Chit and Jake

Chit

I was sick of this, I couldn't fight with Jake any longer. We were going to work this out. I wanted my best friend back god damn it. Finally Monday came and I'd figured out the perfect plan, with several back ups just incase. The plan was to wag SOSE, and leave a note in Jakes locker to wag SOSE and meet me at the lockers. I left it unaddressed because I'm pretty sure if he knew it was me he wouldn't come. SOSE was my second period on a Monday and it was Jakes as well. Neither of us actually like SOSE, or our teachers for it, so it was the best and most promising class the skip.
I sat through my entire first period, alone might I add because ever since that sketchbook incident he hasn't been sitting with me. I sat there a nervous wreck, I couldn't focus on Shakespeare right now I was too busy running situations through my head. Finally the bell for second period ended and it was now or never.
I went to the lockers and waited. One minute passed, then five and everyone had disappeared, then ten. He wasn't coming but I'd already missed too much to bother going to class now. I got up to go study in the library when suddenly he walked around the corner. He groaned and mumbled a, "I should've known."
"Wait! Jake please..." I yelled slightly too loudly then I decided to whisper. Okay so this wasn't going to plan.
"Why should I?" He shot back in a flat tone.
"Because, Jake please...I can't fix my mistakes unless I know what I've done wrong." I tried to reason, I just wanted to fix us why couldn't he understand that?
"Shut up! You've done nothing wrong! I just...I'm just. Fuck, I don't know. Never mind." He shook his head angrily and looked at the wall beside him.
"No, Jake please. Just tell me," I pleaded desperately.
"I can't." He replied angrily, but slowly like he was trying to control himself.
"What're you talking about? You can tell me everything, you know that." I looked at him with fear plain on my face, my anger had faded into worry and fear.
"No...I-I can't." He stuttered, his frown deepening the more he spoke.
"Yes, you can." I reassured.
"I can't!" He yelled, running a hand through his hair.
"You mean you won't..." I trailed off in defeat. I thought that this was going to be the end of it. The end of the conversation and us but Jake kept speaking.
"Why the hell do you care so much anyway?" He asked frustratedly.
"What? Well...because I'm your best friend." I shook my head and frowned, why else?
"Whatever." He turned and almost started walking away.
"Jake, just tell me." I pleaded again.
"Fucking hell Chit, I can't!" Jake turned and yelled. As he did his eyes started watering.
"Why not?" I asked cautiously now.
"Because!" He yelled stubbornly.
"Because why?" I would go all day if that's what it took.
"Because I don't want to lose you for fucks sake." He sighed.
"Why the hell would you lose me? If anything it'll be this that destroys our friendship. This stupid keeping things from one another." I waved my arms around frantically, as if I'd lost control of them as well.
"No..." Jake's expression became one of pure fear as his bottom lip quivered.
"So Jake, please just tell me because I don't want to lose you either." I looked up at him and swallowed.
"You don't want to know...you really don't..." The tears he'd held in until now spilled out and ran down his face. Now, nobody has a pretty cry face, not even attractive people and Jake, had one of the ugliest ones I'd ever seen. He was a blubbering mess, so I walked over and wrapped an arm his shoulder and squeezed.
"Of course I do." I reassured.
"You don't! You're going to hate me and I-I-I I couldn't handle that!" He threw his arm back and spun out of my grasp.
"Just tell me!" I was sick of this, he was going to tell me and we were going to get better.
"Fine! It's all your fault, you idiot! How the hell could I not? I tried so hard, honestly. I tried avoiding you and cutting you out and ignoring you and...I tried everything to stop it buthow could I stop mid-fall? It's all your fault! I hate it! I hate that I'm disappointing my mum and I hate becoming exactly what my father said I would but how could I help it? I don't have any control over this sort of thing god damn it! I don't choose who I love! I wish I could! Then he wouldn't have left and mum wouldn't hate me and she wouldn't hate you and everyone would just be happy. But I can't. I can't and I hate it. I hate it...so much. I want it to stop, make it stop...please...make it stop." Jake was blubbering emotional mess and I just stood there with a stupid expression on my face, trying to process everything I'd just heard. Jake punched a locker and his knuckles started to bleed but it seemed to have calmed him down.
"Wha-what are you saying Jake?" I stuttered stupidly.
"I'm fucking saying that I love you, you idiot." Jake smiled sadly as the realisation hit me. He didn't mean love in a friendship way, he meant love in that way. I couldnt bring myself to say words or form sentences so I just stood there with my mouth hanging wide open. The bell must have gone because there are hordes of people spewing from doors and the moment to say anything is lost. Jake gives me one last sad smile before slipping in between people and disappearing from sight. And I'm still standing here in shock.

I don't think I moved at all for recess until a tenth grade ran into me and knocked me flat on my ass, someone in red converses trips over me and almost falls.
"Chit? Oh my god, where have you been?" Oh, it was Levy.
"Hey..." It was all I managed to mumble but it was something, something I could have used ten minutes ago.
"Chit? Hey did something happen? What's wrong?" She knelt down and tried to help me up but I just laid there.
"N-nothing...I gotta go to class now..." I stood and walked over to my locker and got my things before heading in the direction of my next class, Math. Jake was waiting outside of Math when I got there. His eyes and nose were bright red and he was trying even harder than usual to hide behind his hair. He saw me coming and went to leave, but this time I'd managed to speak.
"Wait!" It was a weak attempt at a yell but it was enough. He stopped and turned around to face me with his defensive walls back up. So this is how everyone else saw him...
"What?" He asked sharply.
I walked over to the classroom door calmly and put my books down next to it before wrapping my arms around Jakes torso and giving him a hug.
"I love you, just not like that. We need to talk about this, but it's okay. I love you no matter what." It was the one thing I could think to say, and I meant it.
"I know, thank you. I love you too." I felt one single tear fall onto my shoulder before he pulled away, wiped his face with his sleeve and smiled brightly at me.