Astray

25

I walked out of the washroom like the old Melissa. Angry, screwed up and intimidating; fast and hair flying behind. And I could see old reactions as well. People moving away from my path and looking at me like I was fire hurtling about.

I stalked towards the library, but I didn't have to walk much, because there he was. Albert was in the corridor, talking to some friends of his. I softened a little when his eyes met mine. He smiled and waved. I proceeded towards him.

"Hey Mel." He leans towards me a little when I'm near him.
"Hello." My voice comes out like a sigh.

His friends look at me with barely concealed disgust. I don't care though, because the one guy that matters is looking at me with stars in his eyes. Or are there?

"I need to talk to you." I try to come off as more firm.
He frowns but nods anyways. "I'll see you later guys." He says to his friends as he pushes the strap of his bag further upwards his shoulder.

"You're leaving us for...her?" A guy mocks him as he starts to walk away. Apparently, being a nerd doesn't make you nice person.

"Yes. And next time onwards, keep your comments to yourself." He casually slips the snide remark and winks at me as we turn away from him.

This care doesn't make me happy at all though. Sassy's words keep ringing in my mind and I feel more than annoyed that I need a guy to save me. I grow frustated and I'm pretty sure Albert sees that because he is now watching me.

"Where are we going?" He asks.
"We'll talk in my car." I say curtly.

I don't mean to be so fucking rude. In fact, all I want to do is curl up besides him and listen to him talk about physics and the Earth all day long, but I'm growing increasingly agitated. I shouldn't listen to Sassy, she's probably trying to fuck me up. But she has a point, like always.

As soon as we reach the parking lot, I auto-open my car and dive in the driver's seat. Albert gets in through the passenger side.
"What is it?" He asks, completely facing me.

"Why are you doing this?" I blurt out.
"What?" He furrows his nose. He looks incredibly cute when he does that but now is not the time to point that out.

"Let me be very honest to you." I breathe. "Why do you appear all of a sudden when I need someone? Why are you trying to protect me? Why are you doing all of this?"

"Helping you?" He asks.
"Whatever the fuck you call it." I hiss.

He doesn't seem a bit fazed at all. He scratches his eyebrow and shrugs.
"Now that's a question I don't have an answer to."

His easy demeanour about this whole thing frustates me some more. And then I spew out words which I'm pretty sure make me who I am: a bitch.

"Well, let me tell you why. You think I'm a pet project. Some charity case you can do to feel better about yourself. You want to save me. And once you're done with that shit and I'll get attached to you, you'll either leave or try to control me. Because what else could it be? Why the hell will you associate with a slut like me? The answer is in the question itself. Because I'm a fucking whore. You want to hook up? I'm sorry, I'm not up for it." I don't realize when I started yelling. The look on Albert's face is pure horror.

"Did you seriously say that? Is this what you think of me? I can't believe that you're saying this Melissa. I thought we-"

I cut him off. "You thought we were friends? Exactly. When and how did we become friends? Since you dropped into my life and pulled out that knife from my hand? Or was it when we first met in the library and you threw me out? What suddenly changed after that? You hated me then, where did the sudden love bounce from?"

Albert looks pitiful. Miserable. And it gives me more power to think that I can make people feel like that. I always have. And it works for me, because I'm among those kind of people who won't let others stay happy if they're not happy. Pathetic, I know.

"I was going to say, I thought we had a thing. I never hated you. You bitched about my mother that day and were making noise, it was natural that I had to throw you out. It was then that things changed. What all you said, it hurts. Pet project? Charity case? I'm not trying to save you Mel." His voice is soft, steady, soothing.

"Then what is this? Why would anyone like you try to sort out someone like me? Why spend time, efforts entangling someone who can't ever be not messed up?" My voice cracks.

He pauses. "I'm trying to save myself."

I scoff. "Selfish gains, that's exactly what I'm talking about. You want to feel good about yourself. Does this boost your masculinity? I'm not a chemistry equation you can solve, Albert."

"You can be so harsh at times. You just remind me of..." He stops.
"Of?"
"Never mind. All that you said Melissa, I never thought you would. You aren't a chemistry equation, project or some charity for me. I see someone in you. I see potential in you. I can't sit back and watch you destroy your life. What can I do to prove to you that I'm not using you for any of my selfish means?" Exasperation reeks from his tone.

"Whom do I remind you of? Was there some chick before me who broke you up and you now need me to repair you? Is this a game-"

"Shut up!" He yells all of a sudden. "Enough, Melissa. I'm sorry for shouting at you like that but just because I listen, that doesn't mean you'll go on speaking whatever comes to your mind."

I hold my mouth.

He sighs as he removes his spectacles and wipes them with the bottom corner of his shirt. At this moment, he looks truly broken.

"Well there was. A girl."