Sparkler Snapshots

XXVIII | The Drunkard En Garde

"He was a wise man who invented beer." – Plato

Date: September 16th to October 3rd, 2017

Occasion: Oktoberfest

Country: Germany

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XXIX | The Drunkard En Garde

"Guten morgan, bromeo!"

"It's almost dinnertime, dudeliet."

"Come on, you know I never get up earlier than two in the afternoon."

"Uh, you know your shift starts at noon, right?"

"Ah, sarcastic as always, aren't you?"

"When you're serving beer to hundreds and hundreds of muscly drunkards for sixteen days straight each year, sarcasm becomes your only coping mechanism for your crippling burnout."

"Aw, can I kiss your burnout and make you feel better?"

"Nothing can recover me from my burnout. This shit is permanent."

"Can I kiss you anyway?"

"Nope, you need to stay at your post. That's an order."

"Oh, I get so hot and flustered when you boss me around like that."

"Save it for the bedroom, soldier."

"The birds and the bees with a waiter and a guard. How kinky!"

"How the hell is that kinky?"

"Everything is kinky if your mind is dirty enough."

"Jesus, my mind must have been dunked in the River Lethe."

"Well, the pure ones are my favorite prey."

"May I remind you who tops in this relationship?"

"Please, go ahead! My fellow eavesdropping guard friends are eagerly waiting for your answer."

"Tell them to grab some more shots and mind their own beeswax."

"No one can say no to more shots!"

"Anyway, is it just me, or do you feel really suffocated right now?"

"I'm breathing the freshest air around, baby. I love being a guard. Are there loads of people in your tent?"

"Yeah, the first day of Oktoberfest is always the most crowded. Who knew Munich could hold so many people?"

"Oktoberfest has no character limit, unlike Twitter."

"Actually–"

"Okay, yeah, I know I'm supposed to turn people away if the crowd keeps swelling, but I feel bad for kicking them out of the best festival of the year!"

"They have fifteen more days to get wasted, you know."

"Only fifteen! Oktoberfest should be all year round, and universal. I mean, it's beer! Who would turn down the chance to crack open a cold one with the boys?"