An Ocean For Me To Drown: Bellarke One Shots

I Should Have

          "May we meet again.."
 
        The last words I said to Bellamy as I had walked away. Away from my mom, my friends, my people, and my heart. I knew everyone would hate me, but I hated myself more.

      It had been 16 days since I had left. I had been surviving by sleeping in trees and hunting small game along with the nuts I collected.

     It was peaceful out here. Maybe a little lonely, but that had been helping. There was no forgiveness for my actions, but out here in the wild, there were no constant reminders.

     The sun would go down in about an hour, I needed to find shelter. I walked deeper into the woods, searching for the cave I found this morning. I had left my make shift blanket in there and enough wood to stay warm throughout the night and to cook my rabbit.

      The sun was setting as I lit my fire. I breathed in deeply, the fire immediately repelling the chill of the cave. I prepared my rabbit and placed it to cook and then I opened my bag. When I left camp, I only packed a few things: a blanket, a few medicinal plants, and some art supplies. So far, the least two weeks of solitude, all I've wanted to draw is the faces of the people that I killed. The innocent lives that I ended. But tonight, tonight was different. Somehow my mind wasn't stuck on my guilt. Instead, it was stuck on my heart.

     How crazy it is, to be in love. To feel a pull towards someone that's so strong it physically hurts to be apart from them. To instantly feel relief when that person is near.

    I sighed. It was stupid to think about love. I ate my rabbit and added more wood to the fire. Tomorrow I would leave this cave, and push forward. The more distance between me and other people, the better. All I did was hurt people.

      The next morning, my fire was dying out and I could see that the sun was rising. It reminded me of the time Bellamy stood tall, giving orders around camp early in the mornings, the orange sun behind him.

     "Bellamy," I whispered. The first words I had uttered in weeks. Part of me was relieved, knowing I still had a voice! Another part of me wished that he would've answered me. His name felt so good on lips. "Bellamy," I said, boldly. I giggled, picturing the look in those chocolate eyes, everytime I called to him. It was always a mix of worry but relief. It warmed my heart.

    Suddenly I was laughing, standing outside of the cave. The sun was warm on my cheeks as it peeked through the trees around me. "Bellamy!" I shouted into the sky, for an unknown reason.

     "Princess, you don't need to shout."

     I jumped, my heart racing, beating against my rib cage. I spun around, hand on my knife. The leaves behind me opened up and my heart stopped. Bellamy Blake emerged from the trees, his face dirty but he was grinning.

     "Wh-what are you doing here?!" I half shouted, panting. Bellamy kept walking towards me, his grin growing wider and wider.

      "Princess," he said as his slid around my waist. My arms wrapped around his body as we squeezed each other. I could feel the heat from his skin, his face pressed into my neck. I ran my hand through his hair, holding impossibly closer to me. Tears poured from my eyes, my body instantly shaking. I felt Bellamy squeeze me tighter as he whispered into my ear. "Shh, Princess. I'm here now,"

     After a few moments, I finally could stop the flow of tears enough to speak. I reluctantly pulled back from the hug and looked up into his eyes. "Bellamy, what on earth are you doing here?"

     "I should've stopped you. I tried my best to not follow you. I tried to lead the camp, to lead them the way that you would've wanted. But, for three days, I passed your tent. Your empty tent. When I needed to vent, you weren't there. Your mom was in medical, not you. Every time I brought someone in, I wanted to bring them to you. When I laid down at night, I couldn't fall asleep. My mind was on you. How you were doing. What you were doing. Where you were. Each dream that I had, was filled with you. And I don't know why it took three days, Clarke. I don't know why it took me three days to pack up and find you. I tracked every movement that I could pin to you. I figured out that you slept in trees after coming across trees with a slip of clothing in them. I followed the path that I knew you would take. The one that lead you away from us. And I know why. But, I couldn't think about that. Princess, I've been looking for 13 days. And while that may not seem like much when I say it out loud, it's been 13 days of hell. Of anxiety. Of dreading but hoping. I've been losing my mind, picturing you. Picturing every day I have spent with you. The day we landed. The days we fought. The days that we hunted together. The nights that you and I spent talking under the stars. Clarke I don't know how I didn't just listen to my heart, to my mind. I don't know why it took me three days to understand how deeply in love I am with you. And if you don't feel that same way for me, then that's fine. But for today, if only for one day, today I will not leave your side. If you don't want me here, I'll leave tomorrow morning."

      I stood, my mouth open, my heart yearning, my head spinning. This man that I used to loathe, this man that I loved, had hunted me down. Had traveled miles and miles to find me. To spend a day with me. The man I dreamed about every night.

     "Bell," I sighed. "As much as I want you here, you have to leave," I cried. "This place is dangerous and you're safer at camp. I love you, and I always will, but-" Bellamy kissed me, silencing me.

     My tears spilled out as his lips moved against mine. His arms cradled me, his hands gently rubbing my back. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for you. With you. You're my whole heart, Clarke. I can't live without you."