Dark Angel // Alex Gaskarth

Chapter Nine: I'll Save You From Yourself

Title Credit: The Sadness Will Never End by Bring Me The Horizon

Song: 21 Guns by Green Day

Angel.  

I continued walking down the lonely street until I finally reached the brown house at the end of the street. I squinted my eyes and read the numbers '5920' on the side of the white front door. I looked down at the paper Jack had given me during gym and read aloud those exact numbers.  

This is it, this is Alex's house.  

I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing by visiting Alex but I want to make sure he's okay. I used to do stupid things when I was depressed or sad about Oscar's death and I want to make sure Alex doesn't do those things.  

I opened the front gate of the house and started down the small pathway. I stepped on the porch and knocked on the door. Minutes went by before someone finally answered. I looked at the short woman with curious eyes. She looked exactly like Alex. Same brown hair, similar chocolate eyes and a kind smile spread across he lips, must be his mum. "May I help you?" She asked.  

"Um, is Alex home?" I asked, feeling somewhat nervous. I shouldn't have just came here unexpected, I should have at least called him first or something like that. It's rude that I came here without even letting Alex know before hand.... Then again, Jack told me that Alex wasn't answering his phone so even if I did try to call him, he wouldn't have answered.  

His mother nodded, she stepped aside and led me into their home. I followed her down the hallway until we stopped in front of a door, I figured it was Alex's bedroom door.  

"What's your name, dear?" His mother asked, looking up at me with curious eyes.  

"Angel Alvarez." I answered, sending her a friendly smile.  

She nodded and introduced herself as Isobel Gaskarth, she told me she'd preferred if I just called her Isobel instead of 'Mrs. Gaskarth', since that was too posh in her perspective.  

I thanked her and watched her walk down the hallway and disappear into ~where I'm assuming~ the living room. I turned around and quietly knocked on Alex's bedroom door. Shuffling was heard on the other side followed by footsteps before the door swung open revealing a very tired looking Alex.  

His puffy eyes widened slightly once he saw me. "Angel, what are you doing here?" He asked in shock.  

"Um, is it okay if I come in?" I asked, my voice came out quieter than I would have liked but I ignored my annoying trait.  

Nodding, Alex opened the door wider and led me into his room. I took a moment to admire the dozens of posters he had up on his wall. There were mostly bands like Blink-182, Sum 41, Green Day, etc.  

Alex and I both stood there in an awkward silence. I wanted to say something and free us from this unbearable and comfortable silence but I didn't know where to start. I wanted to ask him if he was okay but, what if he gets upset with me for knowing about his brother's suicide? Well....it's worth a shot.  

"What are you doing here?" Alex asked, his voice laced with curiosity but I was able to see the sadness he tried to hide in his brown eyes.  

I shifted uncomfortable and looked down at the floor below us, "I wanted to see if you were okay." I answered, truthfully.  

Alex sighed, "Jack told you? Didn't he?" He asked, there wasn't anger in his voice or anything. His tone was emotionless and his face was blank. He was trying to cover up his emotions but it wasn't working. I could see he wanted to break down any moment.  

I nodded but said nothing. Instead, I slowly walked towards Alex and wrapped my arms around his waste. Alex was tense at first but soon returned the hug. Words don't always work best when trying to comfort someone and sometimes, a hug is all they really need to feel a little better.  

Alex buried his face into the crook of my neck and I could hear him beginning to sob quietly. The sound of him crying was absolutely heartbreaking and all I wanted to do was take away the pain that he was feeling. The feeling of suddenly loosing someone so important in your life is absolutely heart wrenching and I would never wish the feeling on anyone else.  

Eventually, Alex managed to calm down. He stopped crying but neither of us pulled away from our hug. Honestly, I didn't want to pull away. It's weird, whenever I'm in Alex's arms, I feel safe and normally, I would cringe at the thought of touching other people but I feel the most comfortable when Alex has his arms wrapped around me.  

"I'm sorry." Alex whispered, his breath hit my neck, chills ran down my spine but I chose to ignore them.  

"Don't apologies. I know how it feels to loose someone so suddenly. It's best to let out your emotions rather then keep them bottled inside." I said in response.  

Alex lifted my chin up with his finger, forcing me to look up at him. A blush crept on my cheeks as I looked into his brown eyes. "You do?" Alex asked, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.  

Sighing, I nodded in response before averting my gaze back down on the ground. "My brother, Oscar, he um.... we were walking home one day and... these guys they, they p-pulled out their guns and... and..." I trailed off, unable to finish my sentence due to the shakiness in my voice. Tears began falling from my eyes once the memory flashed in my mind. I had tried so hard to forget that terrible day but.. it's impossible. That horrible memory will forever be imprinted in my mind.  

Alex's grip tightened and he pulled me closer to him. I buried my face into his chest and continued to cry quietly. Alex drew circles on my back in attempt to calm me down; the attempt worked. Eventually, I stopped my crying and quickly wiped my tears away. "Sorry." I mumbled, scolding myself for crying in front of Alex. I hate crying in front of other people. The only people that have seen me cry are my parents, Oscar, some of my teachers and Jack.  

Alex chuckled quietly, "You said it yourself, don't apologies. It's better to let out your emotions, remember?" He asked, smiling sadly.  

Blushing, I nodded before looking back down at the ground. I hate how shy I am around Alex. I mean, I'm already a shy person but whenever I'm around him; I get so nervous and he makes my heart race. It's all apart of these stupid feelings I have for him. My feelings are pointless because as I said before, there are girls practically drooling for Alex, he would never go for someone like me. Never.  

"If you don't mind me asking, when did your brother um,..... die?" Alex asked, he seemed to be nervous about asking me such a question but I didn't mind.  

"Two days from today will be the three years since he committed suicide. January, 7th." I answered, a shaky sigh escaped my lips. I'm going to have to pick up some flowers after school tomorrow so I can place them on Oscar's tombstone.  

Alex nodded, he said nothing but pulled me into another tight hug, which I gladly returned. I don't know how long we stood there, hugging each other but it felt like hours had gone by before Alex pulled away.

"Thank you." Alex said, a small smile formed on his lips. I couldn't help but stare at his plump lips. I wonder, how it will feel like having his lips pressed against mine....  

My curiosity began to grow and I absentmindedly began leaning closer to Alex until our lips gently brushed against each other. The slight contact gave me goosebumps and I wanted more.  

Our lips molded perfectly together, I closed my eyes and let my fingers tangle in Alex's hair. He cupped the side of my face and deepen the kiss. I don't know how long we spent kissing but I knew that it wasn't enough. We were forced to pull away from each other once we both were in desperate need of air.  

Once I managed to catch my breath, I realized what had just happened.  

I kissed Alex.  

Fuck.  

"I-I have to g-go." I stuttered as I grabbed my backpack from the floor and hurried out of Alex's bedroom. I ignored his pleads for me to wait and ran out of his house. I continued running until I finally reached my house.  

This isn't good. I can't let Alex in. I just... I can't. If I let him in, he'll just leave me in the end.