Astray

38

People stop. Stare. Turn to each other. Whisper.

It's something I'm used to, but right now, it feels surreal to be stared at for entirely different reasons. It's almost funny tho, Melissa Richards walking in the school corridors with Albert Port's arm around her, like a couple. Never in my life would have I thought that I'd see this day.

"Are you guys dating?" This one girl with braids and hot pink lipstick stops us in our way and asks.
"What do you think?" I smirk at her.
"No ways." She makes a weird face.

I kiss Albert's lips as the rest of the people discreetly watch us.
"What do you think now?"
Her mouth has dropped open and she just stands and stares. We walk around her and into the school.

"Has the school slut already found someone new and unassuming for her dirty deeds?" Another girl says this time, leaning against the lockers. She looks mean and smug, kind of what I used to look like. Her words sting.

"Jealous that the so called school slut has found a serious boyfriend but you're still dealing with your cheating one?" Albert retorts and I laugh. The girl rolls her eyes as we head towards class.

The day hasn't even begun yet and I've already dealt with two jealous hoes. High school is rough, you've gotta put the shields up and defend yourself from blows that comes from people that are themselves broken. Ironic it is, but the people who themselves are battered with bullets are exactly the ones who hit others with gunshots.

"We're near your class." He says and I stop and look at the door.
"Don't leave right away, I'm still not full of you." I smile lazily as I hold his hand.

"We have time. All the time in the world." He says as he pushes a flick of my hair behind my ear and smiles.

"Do we, really?"
"We'll make it. Should I pick you up for lunch during break?"
"No, it's alright. I'll meet you in the cafeteria." I let go of his hand and he walks away, not before flashing me a smile.

I sigh and enter the class. Roland is sitting on the last seat, looking at something in his phone.

"Rol, hi!" I say as I occupy the seat beside him.
"Hey Lisa." He says and immediately shuts his phone and keeps it aside.

"How are you?" I ask him, settling my bag beside me.
"Good. You look dreamy today."
I laugh. "Is it? Well, thank you. But I don't understand how, I mean, I look the same everyday. Haven't really put in efforts?"

"No, like, you have this look in your eye. Are you high? You look really happy." He smiles, eyes curious.

My mind wanders to Albert and I hesitantly let out a laugh. "Well, let's just say that I found the missing piece to my puzzle."

"Are we talking about your boyfriend here?" I look up at him and his eyes are blank. I am speechless for a moment, but then I catch up.

"I guess. I haven't been this happy since forever. It feels like there's some stability in life, someone who takes care of me, someone who handles me the way I should be handled and not the way I want to be handled."

He looks pained for a minute there and then adds, "There were some people who took care of you Melissa, before him. Me probably being one of them."

I make a sound of exasperation. "Yes, but no one cared enough to pull me out of alcohol, drugs and the crazy lifestyle I led. I wanted it Roland, but why didn't no one tell me that it was fucking me up? Albert accepted me at my worst, you know. He tells me when I'm wrong. He proves that addictions are of a lot of different kinds, not realizing that he too is turning into one, for me. But this time, I don't regret it."

Roland's face is contorted with sadness and I want to reach out to him but at the same time, I don't. I'm hurt too, and you can't heal someone else when you yourself are broken. So I stay where I am, not wanting my shards to prick him.

He looks at his folded hands and then taking a deep breath, he looks up. And then smiles. Just like that.
"Well, I'm happy for you. But can I ask you something?"
"Please."

"Why? He isn't what you really go for? Do you think it'll work? Neither do your mindsets match, nor do your family backgrounds or anything else. It can't even be just attraction because I've seen the kind of guys you've been smitten by and Albert doesn't quite match. No offense though."

I laugh. "Wow, aren't you a bitch?"
He shrugs. "Can't help disliking the guy who stole my best friend from me."
"Shut up, no one stole me. It's not like I'm going anywhere."

"Oh, you're gone. Already." He smiles wistfully and a ghost of something long buried ago passes his eyes before he blinks.
"Roland..."
"You didn't answer my question. What is it that you have with him?"

I place my chin on my propped up hand on the desk and stare into the distance. "He brings out the best in me. It's been only a month, I think? But he is always there; physically, mentally, emotionally. And that's literally all you need, one person who won't leave no matter what happens. One person who'll hold you. We don't necessarily get a person who is perfect for us, but we can get one who'll do anything to be worthy of us. Albert has proven himself and right now, I want maturity and stability. Am I not too old to play games? He'll keep me happy, exactly like I deserve to be."

"Wow, you've grown poetic. Do I even know you anymore?" He laughs in disbelief.
I sigh. "Oh Roland, I don't even know myself anymore."