Together but Separate

Chapter 42: Hard Decision

Kate R. Ferragni

Maaga akong nagising ngayong araw. Pagkagising ko ay napahawak agad ako sa tiyan ko at ngumiti saka sinabing, "Good morning, baby. Mama's going to work today so please don't give me a hard time."

It's been days since I found out that I was pregnant. I could say that it had gotten better with each passing day because I was learning how to accept my condition, and I was learning how to adapt to it. I realized that even though I was not ready to get pregnant, I could not deny the fact that I loved my baby, and I didn't want anything to happen to him or her. My baby was the unexpected blessing that I could not refused.

I got up slowly and went to the shower. I had made many changes in my personal hygiene. I switched everything to unscented from my shampoo and body wash to my lotion. I also stopped wearing perfumes because I felt nauseous when I smelled a fragrance. My sense of smell was very sensitive. I also stopped eating and drinking unhealthy for my baby.

After taking a shower and dressing up, I went downstairs for breakfast. I made it a habit to eat breakfast before going to work. Kung dati ay umaalis ako ng bahay na walang laman ang tiyan, ngayon ay hindi ko na hinahayaan na walang laman ang tiyan ko. I was being too careful na hindi ako malipasan ng gutom.

Pagbaba ko ay nagluto agad ako sa kitchen. I preferred to cook my own breakfast dahil alam ko ang gusto kong kainin. The helpers would just prepare my milk and fruits. Sinabihan ko kasi sila na huwag magluto ng pagkain dahil ako na ang bahala. Ayoko naman kasi masayang ang effort nila at ang pagkain kung hindi ko kakainin.

After breakfast, pumunta na ako sa office. Agad akong dinalhan ng tubig at gatas ni Linda pag-upo ko sa swivel chair ko. Noong una nagtaka siya nung inayawan ko ang kape dahil 'yon ang lagi kong hinihingi sa umaga. Pero ngayon ay kabisado na niya na ayoko na ng kape kaya iba na ang mga dala niya.

"Ma'am Kate, magla-lunch time na po. Gusto niyo po bang orderan ko na kayo ng pagkain?" tanong ni Linda.

Napatingin ako sa orasan. Eleven na ng umaga. Ang bilis lang ng oras.

"Huwag na, Linda. Hindi na kailangan. Kakain na lang ako sa labas. I wanna get some fresh air also."

"Okay po. Ipapahanda ko na lang po ang kotse ninyo."

Tatalikod na sana siya nung nagsalita ako, "May update ka na ba kay Nicko? Umuwi na kaya siya?"

Nakita ko ang pag-iba ng expresyon niya sa mukha. May lungkot at awa sa mga mata niya. "Wala po akong balita, ma'am, eh. Hindi nagre-reply sa akin sina Sofia at Adrian. Hindi rin natin malalaman kung umuwi na si Sir Nicko kung private plane po niya ang sinakyan niya. Mahirap po makakuha ng balita kung ayaw magkwento ng mga empleyado niya."

I tried so hard to understand Nicko and to not think about him. But the longer I hadn't heard from him, the harder it gets. He was making it really hard for me. I knew him as a very understanding and patient person. He was an open minded person too. I didn't expect he would be this cold to me for such a long time. He was probably so mad at me. I hurt him so bad that I made him hate me.

Sometimes, I could not keep myself from thinking that our marriage could end anytime if it continued to be like this. I dreaded thinking about that but I tried to be open to the possibility because I didn't want to get hurt so much. But how could I keep myself from hurting if my marriage to the man I love would end? Plus the fact that I was carrying our child. I didn't want our baby to grow up fatherless or in a broken family. Though, could I prevent those circumstances from happening?

Malungkot akong napatango. She gave me a look of sympathy before she silently left my room. I sighed and shook my head to dismiss the stressful thoughts.