Astray

3

All of this started when I was thirteen. Mom and dad used to get into a lot of ugly fights. I thought it was okay, considering they never said harsh things to each other and that the fights never got physical. Little did I know that each day, a little part of her used to die.

One fateful night, she left. Just like that. No goodbyes, no letters, no notes. And that was when I realized, that the worst goodbyes are the ones which come unexpected. You don't get to live your last days together, one second you're happy, the next, all of it goes down the drain.

As I sat crying in my bedroom, dad had consoled me. I had asked him, why did mom leave? Did I do anything wrong? He had just shook his head and pulled me closer to him.

I'm sorry Lisa, he said.
I'm sorry too dad, I had replied.

That was the only conversation that took place about my mother after she left. He was an excellent father. He came to my school to collect my results, we went for dinners every other weekend. Whenever one of my childhood crushes used to like another girl, he'd buy me ice cream and watch me cry. I'd go to his office and sit on his chair, while his managers got chocolates for me.

All of that stopped when he employed Maria. Gorgeous and intelligent, the chemistry between them was undeniable. I liked her too, but that was before she started sleeping with my father.

I couldn't see my dad with anyone who wasn't my mother. Our little dates stopped and Maria started coming home more often. She'd cook amazing food and help me out with Arithmetic. If I wasn't so bitter, I'd say they both were in love with each other.

One night, I woke up to drink water, and that was when I saw both of them engaged in a heated kiss outside dad's bedroom door, desperately trying to claw the clothes off each other. Needless to say, that was the last day I ate food cooked by her or asked for help in studies.

Around the same time, I started recieving attention in school. I was the cute, cool, confident girl who was joining Presidency Convent as a Freshman. The boys described me as a little bomb. If I knew what that meant then, I would've slunk back in the shadows. But I didn't, and that eventually led to my downfall.

I started getting invites to parties and handsome football players started asking me out. I'd date them, we'd have some fun and then we'd break up. I don't remember who I gave my first kiss to, because apparently when you're popular and cool, who thinks about things as old-fashioned as that?

I knew I was pretty, and I'd take full advantage of that fact. College guys used to ask me out too, and I briefly remember losing my virginity to one of them. I didn't regret it then, but when I look back now, what kind of a girl gives away her virginity in a one night stand, at the age of fifteen?

Despite all of this, I became popular in school. I was revered, loved, my friend circle grew. Everyone wanted to be friends with Melissa Richards. I had no sense of self, no character. I was just another stereotype, yet people looked up to me. I was 'goals' for them.

I soon realized, those who grow popular aren't the ones who are nice, or talented or inspring; they are the ones who are good looking, arrogant and plain haughty. If you can make people feel small in front of you, leggo, you are the new cool stuff.

I'd be lying if I say I didn't love all of it. But the deeper I went into this net of glamour, the more I felt suffocated. Guys lusted me, liked me; but never loved me. Girls flitted around me, were friends with me; but never respected me.

I lost myself. I lost my father. I lost my mother. And yet, I just couldn't stop myself. I went ahead and lost everything that mattered. I don't know why I was so pissed off at Maria and dad. Sure, they are two consenting adults who can do whatever they want.

I think I couldn't get over the fact that dad moved on without mom, while I couldn't. That a perfect, red headed woman came over and replaced someone who was supposed to be irreplaceable. That I was not good enough to have a mother and for my father to not go to another woman.

I think I just wanted a nice family, a great set of friends and a normal life. Apparently, normal is too much to ask for.

My friends started becoming bitchy. All we'd ever talk about were people and petty issues. All of them are so shallow. Astrid and Paolo do nothing other than make out. Sassy keeps a watch on everyone and acts like she's the freaking queen. Roland is nice, but he's so goofy. Stuart just can't keep it in his pants. Merrie and Judy, let's not start about them. And Alastair, he's been crying ever since Audrey died. I don't get the hype around these guys. They're all pricks.

And then there's me, the biggest bitch of them all. I'm trying to grow up right now, but I've been worse. I've slept around, I've hurt people with my words and I've bullied a few. Nothing extremely bad, but I've done harm nonetheless.

Despite all of this, when a notification pops up on my latest iPhone, I get up to dress.

Sassy: We're all meeting up at our local cafe. You should come too. We'd love to see you darling.

I roll my eyes at her dramatics and apply a bit of mascara and gloss before pulling on a jacket and changing into full pants. Because inspite of what everyone says, being with the wrong people is less lonelier than being all alone.

•••

Hey there. I hope you've noticed, Mel's narrative is much different that Gracie's. Gracie's train of thoughts is simple and descriptive, wherein her thoughts just flow. Whereas Mel's thoughts are raw and broken, just like her personality.