Gold And Coal (Ryden AU)

1.30 ◇ Mad World

"I wanted to tell you-"

He immediately started throwing around petty excuses the minute he shut the door after the party was over.

"But you didn't," I stated, trying to keep the tears from gushing out of my eyes. I knew what Elizabeth had said was right, but I wasn't sure whether I could pull my planned conversation through without bursting into tears.

"It's not like we can get married, right?"

"So what? A wedding ring is just a thing that weighs you down and occupies your finger!"

"But it's expected!"

I wanted to throw a brick at him at that moment.

"Are you gonna do what everyone expects of you for the rest of your life?! Weren't you trying to stop that? That's what you told me! You said you wanted to help us!" My voice begann to rise.

"I say a lot!"

"So you didn't mean it?" My voice cracked as I looked at him. That couldn't be true. He couldn't be such a good of an actor. I didn't want to believe that. The only person that showed interest in me fake it?

"I... I don't know, okay? It's not important, just come here."

I swatted away the hand he held out in attempt to touch me. "It's not important?" I whispered disbelievingly. "You don't think it's important that hundreds of us die everyday? You think it's unimportant that Jon's parents are dead?"

"That's not what I said-"

"That's exactly what you said!"

"Then it's not what I fucking meant! Let it go, Ryan!"

I shook my head. Was he joking? I wouldn't have thought he was like this. I thought he was a good person. I thought he wasn't like the others.

"No, Brendon, but you know what? You could have apologised. It would have given this a chance, but you just made this a lot worse," I growled.

"Why do you care so much?!" He groaned, dragging a hand over his face in frustration.

"Because you lied to me. I was beginning to like you, I fucking trusted you. And you broke it, and you can't understand that because you're a spoilt little rat that gets everything he asks for shoved right under his fucking nose!"

"Well maybe you shouldn't have then! That's not my fault!"

"Fuck you!" It was becoming increasingly harder not to burst into tears.

"Yes, fuck me and let's forget this conversation!" He was still annoyingly calm.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I decided to ignore his statement and get back on topic.

'Don't drift off' Elizabeth had said.

"It's a different part of my life! One that you're not part of! I just wanted to keep them seperated!"

"I thought we were friends, or something, I thought you actually cared about me, like I did about you," I whispered.

"I do, Ry, I do care about you, I gave you something to eat, a place to sleep,..."

"But you still managed to hurt me like I've never been hurt before. I can't let this go, Brendon. I don't belong to you, you can't expect me to forgive every one of your mistakes. I'm still my own person."

This wasn't going to end well. It looks like my luxurious life was now officially over.

"Apologise," I tried one last time, even though it was too late. But maybe, maybe we still had a chance if he said it. Maybe we could fix this.

"No! I don't see what I did wrong! It's not like I love you, or anything!"

I stared at him in disbelief, not wanting to acknowledge the words that had just left his mouth. That I had the same use to him as a prostitute.

This time, I couldn't stop the tears slipping out of my eyes. Brendon stood there, and maybe it's just what I wanted to see, but I thought I saw a glint of regret in his eyes, like he didn't mean it. But he didn't take it back. And so there was nothing left for me here.

I stormed out of the room, out of the house. Luckily for me the carriage driver agreed to take me to the factory and didn't question the state I was in.

I stumbled through the streets, until I was home, letting my tears fall freely once I squeezed myself through the gap in the wall.

Jon was there, in the light of a lamp, studying a couple of notes I had given him with a book laid out infront of him. He was learning how to read.

When I entered, he looked up, surprised and jumped to his feet as he saw what a mess I was.

"Ryan, what happened?" He soothed, supporting me to my room and wrapping a couple of newly bought blankets around me.

"We won't be seeing Brendon around any longer," I choked out.

He sighed and didn't ask any further questions, letting me lean against him and sob into his chest.

That was the day when I found yet another terrible thing in this world. Heartbreak. I discovered a whole new side of pain. The physical one didn't seem as bad compared to the bits and pieces of my heart being cut out.

This world is unfair. This world is sad. This world is cruel. This world is crazy. This world is mad. This world is cold. This world is selfish. Maybe this world is another planet's hell.

~

Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you,
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very, very
Mad world, mad world

~

~ end of part 1.