Gold And Coal (Ryden AU)

2.8 ◇ Compromising Me

The first thing I saw when my eyes fluttered open again was Brendon's wide ones inches away. He sighed in relief and backed away a little.

"You need to stop doing this, this almost dying thing. It's not good for a man's heart," he muttered and I gave him a week smile.

My head was still pounding slightly, but nothing compared to earlier. I felt a lot better.

"Wha- what... did... you do?" I breathed out.

"You have a cut or something on your lower back and it got infected and I poured whiskey into it and I had no idea what I was doing but you're alive now so I must have done something right I just remember Diana doing something like that when I was a kid and thought I'd give it a shot because I didn't want you to die and I should probably stop talking now but I'm so glad you're alive and I wouldn't have known what to do if you weren't," he rambled, a single tear dropping out of his pretty eyes.

"Thanks... for saving my... life. Again," I whispered. It was starting to get a little ridiculous. I kept dying, and he kept saving me. But when he wasn't around to save me I didn't die. It's like he triggered™ some kind of reflex in my body to just drop dead.

He laughed a little, sitting down next to me. "I swear to god if this happens again, I'm going to chain you to my body and never let out of my sight again."

"That doesn't sound all that bad, you know," I giggled and he rolled his eyes, getting back up.

"I'm going to fetch you something to drink - don't you dare die!"

He was about to close the door behind him when I called out to him and he turned around. But at that moment I saw his eyes. It was a brief moment, before he stared into my own. They were broken. Sad. And I was the one who had made them that way. It wasn't fair to him, stringing him along like this. The constant flirtations that naturally escaped from my mouth. It gave him false hope and it was cruel. That became clear to me by seeing that look on his face. Because when he fully focused on my face again, they were hopeful and soft, even after how I had rejected him earlier.

"Nevermind," I sighed and watched his smile drop as he headed out of the door.

I was confused. So so confused. It was like whatever had happened to me was karma for what I had done last night. But I couldn't let one experience drive me away completely could I? I wasn't going to give up that easily.

If I ever intended on getting Brendon back, I had to be absolutely sure I wanted to keep him.

But I had to do it before he moved on. I didn't want him to. But I couldn't make him wait.

I had no idea what to do.

Brendon came back, carrying a glass of water and I took it, slowly taking sip after sip. Once it was half empty, James entered the room.

"Looks like you're doing better," he said and I nodded, smiling at him.

"You know..." I started, considering my words carefully in order not to offend anyone, "you people are nice. So much better than anyone I've ever met elsewhere."

James laughed, shaking his head. "It's either nice or angry. Some people deal with rejection and degradation by making sure they never treet others like they were treated, while others can't process it and react violently or angrily."

I nodded, pretty sure I belonged in the first category and made a mental note to never get involved with the second kind.

"Get some rest. See ya later kid," James said before waving me goodbye and dissapearing through the door.