Astray

2

Beautiful cover by @HoneyClumsyFudge_x

•••

Head pounding like crazy, I groan as I sit straighter up in bed. Shapes dance in front of my eyes and my brain stirs even more as I move my head. When my eyes adjust to the light, I realize that I'm in my room.

All alone, in yesterday's red dress. I remember nothing about the night before. Thank God. Memories are painful anyways. And when you're in my shoes, you don't even want to be reminded of anything.

I check my phone. No texts apart from one.

Roland: I dropped you home safely. Take care.

I smile slightly. He's a sweetheart. He's always been the nice guy, dropping girls home and being there for everyone.

Me: Thanks Rols. You too.

I stand up and my head rotates again. Holding my hair like it will stop me from going crazy, I walk to the bathroom.

Stripping out of the sweaty dress, I stand beneath the shower. I don't clean myself or wash or do any of those things people do in bathrooms. I just stand there and contemplate life. Think of how I ended up here.

I think of how bad I want to scrub myself but no matter how much I do, I don't feel pure. How I want to clear my lungs and regain back my voice which has become rough due to all those cigarettes. How I want to undo every action, erase every memory and restart all over again. How I want my innocence back.

The cold water runs along my face, merging with the hot, salty tears streaming down my cheeks. A whimper escapes my throat and I place a hand on my mouth to stop the noise from escaping. When I realize no one can hear me, I let another sob escape and soon enough, I'm curled up on the floor, crying like I've lost everything while the water streams down.

What do I even have? No friends, no one to love me, no family, no talents; nothing. No one. As we grow up, we realize what one of the worst things to feel is. Regret. Guilt. Anguish. And sadly, you can do nothing about these emotions. Pain cannot be cured nor it can be healed. Scientists should do something to control human angst, it is enough to eat away at a person mentally.

I come out of the shower, the towel wrapped around my scrawny, slim body. I stand in front of the mirror and pull out a hairbrush from the stand. Such a luxurious bathroom, so much of wealth. I should be happy, there are so many poor people in the world. But it doesn't make me feel any better. In fact, I envy the little kids who play on the road.

I comb through my chest length blonde hair, the red streaks now fast disappearing. A short, pale girl with sunken eyes stares back at me. My grey eyes have lost all their shine, my lips now lay bare. I'm so ugly without all the make-up, without the accessories. I lick my lips and try to concentrate on my hair.

Once they're combed, I rush away to change into my clothes. I can't even face my own damn self in the mirror. I slip on a pair of shorts and a half sleeved top. Leaving my hair open, I walk out of my lavish room to the kitchen downstairs.

As I pass dad's room, I see a redhead coming out. Haggard hair, adjusting her clothes. I feel disgusted but I walk past her, not even looking at her face.

Once I'm in the kitchen, I put two slices of bread in the toaster and pour out some milk for myself. Taking an Aspirin, I sit down on the table.

The woman who came out of dad's room enters the kitchen. Unsurely, she walks in and looks surprised when her eyes land upon me.
"Lisa, I didn't see you there." She says softly and I control the urge to roll my eyes. Her long red hair falls down in staight tresses and she is gorgeous. Her skin is glowing and her lips are set in a lovely smile. She's my dad's secretary.

"Maria, it's Melissa for you." I reprimand her and she looks away flushed. She walks into the kitchen in a haste and starts taking out eggs to make breakfast.

"Good morning." Dad's gruff voice comes from the doorway and I turn to look at him. My dad is handsome, very good looking for his age. No wonder where I got my good looks from. I've lost my radiance now, but I used to be as stunning as him.

He takes long strides towards his girlfriend and kisses her. I want to gag. He comes near me and holds my hand. I swat him away. Hurt flashes across his eyes but he doesn't say anything.

"Where were you yesterday Lisa?" He asks, sitting down on the seat across me.
"Why do you care?" I ask nonchalantly. More like I try to, because I can already feel my voice cracking.

Maria comes in and settles down beside my dad, handing him an omelette and rubbing his back as he flinches due to my words.
"That's no way to speak to your father Melissa." She speaks again in that soft, annoying voice of hers, irritating me.

"I'd appreciate it if you don't interfere between us." I tell her as politely as I can and she shifts in her seat.
"You don't need to be so defensive dear, she's like family." Dad says and I look up at him, fire blazing in my eyes.

"But she isn't family. And she'll never be. I lost my mother after she left me and I don't need a replacement. So she should stop trying to act like she's helping me because I don't fucking need help. I don't need any of you." I yell and slam down the table.

Maria gasps and dad moves back before getting up and coming towards me. But I don't want to listen, because I'm already storming out of the room.