Astray

7

"I'm not Audrey." I say to him as we walk down the corridor. Thank God, it's empty and I don't have all the kids staring at me and pointing fingers.

"We didn't think Audrey could do that too. She always seemed just so confident and perfect, it's actually pretty amazing, what all people can hide." He says as he opens the door of his car for me.

"What about my car?" I ask him when he enters the driver's seat from the other side. "I'll pick you up again tomorrow. Then when you go back, take your car with you. Simple." He says and it makes me smile for some reason. The thing is, Roland has always been the underrated one among all our friends. He isn't as handsome as Stuart or as charming as Alastair, but he is the sweetest. He's so nice, it's unreal. The girl he'll marry will be so damn lucky.

"Did Sassy get hurt?" I ask him and a small smile plays on his lips. "Are you seriously asking that?" I grin and he pauses before replying. "Not really. But it's quite cool of you to ask that. On a serious note though, what went wrong? What did she say that made you react this way?" He asks, concerned as his eyes flicker between me and the road.

I turn away from him. Placing my hands on the window pane, I rest my chin on my arms and stare outside. The wind hits my face and whips my hair around. For a moment, life is easy. There are no obstacles, no problems and no regrets. In life, nothing comes for free. There's a price for everything, despite what people say. And not all prices are paid with money. I paid with my innocence, with my family and all the other things I shouldn't have let go of. Back then, I didn't know how much I had to lose.

"You know Roland, right now, I've been going through a whole lot of shit. If I lash out on someone, that doesn't make me a bad person. It's the situation, which is making me react this way. And I'm not strong enough to not be influenced by my circumstances. I'm just not in a good space right now. I'll be better." I say and he smiles.

"It can always get worse. You can talk to me about your trials though."

"Trials?" I ask, tongue in cheek. "Why such heavy language?"

"I prefer calling them trials you see. Problems is such a negative word. Trials means that God is testing you, he's seeing if you pass. If you do, he grants you happiness and even if you don't, he always gives you another chance."

"I see that's an interesting way to look at things." I rest my head on the seat as I watch him.

"I know. You should look at the world through my eyes sometimes, Lisa." He grins cheekily and I laugh. We ride in silence for a while. When he stops in front of my bungalow, I get down. "Thank you Roland. You're the best, I mean it." I say and he grins.

"You're very strong Lisa." He says before I start to turn away.

I smile weakly. "I really wish I was."

•••

The next day, Roland comes to pick me up and we head to school. There's not much conversation this time as the music is playing. I take out my phone and scroll through my social networks. Around seven thousand followers on Instagram. A thousand follow requests still pending. Two thousand views on the latest Snapchat story. I'm freaking famous, if I say so myself. But it's of no use. I read the comments.

Super hot <3

Nice ass ;)

Sexyyy

"Roland?" I ask as I scroll through some more comments.
"Hmm?" He asks.
"Am I slut?" I shut my phone and look at him. He suddenly looks very uncomfortable and shifts in his seat.

"No." He says after a while, blowing out some air through his mouth.
"But everyone calls me that, don't they?" I say and he looks even more out of place.

"Lisa-" he starts to say but I cut him off.
"You know where you guys went wrong? All of you; you, Stuart, Paolo, Astrid, Alastair, Sassy, Merrie; you guys knew what all went behind my back. Yet ya'll never took a stand for me. Ya'll never told people to back off when they spoke shit about me. Apparently, that was because you believe it too. You agree, that I'm a whore." My voice rises and I realize my hands are shaking.

"Melissa, it's not like that." I wait for him to say something. I almost beg in my mind for him to explain himself. But he doesn't say anything. His eyes are fixated on the road but I know what must be going through them. Guilt. Confusion. Frustation.

He parks his car next to mine and I hug myself as I get down. I don't say anything to him as I start to go inside. However, I do turn around for one last thing.
"Thank you for the ride."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too. And someday, it will be okay."

•••

As I walk to my class, I realize I shouldn't have burst upon Roland like that. He's really nice, even though he lacks a spine. Like all of them. Why will they speak for me? It's a different thing that I wouldn't tolerate anyone bitching about my friends. I need to learn that people don't have the same set of rules I abide by.

I see Astrid coming from the opposite side with Sassy. I immediately look away. I don't want them to see me. However, it is inevitable.

I look up to see sympathy on Astrid's face. She looks away when our eyes meet. That hurts, you know. The fact that a relationship has crumbled so much, that you can't even look at each other.

Sassy's face is set in a cunning smirk and I brace myself for any shit she'll pull. She however, plainly walks by me, but not before shoving her shoulder through mine 'accidently'.

I stagger back a bit as the giggles fade away in the distance. If this is what happens before school starts, I can't wait to see what will happen till break.

•••

When break time eventually comes around, I don't feel like going to the cafeteria. No one was speaking to me during class. By no one, I mean none of my friends. It seemed like they wanted to talk, but were afraid of Sassy. It doesn't really count then, does it? The rest of the kids were ones I considered below me and never really talked to. I regret being a bitch.

So I go to the library. I haven't been here since a while. I go to the last aisle and search for some books to read. I don't really enjoy reading but I pick up a book with an interesting cover anyways.

I walk towards the last desk and surprisingly, someone is there. More precisely, a girl. She's bent over her book, a pencil in her hand as she marks out lines. Her brown hair rest in a messy bun on her head and from what I can see from here, she is not someone I know.

Well, no one comes into my little haven. I stalk towards her to get her to move someplace else.