Gold And Coal (Ryden AU)

1.3 ◇ Change My Life

She might be dead.

That was the first thing that went through my head when I woke up the next morning.

Every bone and muscle in my body screamed in agony as I sat up and rubbed my eyes.

My head was pounding and a thin layer of sweat covered my skin.

Great.

Pushing my pain aside as much as I could, I got to my feet and pulled on my second shirt, which was dry, unlike the one I had worn yesterday.

I didn't have that luxury with my pants though, only having one pair.

They weren't completely dry, but I wasn't in any place to complain.

Tommorow was my day off. That thought had edged itself in some part of my brain and was the only thing that kept me going.

It wasn't raining. A shower of relief ran through my worn out body. It was weird that I hadn't caugh a cold yet. Maybe my body was finally accepting that it wouldn't get any better than this.

My eyes flashed over the place I had knocked her over, and my stomach twisted with disgust.
I quickly turned sideways against the wall as I vomited against it. There wasn't much for me to be throwing up, luckily, but I regretfully stared at the dinner I had done so much wrong to get, but was now laying on the wet ground, covered in disgusting white fluid.

Groaning, I wiped my mouth and stumbled along the streets, trying not to look too closely at every body slumped against the walls, fearing what I could see.

I didn't try to steal any food on my way to work today, not trusting my stomach to keep it inside.

The church bell chimed just as I reached the humongous building, I was late, so I didn't have time to squeeze myself to the front of the crowd.

Great. This day was starting off amazing.

***

Day off. Tommorow. Free.

These were the words I kept repeating in my mind in order to continue my monotonous work.

And I survived yet another day. But what exactly did that achieve? There wasn't any foreseeable end to this. No light at the end of the tunnel. The only outcome I saw was death. For sure I would die in front of those vicious machines sooner or later. I would collapse and sink to the floor. Someone would yell for a guard. They would come and drag me over the dirty floor by my hands. Throw me out into the even dirtier streets. Hire a replacement. And I would die under the dark skies. No body would notice. No body would care. I had seen it happen countless times.

I walked home lighthearted and content, having pushed every troublesome thought aside for now. It wasn't raining, which was a big improvement from the last couple of days.

I stole two apples on my way home, not sure whether it was a good or a bad thing that I was becoming so good at it.

Before squeezing through the crack in the wall, I glanced up and down the alleyway, half-hoping the little girl from yesterday would appear. But she didn't, and the uneasy feeling settled deeper in my empty stomach.

My father was sleeping, luckily. The last thing I needed right now was a beating.

Nevertheless, I set one of the apples down on the table next to him and dissapeared into the room I could say was mine, throwing my clothes in the corner.

Happily munching on the apple while lying on the dirty blanket, I thought about the day to come.

Hopefully the sun would shine. It had been a month since the last ray of sunshine grazed my pale, unhealthy skin. The factory made that impossible.

It was one of the few things I enjoyed in life. The warm, gentle, loving feeling it gave you, the soothing warmth spreading through your tired body, encouragin you to keep going. To not give up.

Oh how did I miss that.

I finished the apple and rested my head on my arm, using it as a pillow, before draping the blanket over as much of my scrawny frame as possible.

I snuggled into it and sighed at the thought of not having to get up tomorrow.

Maybe I would go further out. Out of this run down district.

Someday I would like to visit the countryside. I had heard about it from stories my mother used to tell me.
How the grass swayed in the wind softly. How the fresh air swirled around in your lungs and pushed out every toxic inside. How the birds happily sang in the green trees.

It sounded like a paradise that I could only visit in my dreams. And that was what it was. I couldn't go there. It was unrealistic. I was stuck here.

A miracle would have to happen for me to even get to the other side of the city.

A miracle. On some days, my imagination spun wildly, drawing vivid images of unrealistic events taking place that would change my life.

I would often found a fortune lying on the ground.
A girl from a rich family would take liking to me.

Each would be more unlikely than the other.

I was allowed to dream. As long as I kept my head in reality, I could dream as much as I wanted to.

But I wouldn't become one of those souls that had too big dreams and dropped everything to try and fullfill them. That never turned out right. A couple years later you would find them lying in the gutter.

I closed my eyes, fantasising about a better life. Any life that wasn't this one.

And once I found one, I slipped into a deep sleep.

~ If you could make the sun burn through the night, and you could make the dead man come alive, if you could make the oceans all run dry,
then I know you can change my life ~