to back to the family.

"Well, neither are you. I think we all know that."

"Hey, hey, hey. Listen, i'm not trying to make you doubt him. I'm just-"

"No." I cut her off. "That's exactly what you are trying to do. Why? I'm not sure, but don't stand here and try to downgrade me by making me out to be stupid."

"You're obviously stupid if you're with him after everything he has done."

~Harry~

Watching Jess run around is one of the best feelings I have ever felt. He smiles really big when he's having fun, laughing with some of the other kids. My eyes drift to behind him to Janissa and Chloe. The smiles they once had on their faces were now frowns. Did Chloe say something to Janissa?

I should have known better then to leave them alone together. I got up from the bench, making my way towards them careful to keep an eye on Jess.

The closer I came to them, the more I became uneasy. The way Chloe is smirking am me now, I can tell she did something stupid. Her finger points to me walking over, Janissa's eyes following. They meet mine then immediately drop to the floor.

I was finally close enough to hear Chloe's faint words.

"If he doesn't want to change, you're not going to change him."

What the hell?

My arm snakes around Janissa's waist only for her to avoid my eyes, and pull away from my touch.

"Don't touch me." She whispers, walking to the small bench I was just sitting on. Her eyes land on Jess, watching him intently. My attention turned directly to Chloe. Her face held a disgusting smirk.

"Chloe..." I sigh. "What the fuck did you say." I'm trying to control my anger.

"I didn't say anything that wasn't true." She smiles.

"Don't fucking lie to me. All you do is fucking lie!"

I'm screaming now, and notice Janissa look at me, then quickly look away.

"Why are you trying to fuck up my relationship? I'm finally fucking happy after you, and here you are trying to fuck it up! Why?" 

All she has ever done is screw up my life. All she ever does is try to make sure that I will never be happy without her. When I finally am, when I finally have everything together, she comes here out of nowhere, and fuck up everything.

"Harry, i'm not trying to mess up your life. You did that all by yourself." She trys to explain, feeding my anger. "And you're going to keep fucking it up."

"How!" I give in and scream at her.

"Between me and your girlfriend, who are you standing with right now?"

~Janissa~

We grab Jess after we say goodbye to his mother, promising to visit her tomorrow or the next day. We are in the car right now. I haven't said anything to Harry since we left the hospital. Actually, I've been quiet since i've spoken to Chloe. She said somethings that made me think about my relationship with Harry. I really need to talk to him, but at the moment, I can't even bring myself to look at him right now.

"You're going to have to talk to me, Janissa." Harry whispered on the way back to Jake's.

Jess was asleep in the back of the truck. I just gazed out the window, not wanting to talk to him. Chloe told me that her and Harry were once together, which I could pick up before she even said anything. He slept with her, then had sex with her sister.

Harry doesn't seem like that kind of guy. I've known Harry all my life, but we never spoke about the time when he mentally left. A month later, he showed up with tattoo's and and 'a few bad memories'.

"Janissa, please." He whispered. His hand reached for mine, causing me to pull away. I know I shouldn't believe Chloe, someone I just met, over someone i've known my whole life, but there was a time that I had no idea what he was thinking or what he was doing. He told me he didn't even remember half of what happened in that time. After the 'bad memories', he just blurred it all out.

"I have nothing to say to you, Harry." I whispered.

"What did she say to you?"

"I doesn't matter." My eyes drift back to the window. It had become dark, we must have been at the hospital awhile if it was this dark outside.

"Fuck, Janissa. Yes it does! It means everything." His voice was raising, but I took no notice of his anger. That's all he does lately, and i'm tired of it.

"It obviously means nothing if you haven't mentioned it! Harry, your keeping so many secrets lately and i'm tired of it!"

"What fucking secrets, Janissa? We've known each other our whole lives! You know everything about me! Everything i've done, every fucking thought i've had. Down to every word i've said. What could I be keeping from you?" Harry said frustrated.

The truck's speed increased, rain beginning to pad on the roof.

"Harry, slow down." I whispered. He ran a hand through his hair, he was beginging to shake from frustration. "Harry! Please slow down."

"I've told you everything. You've been my best friend for as long as I can remember, then you go and take her word over mine! I would never lie to you!"

"Harry, we can talk about this later, just please pull over." I take his shaking hand in mine, locking my eyes on him.

"Haz, i'm scared." Jess whispered from the back seat. His eyes move from mine to the mirror to look at Jess.

"Fuck." He whispers under his breath, slowing down, and pulling over to the side of the road. The grip on my hand became tighter. He brought my hand to his lips, placing a small kiss on my palm. 

"I'm so sorry." He whispered. Green eyes were now brimming with tears.

"You're always sorry."