Our Little Secret (h.s.) // editing

"You...You hit her?"

(WRITTEN ON PHONE)

~ Harry ~

I sat at the bar, just staring at my cup. I kept ordering, and ordering drinks, yet I haven't drank one. They stayed lined up on the bar as Liam kept serving them.

"Maybe if you tried calling her-"

"She won't answer my text messages, Liam. I don't know what else I am supposed to do." I breath out. I was glad that Liam was working tonight. I missed one of my only friends here, and I needed advise on how to handle this mess.

"Why is she mad?" He questioned, running off to hand another customer a drink.

"Because I am a horny idiot." I breath, finally deciding to take a shot. The liquid burned my throat in a familiar way, making the burn almost plessuable. Liam laughed over the counter, my eyebrows raising in question.

"Horny, yes. Idiot, not so much. Come on, Styles, what did you do?" His smile faded as I explained to him what had happened. She kissed me. That was true, but I didn't stop her. That was the second time, and I didn't stop her. I know Janissa is smart enough to conclude the hickey on my neck was caused by her. I just don't know how to fix it.

"Wow," his voice breaking my thoughts. "You are an idiot."

"I know." I whisper, taking another shot. "I love her, man. I want her back. But it seems like whenever things are going good, Chloe is there to make sure everything falls to shit."

"Then get rid of Chloe. Problem solved."

If only it were that easy...

I went to sleep that night with Janissa in my mind. She consumed every though, every dream, every nerve in my body. I needed her here with me, but I just let her go. I didn't even go after her. I just let her get in the taxi, and literally leave me in the cold. This wasn't supposed to happen. Not to me and Janissa, I mean, it's me and Janissa. We were supposed to be together literally forever. If I were a real man, I would have followered her. If I were a real man, I wouldn't be moping around. She desearves someone that would have followed her. She deserves so much better than me.

That night, i found myself doing something I haven't in a long time. I began writing. I take my journel pretty much everywhere with me, but haven't written in it for a while. Until last night. I didn't start it with Dear Me, or Journel like I normally would. What I wrote actually suprised me.

Janissa,

I miss you. I feel like there is a hole in my chest, but yet I feel nothing. You literally left tonight, and I already feel alone. Do you want to know the one emotion that has been fighting its way to the surface, through the pain, the lonlyness... It's anger. Not toawrds you, but myself. I was stupid. I want you to know that I didn't cheat on you. I know what it looked like, but it was nothing like that. If I would have explained myself to you, you would still be here.

Chloe came to the room in a panic. Her cloths were ripped, and she was out of breath. Almost like she had been running from something. No, she was running from somthing. I felt bad, and let her in after she begged me to. My first thought was finding a way to get her out of the room. I wanted her to leave, and I wanted to go find you. But then she started to talk about me and her, when we were together. She wouldn't shut up, she kept talking, and talking until I couldn't take it anymore. I yelled at her to leave, to shut up, but she wouldn't. She started talking about how she would be so much better than you. How she would taste better than you, but I know that is not true.