Astray

36

"Are you serious right now?" I ask him, pushing him back, but still holding his collar to keep him close enough.

"Do I look as if I'm joking?" He asks, making no attempt to move away, his arms still by my side.

"Why, how, all of a sudden? You ignored me for a week, Albert." I sound accusing.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just needed time to figure this out. As much as I like being around you, more than a friend, there was this nudge at the back of my mind. That things won't work out. And with you, I really want them to. If we ever break up, there won't be any scope for friendship. So I thought maybe things could stay this way." He says, his eyes on mine as he plays with my fingers.

"But I fucked it up anyways when I kissed you. Things couldn't ever be normal after that." I said, with a tinge of bitterness.

He pushes a strand of my hair behind my ear. "Truth is, I don't want normal with you. I want highs and lows and storms and calms. Things I haven't tried before because my life has been simple. I want to do it all with you. Dating you would be the most passionate thing I've done and I'm ready to give it all."

"Promise me you won't run away." I say.
He kisses my forehead. "Promise."
"That you won't fight with me when things get tough. We'll sort it out."
He kisses my nose. "Promise."
"That you won't give up."
He kisses my jaw. "Promise."
"That you're mine now."
"Yes, it's us." He says and kisses me on my lips.
I smile at the warm feeling. "Against the world."

•••

Once I'm home, I text Gracie.

Albert and I are dating.

She sees the message but doesn't respond. And five seconds later, my phone rings.

Grace calling

As soon as I pick up the phone, she shoots. "Are you serious?" She isn't shouting, just seems shocked.

"Yes, it still seems very unreal, but yeah." I don't know what to say. I'm still reeling from the taste of his lips.

"He doesn't seem like your type. Not like I'm judging, but it just feels so out of place. I can't imagine you guys together in my head, are you getting me?" She asks.

"This relationship, it's...unconventional. It's not what I expected but neither what I want. But I really, really like him and we might be great together. Let's see where this goes." I drift off at the end, thinking.

And that's when Gracie voices out my thoughts. "But what if it doesn't?"
I roll my eyes. "Aren't you a ray of sunshine Grace, ever so optimistic?"

"Oh sorry," she says sheepishly. "That's something that isn't important right now. What am I supposed to do now? I'm not going to third wheel."

I laugh and walk towards my bed, sitting down lightly.
"Find yourself a boyfriend."
"I don't like anyone enough for that."
"You can try Alastair."

She gasps. "Shut up, I don't even know him."
I laugh at her reaction. "So what, get to know him."
"No, I don't like his kind of guys."

"Gracie Hyde, are you blushing?" I laugh and she is quiet for a moment before muttering a bye and hanging up. I can't believe this girl, she's so dramatic. It's not like she should actually go and date Alastair, he is not her type at all. She deserves better.

I see there are text messages from Albert. I smile involuntarily, leaving whatever I had in my hand.
"I was thinking about you." He says as soon as I pick up.
"Hmm? Then why don't you come home and visit me?" I flirt as I lie down on my bed.

"It's ten in the night Melissa." He laughs in disbelief.
"I was kidding okay. I know you won't break rules and that you're a goody two shoes."
"Now you're just being mean."
"Aww, I would still choose you over some bad boy anyday." I laugh as I play with my hair. We talk for an hour more and then I realize I haven't even eaten dinner. I excuse myself and go to the kitchen. I didn't tell Albert that I haven't eaten. He'd ask questions that I have no answer for and that'd just push him away from me.

I walk downstairs and into the kitchen. Only a few dim lights are switched on. Dad used to leave notes at first, now he doesn't do that too. Let's pretend that it doesn't affect me.

I look for some food and there is some left over Chinese takeaway in the fridge. I heat it up and switch on the TV and sit in front of it, robotically eating the food. How must it feel to have someone to care for you? To ask if you've had your food on time and if you're feeling well.

Too often, we take people for granted. We think they're always gonna be there. What we don't realize is that they leave. They always do, they have to. And that is why you shouldn't get attached to them, because they turn your world upside down when they walk away.

My only mistake was, trusting my own parents. Trusting my mother to always be there. To watch her daughter growing up. To listen to her boy problems and to teach her how to cook.

And then I trusted my father. Trusted him to hold me together. Trusted him to be my mom and dad both. Trusted him to not get another woman.

Ugh. This hurts.

I look at the knife stand in the kitchen, just a few metres away from me. But then Albert's face comes before my eyes, about the last time he came here.

I bite my lip. I'm not going to throw away something beautiful in my life now that I have it. I deserve happiness too.

So I increase the volume of the channel all the way up to its highest and light a cigarette. The smoke clears my vision and I feel at peace. Finally.