Battle Scars

fifteen

I slowly open my eyes as I hear a loud knock on my door.

"Mhm, come in." I groan.

The door creaks open, I look up and see Michelle standing at the entrance.

"Oh, did I wake you? I'm sorry-"

"No, no you're fine." I yawn, sitting up in the small bed.

She walks in and closes the door behind her, walking over to the other side of my bed.

"You finally shared something in group today. That's something to celebrate."

I smile and sit up in my bed. "Ethan's the one to thank for that. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have been motivated to speak at all."

Michelle chuckles and pats my back. "He helped, but overall, you did it yourself. That's one step closer to your recovery."

"Woah there Michelle, you're speaking to me as if I'm in rehab or something."

She laughs and shakes her head. "Recovery comes in all sorts of context."

The natural redness of her cheeks glimmer. She runs her fingers through her hair and looks me in the eye.

"About the bullies.."

I've always hated being patronized, which leads me to the conclusion that I'm not going to like whatever she's about to say.

"Bullies are usually just insecure people wearing a mask. That girl, Veronica, she most likely has problems of her own."

I thought about that for a second. Veronica having problems of her own...

"But she's so spoiled, popular...her parents give her whatever she wants without any questions asked. She has the body of a barbie and an amazing life. She's little miss perfect..why would she be insecure?"

Michelle shrugs. "It's all internal." She takes a deep breath and looks at me in the eyes. "You view yourself as overweight, correct?"

My face suddenly feels hot. This is usually something I don't like talking about.

"Y..yeah?" I say.

"You're not." Michelle says, softly. "Not at all."

I look down. I've heard this many times. People telling me I'm skinny. That I need to eat more. That I'm delusional. That it's all in my head. I really don't feel like hearing it again, but I know Michelle is just trying to make a point. She's trying to say that Veronica might have all-in-her-head problems, too, like me thinking I'm fat..or whatever.

She looks up at me and smiles, noticing that I'm getting awkward.

"The point of this conversation is just me trying to say that your friend...ex friend...will come around. If someone was once a good person, then the fact that they are a negative person now is just a short phase in their life. Everyone that was once decent will eventually become decent again, even if the last breath that they ever take happens to be their old self coming back to life."

Part of me wants to say "this isn't a movie, Michelle. Don't try to impress me."

The other part of me believes she's 100% correct.

"Let's talk about something else...hmm.. what about mister good-looking a few rooms down from you?" Michelle says.

At first, I'm confused, thinking she's trying to be funny. Then, I figure out she's talking about Ethan.

"You have a little crush on Ethan, don't you."

I look up at her and laugh. "No, of course not!" I say.

"Oh, come on, Amber. I'm not judging you!" 

"I don't!" I say with a chuckle. 

As she teases me, I start to really think about it. Just then, my mouth gapes open.

"Oh my god.." I start.

Michelle looks at me and raises an eyebrow.

"I have a crush on Ethan Quinn." I say aloud as soon as my brain tells me.

"Nurse Michelle?" A counselor peeks his head into my room, interrupting our conversation.

Michelle looks behind her. "I'll be out in one sec, Doctor Seltz."

She stands up and nods once at me. "Hang in there, Amber. And don't get too carried away with this crush." She winks.

As she walks out, I can't believe who walks in.

"Robin?"

Her hair is greasy, and the dark circles underneath her eyes make her look almost worse than Emily did on my second day here.

"Are you okay?" I ask. "Where were you?"

Robin shakes her head and coughs. She even sounds like shit.

"What the hell happened to y-"

"Did you look in my journal?" Robin says, cutting me off.

I freeze. 

LET ME OUT LET ME OUT  suddenly races through my head.

"No." I answer quickly, then suddenly regret lying.

"Yes, you did." She says as she flips through her pages. "This page is folded, and I left the whole journal open when I walked out of the room."

I gulp, remembering when I shut ber journal.

Caught in a lie, Amber. Well done.

But the real question is, why is she acting like this?

Robin grabs her journal and borrows a pencil from the front desk.

People have to actually check out pencils from here. If you're caught with a pencil in your room overnight, your stay here is extended.

Robin storms in the bathroom and slams the door.

"Don't come in here." I hear Robin's voice from in the bathroom.

"Wasn't planning on it." I say to myself.

What the hell just happened? What did they do to her?

"Room time is over! Head down to the cafeteria for dinner!" The loudspeaker announces.