Dark Angel // Alex Gaskarth

Chapter Ten: Let's Forget This Ever Happened

Song: All I Wanted by Paramore

~Angel~  

"I'm going to the cemetery." I said softly as I stood in front of my mother. She was sitting on the living room couch, staring blankly at the pictures on the television. Her hands gripped on to the picture of Oscar, my father and I that she had taken years ago but her face continued to show no emotions. I know she's hurting on the inside but she refuses to show it.  

I planted a small kiss on her cheek before turning around and starting towards the front door. I stepped outside and shivered slightly at the cold January air. Closing the door behind me, I made sure it was locked before I started towards the direction of the grocery store. 

As I was walking, I couldn't help but think of Alex and what had happened the day I went to go visit him at his house. I haven't spoken to him since and I plan to keep things that way. As much as I want to go apologies to him for kissing him so unexpectedly, I know that I can't. He probably hates me and I wouldn't blame him if he did.  

I know Jack has tried to reach me in these past two days. He's tried calling me but I never answer my phone, I don't know how he got my number but I figured it was through Alex, seeing as he's the only person who's asked for my number in these couple of months.  

Pushing all thoughts of Alex aside, I brushed my bangs away from my eyes and shoved my hands inside the pockets of my grey jacket. Before I knew it, I had arrived at the small grocery store that was a couple of block away from the cemetery. After purchasing the small bouquet of flowers, I hurried out of the store and continued my journey towards the cemetery.  

Once I reached the familiar place, I walked through the entrance and started towards the marble tombstone in the fifth row. Once I reached the grave, I gently set the fresh pile of flowers on the ground and sat down on the dead grass. I brought my knees up to my chest and stared at the tombstone in complete silence. The words 'Oscar Manuel Alvarez, October, 21st, 1987 - January, 7th, 2003.' were written across the tombstone in cursive letters.  

"Hey Oscar," I began, my voice came barely above a whisper, "Mom couldn't come this year....again, but don't worry, I'm doing my best to make sure she's okay."  

I pressed my chin against my knee and sighed quietly. Blinking back the tears that were now forming in my eyes, I smiled sadly at the memory of all of the wonderful moments Oscar and I once shared.... But, those are just memories now. Precious memories that will never be forgotten.  

I wonder how different things would be like if Oscar hadn't died. I think, if he was here, my life would definitely be different. I probably wouldn't be so shy, I wouldn't have to force smiles and I wouldn't have had to pick up my blade again. Mom would still have her job, she would smile, she would talk again. I also wonder if things would have been better if that bullet had hit me instead of Oscar.  

If I was buried six feet under the ground instead of Oscar; everyone would be a lot more happier now. Oscar had his own group of friends, I was and am I loner. My mom loves me but I always knew that she favored Oscar, even if she didn't mean to. I am an average student and my teachers usually don't notice my existence so it's not like I would be missed at school.  

Yeah, everything would be much better for everyone else if the bullet had hit me instead of Oscar.  

"Angel..?" A familiar voice asks, ripping me away from my sad but true thoughts.  

I look over at Alex with sad eyes. He was standing a few feet away from me, wearing a Blink-182 hoodie, black pants and worn out converse. His hood was covering his head and he had his hands in the pockets of his jacket.  

My eyes glanced over at Oscar's grave that was placed a couple of inches in front of me. Alex must have caught on but instead of leaving me by myself, he took a seat on the ground next to me. I felt Alex wrap his arm around my shoulder but I didn't pull away. Instead, I leaned my head against him and stared sadly at the tombstone.  

I wonder what Oscar would have to say about Alex. I mean, he'd obviously figure out that I had feelings for him but, I wonder if he'd disprove of Alex..... It's not like it matters though, Alex would never go for someone like me. Not like I would let him though, I'm too afraid to let anyone in anymore.  

After a while of sitting in silence, I pulled out my phone from my pocket and checked the time, 3:32 pm. I bit my bottom lip as I contemplated on whether I should just stay here with Alex or leave. I decided it was best for me to leave, seeing as mom hasn't eaten anything all day and it would probably be best to make her something for dinner.  

"I have to go." I muttered as I stood up from the ground. Brushing off the grass on my jeans, I sighed quietly and began walking towards the entrance of the cemetery. I didn't get very far though because Alex grabbed my arm and pulled me back.  

"What's wro-" I began to question him but was cut off by his lips pressing against mine. I didn't hesitate to return the kiss. Ever since I had kissed Alex in his room, all I've wanted these past two days was to have his lips pressed against mine. The feeling was absolutely amazing but I knew that it could never last long.  

I placed my hands on Alex's chest and gently pushed him away. "I'm sorry, I can't do this, Alex." I whispered. The hurt in Alex's eyes was absolutely heart breaking but I just... I don't want to be hurt again.  

"Why?" Alex asked, his voice was also quiet but the pain was visible.  

"Because.... if I let you into my life, you'll just leave in the end." I replied, looking down at the ground.  

A couple minutes of silence passed by before Alex let out a quiet sigh. He pulled away from me and took a couple of steps back. "I understand," He sighed, "Let's just...... pretend this never happened, okay? I'll see you on Monday." He finished before quickly walking towards the entrance of the cemetery.