Battle Scars

sixteen

"Solitary confinement." Ethan says as he moves his pawn.

I give him a look of confusion and slide my rook, taking out his bishop.

I told Ethan about Robin, how she came back in our room after being gone for several days, in a bad mood.

"Solitaire?" I joke.

He looks across at me with the same neutral expression, as if he didn't take that as a joke. I suddenly feel guilty, and scratch the back of my neck.

"I'm sorry..have you, um...been in solitary confinement?"

Ethan looks back down at the board game and slides his remaining bishop. "Robin must have done something, or said something wrong while she was in a one-on-one therapy session." He says, ignoring my question.

I give him a look and don't make my move in chess, waiting for him to actually answer my question. 

"Just uhh..be careful what you say or do in front of Doctor Seltz." He says as he stares at the game.

I don't move my facial expression as he fails his second time to change the subject.

Ethan meets my gaze, then finally sighs and scratches the back of his neck. "I was..crazy when I was checked in. I mean, I just tried to kill myself and some asshole just had to bring me back to life. I was pissed."

I bite the inside of my lip and nod in agreement.

"I was..punching a framed picture. It's not on the walls here anymore. It was beautiful, and I absolutely hated it."

Ethan squints as he tries to recall additional memories.

"It was a picture of multiple colored flowers in a tan vase. Surrounding it were tiles..as if it were stuck on the bottom of an empty pool." He shakes his head in embarrassment.

"A staff member. She tried to calm me down as I was acting up, having....withdrawls, and I struck her with my fists." The look in his eyes indicates that was one of the lowest times in his entire life. He's not proud of what he did. Not at all.

"Which staff member?" I ask, quietly.

Ethan lets out a deep sigh before speaking. He shakes his head and scoffs at himself. "Michelle."

My eyes grow wide as he answers.

"Seltz asked me questions and the entire stay in his office, I was unable to speak and wanted to puke, all while blood ran down my knuckles from punching that fucking picture, so to answer your question, yeah..I have been confined."

Without thinking, my left arm reaches out to his right hand as I stare at his shiny green eyes.

"You've made it this far, Ethan." I say. "Don't dwell on the past."

I suddenly realize what I'm doing and release my hand from his.

"S...sorry." I say. I look back down and notice a little tattoo on his right hand. A little sun.

This is a good opportunity to change the subject.

"What's that?" I ask, pointing to his hand.

Ethan looks down and chuckles as he realizes what I'm talking about. "A mistake." He says, scratching at the little sun with his fingernail.

I stay gazing at the tat. "I think its cute." 

"No." He says back with another chuckle. "I love the design, trust me. I just-" He pauses and slowly shakes his head. 

I raise an eyebrow and give him a look of slight concern.

"I just hate the memory of it. All tattoos come with memories."