Battle Scars

seven

I wake up from a deep sleep by someone yelling from the hallway.

"Room time is over! Time for group therapy!"

Group therapy.

Thanks mom.

Now I get to share about all of my meaningless problems, nobody will understand them, I'll get made fun of, then I'll end up trying my best to hide my crying face for the rest of the hour. It's the same. Every single time.

"Come on, Amber." Robin yawns. "Trust me, I don't want to do this either. Group therapy is the worst. Especially right after you wake up from a nap."

I rub my eyes and stretch as far as my back will let me.

Walking out of my room, I notice the dozen other exhausted faces, practically dragging themselves to therapy.

"Everybody go to the group room!" One of the nurses yells.

"Yeah, yeah." Robin doesn't seem so amused.

We all manage to haul our asses to the group room. I notice the small size of the room, along with the little blue chairs that form a large circle. Typical.

Ethan's six-foot body sits cross-legged on the chair in the corner. Yes, the chairs are that small.

He runs a hand through his messy hair and adjusts his position, then looks up and notices my gaze. My heart stops and I look away. Shit.

"Psst." I hear faintly from my left ear. Slightly turning my head as my heart pounds, Ethan's eyes connect with mine. He nods his head to the direction of the seat next to him.

My heart starts racing faster. 

He wants me to sit next to him?

There are so many questions I want to ask Ethan. So many things I want to know. This is the boy that everyone thinks is dead. I am now the only one at Westman High that knows he's alive.

"Well, you all look ecstatic." The nurse says, surprising me. I quickly take the seat next to Ethan. People around us groan.

"Well, we have a new face with us today."

I look down, embarrassed, as I notice she's talking about me.

"My name is Molly. I'll be the counselor for this session. Amber, why don't you introduce yourself."

I look up and give a fake smile, trying my hardest not to cringe in Molly's direction.

"That means you say your name." I look across from me as I hear the familiar irritating voice. That Emily girl.

I give her a look.

"I'm Amber. Didn't Molly already make that obvious...and didn't I introduce myself to you earlier?"

"Well, I'd like to hear it from your mouth, hun."

"Emily, come on. It's her first day here." Another girl says.

Emily rolls her eyes. "And she'll want it to be her last."

"Emily, that's enough." Molly shoots her a glare.

My eyebrows fluster into confusion. I look at Ethan. He doesn't look back, neither does the nurse. What the hell are they so scared of?

"Alright. Amber, since it's your first day here, why don't you start with introductions. You say your name, age, why you're here, and how you're feeling so far today." Molly says, changing the subject.

I bite my lip and look around the room. I'm about to give my personal information out to a hand-full of strangers. What if they know my name? What if they tell people at Westman that I was here?

"We don't have all day to wait, princess." Emily blurts.

I shoot her a glare, then decide to speak. My heart starts to race before I take a deep breath.

"I'm Amber Collins, I'm fourteen, I'm here because I self harm..."

"Called it." I hear softly from Robin's mouth. I give her a slanted look as I remember I avoided telling her earlier why I was here exactly.

"And right now I'm feeling..." I look around the room. At Ethan, at Emily, at Molly, at Robin..

"Content." I finish.

"Very interesting. Well, we will work on building your coping skills during your stay here. Do any of you have questions for Amber?" Molly asks after a weird episode of silence.

"What school do you go to?" This boy asks me

"Westman."

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ethan freeze in the seat next to me.

"Anything else?" Molly asks.

Nobody answers. Ethan scratches the back of his head.

"Alright. We will move on. Emily, why don't you go next."

Emily sits upright and sticks out her chest.

"I'm Emily. Fifteen. I'm here for drugs, and right now I'm feeling pleased."

"Why are you feeling pleased, Emily?"

She shrugs and peeks over at me. "Just am."

"Alright, let's move on. Ethan, why don't you go next?"

I squint at Emily. Drugs. The moody one is here for drugs.

"I'm Ethan, sixteen, here for suicide attempt,"

I clench my jaw. 

Hit by a train.

"And right now I'm feeling good."

"That's boring." Some girl says

"Good is a word. The rule is you must say a word to describe yourself at the moment." Ethan says.

"Can't you think of any better words than good?" Molly asks him.

Ethan shrugs and adjusts his lip ring.

"Well, I can use a synonym. Favorable, stupendous, exceptional.."

.   .   .

The session went on.

The rest of the teens shared.

Ethan and I exchanged looks every few minutes.

Most of the other teens are here for suicidal thoughts. But the one that stuck out the most was Ethan's.

He actually attempted.

He actually brought himself to try to end his own life.