Battle Scars

twenty eight

I walk down the hallway with everybody else. My heart sinks as soon as Ethan enters my sight.

God damn it. I told myself I wouldn't flip out when I saw him.

Ethan adjusts his lip ring with his tongue, leaning back in the small, blue chair he choses to rest in. He crosses his legs and folds his hands.

Emily sits next to him; her mouth running like a rabbit. Blabbing about who knows what. He nods occasionally, but mainly seems unamused by her presence.

I feel like I'm looking at Ethan for the first time all over again. Like it's my first day here. The sadness in Ethan's eyes remain, and Emily is still there. Still talking.

What if she never stopped? What if I was just the rebound?

I slightly gasp as I feel a large object shove me forward. I spin around and make sudden eye contact with Blaine.

"Oh..oh my god! I'm so s..sorry!" Blaine stares at me with wide eyes and arms raised.

"I..I didn't..you were behind the door..a..and-"

"Blaine!" I whisper-shouted, shutting up his stuttering apology. "Its alright. It was an accident. Chill out."

His face turns bright red. He looks at the floor, embarrassed.

I shake my head and let out a soft exhale, catching up with my breath. This guy almost gave me a heart attack.

I peek behind Blaine's scrawny shoulder and look into the room. My eyes suddenly widen, and I hesitate before taking another breath as Ethan and I lock eye contact.

I watch as he opens his mouth for a second, then closes it, failing to say what was planned. Emioy doesn't seem to notice, tapping her feet as she gabs.

"Are you going in, or are you just going to be a roadblock again?" I turn my head and, once again, see Tino trying to get by.

"Move it, people!"

Blaine and I step aside and let Tino and all of his weight pass. He opens the door and I instantly hear the voice that I loathe from inside the room.

"So, what do you think? Do my apocalypse theories sound fairly realistic?"

As the door begins to shut, Emily's chatter suddenly stops, and her head spins in my direction, as if she can sense my vision. She gives me an wll-too-familiar evil grin, causing my heart to beat faster and faster by the second. A single drop of sweat drips down the back of my neck.

Emily and Ethan are both looking at me. Oh, god...

I sharply exhale and take another step back, feeling the anxiety rise in my hollow chest.

"Are you okay?"

I turn around and face Blaine, suddenly realizing how close my body is to his. His big, anxious eyes light up.

"Y..yeah." I quickly respond. "I'm great."

I turn back around to the glass window. Everyone is just about settled in every chair. Therapy is about to begin. Ethan remains in his uncomfortable seat next to Emily.

He's still looking at me. Only him. With those stupid green eyes. Stupid lip ring settling on his lower lip. Stupid blonde hair...and that dangerously attractive face.

"Boys are dangerous."

I scoff and shake my head, turning away from Ethan. Back to Blaine.

What am I thinking?

What was I thinking?

Did I really think I would ever have a chance with some pretty boy I met in a mental hospital? Did I really think Ethan and I would be something? That we were something?

I don't even know this kid.

And he has no idea who I am.

There was never anything between us.

Like Emily told me before, he's off limits.

I look back at Ethan one last time. At that face that I will never be good enough for. His sad gaze, still focused on me. At Emily, who is once again, oblivious.

I take a deep breath as I disconnect our mutual gaze.

We're nothing but strangers to each other.

Nothing that me, or Ethan, or anyone else in this loony bin do in here will matter to any of us in the future.

Besides...everyone's first kiss is never their last.

I spin back around, grab the back of Blaine's hair, and press my lips against his.