"Nivia its okay"Noelle said holding me in his arms
I was still stuck in the same spot from five minutes ago tears streaming down my face as i try to process all the events that took place a few minutes ago
"Why did you come back "i questioned Nolen
"I needed to see you"he said
"You could've seen me on a picture you didn't have to come all the way here to ruin my life all over again "I said
"Nivia your mi daughter I'd never intentionally ruin your life gyal your one of the most precious things to me I love you "he said looking into my eyes
"Don't say that don't tell me you love me only to walk away from me in the end i don't want to hear lies anymore"i said looking away
"I'm not lying to you Nivia everything I said in that letter was the honest truth I never left to hurt you I thought you'd be better off without me around I wanted you to have a better childhood than i did having a drug lord father isn't the easiest thing for a kid to handle growing up in Kingston I was always a target for people who wanted revenge against mi fadda I didn't want you and your brother to go through that"Nolen said pulling me from Noelles arms into his
"I love you so much Nivia and the fact that I'm the reason that you have so much hurt in your heart breaks mine to pieces"
"STOP IT"i screamed pushing him
"Stop pretending to care for me just for your own benefit all your saying is that your sorry what are you sorry for sorry that you weren't around or are you sorry that leaving your children made you look bad"
He just stood there with a look of disbelief plastered on his face I guess my words cut deeper than he thought they would and the sad part is I could care less about how hurt he was he didn't deserve me Nolen had his chance to be a father and he threw it away as if it meant nothing to him so there's no need to let him in my life just to hurt me again i refuse to let that happen
"Do you even know what I went through because you felt the need to be absent well let me fill you in on the last 16 years of my life "Dad" mom got married again to a man who had much more interest in me than he did in her and with that interest in me he felt the need to touch me and if I'd resist he'd beat me this lasted for two years but that wasn't even the worst of it he got me pregnant and I lost my baby a baby that was forcefully created and every time this took place something deep inside me always believed you would come through that door and save me I screamed for you and each time you never came"I cried
"Babygyal I knew nothing of this if I knew that he was hurting you he would've took his last breath along time ago"he said pulling me into his embrace once again
"Don't touch me"
"I HATE YOU "i screamed pushing him back and I ran
I ran until i got tired of running noelle was right behind me the whole time
"You Don't mean that nivia "Noelle said grabbing me back
"I do mean it Noelle and how could you sit here and forgive a man who left us without even saying goodbye we wouldn't have went through any of the stuff we went through if he would've been a man and stayed"i said
"Going through what we went through made us who we are and I wouldn't change that no matter how hard it was for us growing up we made it through and we're stronger because of it"Noelle said
"Me wanting to off myself every five seconds is me being strong"I questioned
"Nivia why do you always have to push happiness away"Noelle said
"That's not what I asked you Noelle"
" No you trying to kill yourself wasn't strong but you've overcame that and you've become stronger since then you have to realize what you've accomplished and not the things you've failed to do"Noelle Said looking into my eyes
"Why do you always do that"i questioned
"Do what"?he questioned
"I don't know it's like every since we were kids every time you look into my eyes you see more than I'd showed you"i said
"Your my baby sister since the day mom brought you home just by looking into your eyes It seemed like I knew that our connection would be stronger than any connection i had with anyone i swear sometimes i think we should've been twins because its as if we're each others other half you fulfill my emptiness and i do the same together we're one
Nothing and No one could take that from us because that connection is sacred"he said smiling
"I'm sorry about what just happened Noelle its just that I couldn't bring myself to trust him even though I want to believe that he's here to stay there's still that small part of me that still believes that he's still 20 year old Nolen I just don't want to be hurt again"i said as the tears trickled down my cheeks
"Look at me"
"No matter what happens I'm always going to be here even if dad decided that he wanted to leave today and never come back I'd always be around and so would Tony we love you too much to leave you"he said wiping my tears
"I love you too Noelle thank-you for never giving up on me even in those times when I didn't seem so promising "
My minds so clouded apart of me wants to believe in Nolens words but the other part refuses to once again dream upon lies Is what he's saying as genuine as he made it sound is my father really here to stay
