Dark Angel // Alex Gaskarth

Chapter Five: An Emotion I'll Never Feel Again

Song: Misery Business by Paramore

Angel.  

The rest of the day went by pretty slow. I found out I had gym with Jack and Rian which... I can honestly say I'm happy about. Unfortunately, I also have gym with Holly and Lydia. As usual. they were making fun of me because of my size. They said, and I quote 'You look like a walking skeleton'. It's not my fault my family doesn't have enough money to buy food. We're not extremely poor but ever since my mom fell into a depression, she stopped working which lead to us in desperate need of food- which also lead to me having to get a job.  

Thankfully, my grandmother in Mexico sent us some money so we should be good for a couple more weeks. Besides, I hardley ever eat. Most of the good in our house is consumed by my mother. Not like I'm complaining though, I'd rather have her eating than me.  

My body froze once I heard his familiar voice calling my name. I turned around and saw Alex walking towards me. A huge smile spread across his lips and he motioned for me to wait for him. I had managed to avoid Alex after the incident at lunch. Even when I had him for my seventh period class -science- I had managed to successfully avoid him. For some reason, I forced myself to wait for him.  

"Hey, Angel." Alex smiled once he was standing right in front of me.  

Just his smile alone caused butterflies to irrupt in my stomach. Cheesy, I know but it's the truth. Whenever I'm around Alex, I get really nervous and self conscious. There's no doubt about it, I'm falling for Alex Gaskarth- and fast. These feelings.... they've developed fast and it's scaring me. I've only known him for a day and I can't seem to get him out of my head.  

"Hey." I mumbled, looking down at the ground as if it were more interesting than the beautiful person standing right in front of me. I wish I wasn't so self conscious. Maybe then, I would be able to look at Alex in the face whenever he talks to me.  

"Do you walk home?" Alex asked. I didn't have to look up to know that he was smiling. I can't help but feel irritated whenever I'm around someone as happy as him. I wish I was able to be as happy as him. He probably has a perfect life. A mom & dad who love and support him, brothers and sisters. Alex probably has it all while I just... don't.  

"Yeah." I answered, my voice barely over a whisper. I wouldn't be surprised if Alex hadn't heard me. Whenever I have to present in class or talk to someone, they're always asking for me to repeat things because my voice is usually always quiet.  

"Cool. I'll walk you home." Alex stated, he grabbed my hand and began dragging me out of the school's campus.  

Like before, my attention was fixed on Alex's hand that tightly held on to mine. My heart was pounding and I felt like I was going to pass out any moment. Dammit Alex, what the hell are you doing to me? Why the hell am I feeling the way I am. None of this makes sense. Please, someone save me form this confusing situation.  

As if on cue, I heard Jack shouting our names. Alex quickly let go of my hand, he turned around and -if possible- his smile widened once he saw Jack, Rian and an unfamiliar figure walking towards us. Jack -as usual- had a wide smile spread across his lips. Rian looked content with the situation and the third guy looked.... well his expression was difficult to make out. He looked absent minded.  

"Hey guys." Alex greeted as he began walking towards them. I just stood there, contemplating on whether I should go with them or just... go home. Maybe if I run fast, they wont be able to stop me. Yeah, I think going home would definitely be the best opt- 

I turned around and quickly began walking away. Thankfully, Jack, Alex, Rian and the third guy were too wrapped up in their conversations to notice me leaving.  

Once I finally reached my house, I walked into the living room where my mother was blankly staring at the television. Some Spanish drama was on but she wasn't paying attention to it. As usual, her mind was somewhere else.  

I sighed quietly before starting upstairs and into my bedroom. I closed the door behind me, placed my backpack on the floor next to my desk before collapsing on my bed. I stared up at the ceiling and began to let my mind wonder.  

It always breaks my heart to see my mother like this. I hate seeing anyone in pain or suffering but when it's my own mother, it's absolutely heart breaking.  

She wasn't always like this.... my mother wasn't always depressed. She used to be such a happy person. Always smiling, laughing and playing with Oscar and I. She would always take us to parks, the store, festivals etc. My mother always put us first. She cared for us and if anyone ever gave us dirty looks- she would go ballistic.  

I remember one time, we were at the zoo and some lady was giving me dirty looks because I was a fith grader with a Nirvana shirt. My mother saw the lady glaring at me and lost it. If it hadn't been for the security guard- my mother would most likely gotten into a fight. Let's just say, we're band from the zoo for life.  

Yeah, my mom got us banned from the zoo but Oscar and I weren't mad at her. We were both happy that she didn't go to jail or anything.  

I smiled at the memory of Oscar, my mother and I. When my father left our family, my mother was said but she told Oscar and I that we don't need him to have a happy life... and she was right. For years, the three of us were the happiest with out my father. Everyone was able to see it. We were a happy family.  

But all of that changed. Our happiness was ripped away. Our family is torn apart and happiness seems impossible.  

Happiness seems like something that I can only find in dreams and memories.  

It's an emotion that I don't think I'll ever be able to feel again.