AMA-Con: The Compilation

Unfinished: Chapter 2

 JOKE LANG PO MANONG RITSARD!

Do I have cold feet? Of course I do. This is a lifetime commitment we are talking about. I had relationships before us (and you did too), and not only do they pale in comparison with what I feel for you, but the magnitude of the possibility of heartbreak was and is enormous. I remember telling Ate Coleen about how crazy it me for me to give it a try, because you are the Pambansang Bae. She asked me then if I was interested in Alden Richards, the bedimpled cutie on the splitscreen or Richards Faulkerson Jr., the boy-now-man I met on some Saturday afternoon five years before we met again. I never told you this but my answer was Richard. And I also never told you this, but in my head I called you Richard since July 16. Remember the first letter I gave you, love? Yes, always Richard. Alden is great, don't get me wrong---he's charming and protective and beautiful. Alden can make me feel kilig with a smile, a smirk, a wink, a gaze, a caress. The literal wall he makes whenever we are together never fails to make me feel cherished. Richard though, he's all that and more. He is the man who calls me up in the middle of the night because he wants me to go to sleep, he's the guy who brings me laksa and ramen bowls because he thinks I've gone too long without them, he's the guy who thinks that he's not enough for me because he did not finish college (which is now kaput by the way because you did finish it love like I told you you could), he's the guy who berates himself because there seemed to be never enough time for everyone, he's the guy who gets annoyed because he can't shelter me 100% of the time from the intrigues of the business (even if he acknowledges I can handle it), he's the guy who'd hold my hand when the dinosaur attacks, and he's the guy who loves me when I am at my moodiest, walang kwentang kausap episodes. Richard my love, you amaze me.

Do I have cold feet? Of course I do. I am scared shitless. My fears when you first told me you were falling in love with me are still valid today. I had no plans in getting involved with anyone in the showbiz industry, with celeb relationships not exactly for the long haul. And worse, it had to be somebody perfect like you (RJ, stop rolling your eyes). You showed me many times over however that your interest was not just because we were thrown together and convenience (yehes, propinquity!!!) nor because of gratitude with both our careers taking off when our paths crossed, but because you saw something in me that apparently filled the ?vacancy that sat in your heart.? You sang it, didn't you? I know you did love. Haha. Where was I? Oh. Whatever apprehensions I had, you did not make them magically disappear over night. Instead you proved to me every day that you wanted Menggay---by winning my family over without my help (always so brave when Tatay is around lol), by spending time with me away from the cameras 99.99% of the time, by telling me how much you love the things that I hate about myself, and of course, by emphasizing I belong in your future with all the plans you included me in. You wanted the Menggay who has low self-esteem, is shy half the time and would rather steep herself in silence. You wanted the Menggay who can be too frank and a bully and demanding. You actually liked and loved the Meng she thought no one could ever want.

Do I have cold feet? Of course I do. With you waiting at the altar though, I can do it. Someone once said, "Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it." AND I DO WANT YOU FOREVER. Kinilabutan ka ba? Me? Yes. Hahaha. I love you so much Richard. I know we've kept this relationship mostly under wraps as much as we could but starting today I want to love you LOUDLY. I want people to take one look at you and say, "Richard is so loved by Maine." I finally told you I felt the same way on some random but usual tambay January afternoon three years ago, and I remember your look of disbelief. You even spilled some ice cream on your shirt! I want that every day for us, a mix of dedication and surprise. I want to make you laugh, and cry from laughing too much. I want to cook for you, even if I'll complain about it most of the time. I want call you in the middle of the day to remind you to change your shirt because you've been sweating too much. I want you to be tired and cranky with me and I'll baby you till you grin like a payb year old. I want to share carrying that weight you've had on your shoulders since Mommy Rio passed away. I want to be your soundboard and the shoulders you cry on when everything feels too much—you've bottled yourself for too long love. I want to wear your white shirts to sleep and let you take them off me whenever, wherever (excited ka biglaaaa no?!). I want to love you the way you want to be loved and the way you deserve to be loved. I want to make you happy every day my Richard.