Gold And Coal (Ryden AU)

1.19 ◇ Dark On Me

"Ryan, love, could you please pass me the salt?"

I shuffled over to the kitchen counter, climbing on top of it and passed my mother the salt, which she then drizzled across the delicious smelling meal.

"Please set the table, your father should be home any minute." She smiled sweetly and handed me three plates, which I obediently carried over to the small table.

However, I didn't succeed in placing them on top of it, because a horrifying scream made me drop them.

The shattering of the plates was drowned out by the continuing screams, now mixed with my own as my vision became blurry and all I could see was scarlet blood splashed all over the walls of my home.

My heart was beating at an unhealthy speed, and I ran.

I was on a dimly lit street, covered in blood. Screaming at the top of my lungs.

Something tugged me, causing me to trip and fall.

Shadows begann to close in on me, taking the rest of my vision and confining me to the ground.

They shook me, filling my ears with unfamiliar noises...

"Ryan!"

"Ryan!"

"Ryan, wake up!"

My eyes snapped open and I leaped up, covered in sweat and breathing heavily.

"Hey, hey, shh, it's alright, it was only a dream, you're safe..." Brendon cooed, grabbing my shoulders and pushing me back into the couch.

Before I could do anything to prevent it, I felt a hot tear running down my cheeks as I lay there, shaking violently.

Brendon crawled onto the couch next to me and put an arm around me, running his hands through my messy hair.

I turned around to face him and burried my face in his chest, trying to drown my sobs.

The pictures kept flashing through my mind and I pressed my eyes shut, trying to get rid of them.

It wasn't fair. I had so much to deal with already and life thought it would be funny to let me experience these petrifying dreams over and over again.

It was like I attracted tragedies. Like I attracted pain and misery. Bad luck and misfortune.

Like I had to pay for everyone else's sins.

"Look at me," Brendon said softly, turning my head in his direction.

I opened my eyes; the younger boy's face was illuminated by the stip of moonlight sneeking in through the window and I focused on his eyes.

They were soft and reassuring. They emitted kindness and safety.

"You're gonna be okay," he whispered, running his hand along my face and wrapping it around my fragile frame, pulling me closer to him.

I couldn't help but listen to him, believing his calm voice.

So my eyes slowly drifted shut again, and I fell into a much more relaxed sleep.

▪▪

The next time I woke up wasn't because of some gruesome dream, but of my name being called in a whisper-shout.

I stirred slowly, and almost had a heart attack when I felt someone else stirr underneath me, until I remembered the events of the night.

"What?" I replied with a croaky voice, opening an eye. It was completely dark this time, meaning that the clouds had once again managed to trap the world from any natural light.

"We have to go to work!"

It was Jon, obviously genuinely stressed.

Before I could answer, I felt Brendon's chest move beneath me and he replied, his voice just as tired as mine.

"Both of you are never, ever going back to that place, go back to bed."

There was momentary silence, before I heard Jon's feet shuffle closer.

"Are you firing us?" He whispered.

"No, I'm not, just go back to bed."

Jon hesitated for a while, but then left the room, quietly closing the door behind him.

I let out a shaky breath and rolled off Brendon, fitting myself in the tight space between the back of the couch and his body.

He shuffled a little, probably trying to give me some more space, but then suddenly grabbed my shirt and pulled himself back towards me.

"End of couch," he muttered, turning sideways and resting his head in the crook of my neck. I snaked an arm around him and laid it on his back to prevent him from falling off.

Neither of us seemed to be thinking at the time, because what we were doing wasn't normal.

This close proximity wasn't natural between two strangers, yet alone two men.

That was the thought that rested in the back of our minds, but there was another one lingering there. It was stronger, and more powerful than the other and always managed to fight its way to the front.

It was not so much a thought, but an act of instinct.

We were drawn to each other and calmed each other down.

We felt safe when the other was around.

We felt the need to be close to one another, we craved the touch of the other.

It wasn't normal.

But I couldn't help but to be attracted to him. Not by quantifiable, external beauty, but by something deep down, something absolute.

Just as some people have a secret love for rainstorms, earthquakes, or blackouts, I liked that certain undefinable something he emitted.

For want of a better word, call it magnetism. Like it or not, it's a kind of power that snares people and reels them in.

Mysteries of attraction can not be explained through logic. Sometimes the fractures in two separate souls became the very hinges that hold them together.

But I knew it was wrong. We both knew it was wrong.

That's why we didn't talk about it. We tried to enjoy it as long as we could, tried to blame it on nightmares, pain, or desperation, but never would we admit it out loud.

It had to be kept secret.

If not, both our lives would be destroyed beyond repair, if there would even be a life left.

And so we held each other in the darkness, but as soon as the sun came up, the charm was broken and we were left to fend for ourselves, trying not to let the shadows catch up to us and drag us down.

When the sun came up, there was no us, but rather two seperate individuals you and me.

~ But I found in you, what was lost in me, in a world so cold and empty. You're the cause, the antidote, the sinking ship that I could not let go. ~