Battle Scars

fourteen

"Remember the goal I set for you." Ethan says as we walk through the hallway to group.

I look back at him. "I still don't know what you want me to say, exactly."

He shrugs. "Like I said, anything about yourself."

I walk past my room and my smile fades.

Robin has been gone for three days now. I haven't seen her since that nurse took her out of the room. All of her stuff is still there, though. Her clothes, her toiletries, her journal..

I wonder where they took her.

I wonder if she's okay.

.     .     .

"...and that's what made me decide to shave my head."

Claire, a thirteen year old, just finished sharing a story about how she had a mental breakdown a few months ago and believed there were cobwebs in her hair, which resulted in her shaving all of her hair off.

"Alright." Michelle says. "Who wants to share something next before we discuss our topic of the day?"

Michelle and I have gotten somewhat close. Since I got admitted, she's been coming into my room every day during room time to check up on me, see how I'm doing. Every day, even when the required check-up times are every other day.

At first, I thought she was just some nurse that's required to take notes snd snitch on me. Now, it's as if she's my therapist.

Therapist that I can trust.

I look around the room and notice Ethan giving me an encouraging head nod.

I begin to smile until I notice Emily giving me a death glare from the other side of the room, followed by a slight scoff.

I take a deep breath, and shyly raise my hand.

Michelle looks in my direction and smiles.

"Would you like to share something, Amber?"

I nod. "Y-yeah."

I look around the small room. Everyone's staring at me. 

Here it goes.

"Um..all my life..well, more than half of my life, I've been picked on. Bullied, I guess you can say."

Emily rolls her eyes. I choose to ignore it and continue.

"In elementary school, it was just the average 'you're an idiot' from boys my age, or people throwing paper airplanes or pencils in my direction. 

I had this friend...Veronica. She was my best friend throughout my early childhood. I loved her as a sister. She would always be by my side through the bullying."

"And now, I'm guessing she's not your friend at all?" Connor asks.

I shake my head. "I have no idea why. I never did anything to her. She just...I don't know... starting hanging out with the wrong crowd of people. I was ignored by her throughout the end of middle school, and now, every single day, she picks on me, treats me worse than the kids in the early grades did. I have no idea why."

As much of an anxious little mouse I am, that felt really good to get out of my mouth.

"Do you see Veronica every day at school?" Michelle asks.

I think about how she always approaches me at my locker. 

"I try not to, but she's always just...there. Harassing me and calling me names, trying to bring me down. For no reason at all."

"Is this related to what brought you here?" 

I slightly nod, thinking about that stupid fight between Lynn and I. How just before that, Veronica's friends were harassing me. How that led to my mom finding out about my wrist.

"I just want it to stop. I want to know how to avoid it. I want to feel safe at school, not feel like the target."

I feel a single tear begin to form in my eye. I try to blink it back, but it falls down my cheek.

Ethan straightens his back and shoots me a sympathetic look. His shining green eyes behind those big square glasses, judging me in a way of care and concern.

"When that happens again, just look away. Pretend they don't even exist. They're irrelevant, and when they see you're being affected by their judgement, they end up winning in the situation." He says to me.

Every word that escapes Ethan's mouth is like a new life lesson for me. This boy is amazing, and I have no idea how he does it.

"Don't ever let them win."

The rest of the session, Michelle talks about bullying, and how it lowers the target's self esteem. She talks about how the bullies' worst enemy is usually their own self. I listen and relate to every word.

.     .     .

"That was really brave." 

I look behind me as I was walking to my room. There, Ethan stands with a huge smile on his face.

I turn around and wrap my arms around his back, giving him a long, silent hug.