Chit and Jake

Jake

Chit and Levy's flirting was disgusting and I was getting rather sick of seeing it. Every time they got within a ten meter radius or even saw each other it started. Flirty waves at the lockers, constant complements, the hugging, playing with each other's hands and hair- I felt like I was about to be physically ill. They aren't even dating so why are they being so lovey-dovey, I'd say make out already but I don't want to see that. Yeah, I'll admit I'm jealous but so what? Of course I would be. How the hell did he end up with her? Because it's right. What am I even thinking about such disgusting things for, they're my friends. I don't feel that way. I can't feel this way. I need space, space and a distraction, a new friend. I noticed that Chris is always so quiet, and when he does involve himself in the 'group' conversations he always comes across as reluctant. So he wasn't enjoying this either, maybe we could both go and leave those pair to their little love fest. I decided to ask about his sketch book, about seeing it. Eventually I got a yes, using pretty much using any means necessary. It was amazing, unlike anything I'd ever seen before. Each page felt like it was alive, there were sketches of people I knew, of places I knew all flowing and interlocking like time itself. Each section held more detail about a day then a diary ever could. Diaries are things focused on the person who was writing it, this-this felt like it was encompassing everyone's day. There was the day the girl form tenth grade was crying in the hallway and screaming, there was the day a couple I hadn't even recognised was fighting. The emotions were raw and the drawings fluid on the page. It was amazing and then there was me. Me lining recent pages, there was jealousy so clear in my eyes, there was our group sitting on the grass near the oak. Then there was me smiling brightly and it looked so out of place, in amongst all of this emotions flowing from every direction, from everyone. There was finally emotion flowing from the author, finally a something about him. I looked over at Chris, who had gone entirely red and felt myself frown but I couldn't stop smiling so I guess it was a frown with a smile. He looked at me and shrugged before looking away again.
"Chris I haven't smiled like that today, or recently actually." It was a statement and I still hadn't given back his sketchbook but I was struggling with where to look. That drawing was beautiful but so was its creator.
"I know." He said matter-of-factly as he looked at his lap, and refused to move his gaze.
"Then what is it doing here, it's so...out of place." I touched the drawing lightly, like if I touched it, it would break.
"Out of time, actually. Right place, wrong time." He continued to speak to his lap, which I found ridiculous.
"What do you mean?" I knocked him gently with my elbow and half-smiled as I said this and it achieved its purpose, he looked at me.
"I want to see you smile like that, and you will, but it wasn't today. It's just something that I wanted to see today." He was facing me but refused to look me in the eye as he admitted this.
"It's future tense in a story written in present tense?" It made a lot of sense that way, I could understand it easier.
"Yeah..." He looked me in the eye with an expression somewhat similar to surprise as he trailed off.

The next few days we sat together and it was perfect. There was no pressure, no need to disrupt the comfortable silence with pointless words. It was peaceful and I enjoyed it. I was rather sick of Chit bugging me about it, but I enjoyed that because it showed that he was feeling jealous, that he now understood how I felt. As sadistic as that sounds.

I saw a lot of Chris that weekend. We met at the rose garden or the café or the bookstore- and each time it was the same as at school, he'd draw or paint or sketch and I sit and talk when I felt like it. At the café, he didn't have his sketchbook out and I was worried. I asked and he simply replied with, 'I feel like talking today.' So we talked and he asked me about a lot of things but finally, he asked about my jealousy.
"You must've liked her for a really long time if you're this jealous." Chris stated after he'd ordered us both a Coke spider and a pastry.
"What?" I asked, confused. Why was he saying 'her', didn't he know?
"Your jealousy towards Chit and Levy. You must've liked her for a really long time if you're this jealous. Tell me about it?" His expression was open but there was a tiny bit of something else behind it.
"I-I don't..." I stuttered honestly.
"Of course you do! it's not the friendship thing then what else is it?" He chuckled but the look in his eyes stayed the same, which worried me.
"I thought you knew." I half-stated, half-asked.
"Obviously not..." He now, looked at me with confusion.
"I don't-I don't like Levy." I cringed, waiting for an instant realisation and a lecture or something alone those lines.
"You don't...you like Chit." He pointed at me and I flinched of habit before slowly reopening my eyes and nodding.
"You're not straight..." He said slowly, still connecting the dots.
"I-I like g-guys. I-I'm gay." As I stuttered this simple, yet completely impossible sentence to utter, Chris' expression changed to complete surprise. I'd linked all the dots together for him and shown him most of the picture. Tears rolled down my face as a smile formed. I took a moment and held my face in my hands, still crying I continued, "I said it. I finally said it. It feels so good to say that. I've been holding it in for so long and I've dated so many girls, trying to get rid of it but I just I can't anymore...this is me." It was hard to see through teary eyes and my hands so I just shut my eyes and prepared for the reaction that was going to come.
"Oh my god..." Chris said in horror and whatever slim chances I had of a good reaction seemed to disappear in that one sentence.
"D-do you hate me?" I cringed, waiting for a blatant yes.
"Of course I don't. This doesn't change you, it just lets you be yourself, fully and completely." I looked up at him and he was smiling and crying too. He got out of his seat and came over to me. As he pulled me up out of my chair and into his arms I was still in shock, he didn't hate me...there was no bad reaction, nothing had changed except now our shoulders- well mine, his chest more than his shoulder- were wet and I could be myself around him.
"You're not supposed to be crying too ya'know?" I mumbled grumpily.
"Yeah, I am. Because I am too. Well, not gay- I'm bi." I could feel his smile on my shoulder and I couldn't help but smile too. Now we could both be ourselves. It felt so good to finally be me...so good.