Sparkler Snapshots

XLVIII | None The Wiser

"Age is a relative term. All my relatives keep reminding me how old I am." – Unknown

Date: Varies

Occasion: Birthdays

Country: Worldwide

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XLVIII | None The Wiser

Dear Luce,

Or should I say twat? I usually call you that. You always call me something even nastier in retaliation, but I know you secretly find my insults endearing.

Now, back to the point. Happy birthday! I'm writing this letter a week in advance so it'll hopefully get to you by the big day. You know how unreliable postal services are. Anyway, I know how special your eighteenth is to you. I'm sorry I can't be there in person. College is overwhelming as hell. Or will I pop up out of your birthday cake like those strippers do? You'll just have to see.

I had to think for weeks about what I was going to write. I know you'd say I only took so long due to my lack of brain cells, but I had to figure out a way to embarrass you and say something nice. So, I'm going to go through the stages of your life in detail, which is the embarrassing part, and then say cheesy things about them. Sound good? Yes? No? I don't care, I'm doing it anyway.

So, your birth, perhaps the most mortifying part to talk about. Not for you, by the way. I meant for me. Not that I don't appreciate the miracle of childbirth, but describing the process? No, thank you. I want to keep my breakfast in my stomach, thanks. Besides, even if I wanted to describe your birth, I wouldn't be able to, because I wasn't there. Did mom tell you that?

I was actually being babysat by Uncle Tristan and Aunt Faith while mom and dad were at the hospital. Let me tell you, neither of them were qualified to babysit. Aunt Faith tried to teach me a dance routine and Uncle Tristan let me play with sharp medical equipment instead of toys. How did that guy even manage to get a PhD?

When mom and dad came back to the house, carrying you in a tiny cradle, I had no idea what was going on. I was only two years old myself, remember? I do recall being super angsty after I learned that I would have to share a room with you. That changed when I actually met you. When I saw your pudgy baby face, I started to laugh. I guess I realized how weird your face is early on.

When I was four and you were two, I could walk but you could only crawl. Sometimes I would waddle over to you and poke you in the stomach. I noticed that every time I did it, you would giggle. I had no idea why. Then you did it back to me one day and I realised why you laughed. Well, you know we still have tickle wars to this day. So, that stuck.

When I was eight and you were six, you were starting elementary school. You had a blue lunchbox and I had a pink one because mom and dad don't like gender roles. I kept sneaking out the cookies dad packed in your lunchbox. You never noticed, but mom did, and she was furious. She gave you extra cookies, which I was peeved about. Then you discovered that you didn't really like cookies anyway and gave all of yours to me. Thanks for that, by the way.

When I was twelve and you were ten, we went on a family vacation to Santorini. Everyone was there. Us, our parents, our many surrogate uncles and aunts, and their kids too. I loved Greece. It was incredible, and the sea there was the bluest blue that had ever blued. We went during the week of your birthday. Everyone pretended they forgot about your eleventh, and you were so upset that I bought you a snow cone, but then the fireworks went off and the cake came out.

The fireworks were awesome. They even spelled your name in the air, along with a birthday message. It cost our parents a fortune. Now that I think about it, why did they never do that for me? Anywho, remember when Uncle Fletcher nearly killed himself trying to set off those fireworks? He tripped over them and set them off near his face. It grazed the side of his head and burned off a strip of hair. To be fair, it looked pretty badass. Too bad his hair grew back.

When I was fifteen and you were thirteen, you were starting to date. Like most older brothers, I was against my baby sister dating guys. The jock you brought home nearly gave me a heart attack. He was several inches taller than me and had a reputation for cheating. So, I made up this story that you had AIDs, and he cleared off quick. You refused to speak to me for a week.

When I was seventeen and you were fifteen, you helped me meet up with the love of my live. Without you taking me back to that ski lodge, even after I was severely injured, I would never have reunited with Quinn and let her know that I loved her. So, thanks for dragging me on the stupidest and most exhilarating adventure of my life. Also, I know you chose that neon pink arm cast to piss me off, but jokes on you, it started to grow on me.

Now I'm twenty and you're eighteen. What a whirlwind our lives have been, right? I blame our crazy family. We've been through many ups and downs, but we went through them together. You may be a twat, but since we're related by blood, I'm probably a twat by default. So, let's be twats together while we struggle through the rest of our lives.

Welcome to your first taste of adulthood. You're going to hate it. I certainly do. There are some perks, though. Finding love, for example. Love is awesome. As much as I dislike saying this, I give you permission to date. Not that you care about my permission, but it was worth a shot. If the person looks sketchy to me, though, I'll start talking about AIDs again, and that's a promise.

You know where you want to go and what you want to do in life. You always have. Now you have the freedom to do it without our parents breathing down our necks. So, enjoy having a bunch of new privileges.

If you get too big-headed, remember that time you walked into a pole last week after catching the eye of some hot guy? You know why that happened? As your brother, I will remind you that Luce, you may be one year older, but trust me, you're none the wiser.

Love,
Andrew

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A/N (05/05/20): Thank you for reading <3 please, as always, let me know if you spotted any cultural inaccuracies or stereotypes in this story. Feel free to DM me if you aren't comfortable commenting. I hope you enjoyed this anthology – it was definitely the pride and joy of my teenage years :')