Bullied By Dan Howell

Part 23

(From Cliffhanger) !!!TRIGGER WARNING IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED PLEASE SKIP THIS CHAPTER!!!

"Don't tell Phil" he said taking off his jacket. "Dan.." I said becoming tense. "Just sit down" he said his voice sounded tired and stern. He wasn't acting like himself. He then took off his shirt making me more tense. I saw lines of red cuts lined his chest and stomach and arms. He sat down next to me. "Please, just don't tell Phil" he sighed. "I feel awful. I don't want Phil to know so I can't be a good boyfriend" he said tears forming in his eyes. He tried to blink them back, it didn't work. "Dan." I said tears forming in my eyes as well. "What happened?" I asked. "I don't even know. One second I'm happy, the next I want to die" he admitted. "Come with me" I said taking his hand to the bathroom. "You should wash your cuts. I'll leave so you can wash up, if you'd like" I said putting my hand on the door knob. "You can stay, I need someone so I don't do it again" he said taking my hand. (You're welcome Demma shippers) I nodded. I grabbed a cloth and put some water on it and the soap I used to clean mine. "This may sting a bit" I said putting he cloth to his bare stomach. He slightly winced. I looked up at him. he gave me a nod and I continued. Then I did his arms and wrists. "Anywhere else?" I asked quietly. He saw my blade on my bathroom sink, I forgot to put it away. "Emma.." he whispered. "Why?" he asked. "Stress and the same reason as you" I said blinking back tears. "My legs" he sighed. Well this is awkward. I thought to myself. "Upper or lower?" I asked. "Upper" he whispered. I nodded. "Should I or you?" I asked. "Would you fell okay doing it?" he asked. I nodded. He undressed leaving himself in just his boxers. "This hurts the worst to be honest" I said. He nodded. I started cleaning his cuts. He clenched his jaw and stayed strong. "I'll bandage you up. Stay here be safe, please don't cut" I said cracking the door and walking out. 

"What are you doing?" Marcus asked his arms were folded. "Oh nothing Dan needed something" I lied. I hated lying, especially to him. He nodded like he didn't believe me and went back down to the kitchen. I went to my room and got the bandages. I noticed Marcus tended to Taylor. I also got some cooling medicine so he doesn't burn after I bandage him. I then walk to the washroom and see Dan sitting in the same spot except the blade wasn't on the sink. "I couldn't help it.." he said. I dropped everything and grabbed a cloth. I applied pressure to the cut and stopped the bleeding. "It's okay" I said as I pulled the cloth away and cleaned that cut. "How are you so good at this?" he asked. "I've been doing it for 7 years" I sighed. "Since you were 10?" he asked. I nodded. I then bandaged him and applied the medicine. "Just get dressed and you're good to go" I smiled. "Thanks" he said and kissed my cheek. "Anytime Dan" I said. We both wet our hair so it wouldn't seem weird if we just walked out of the washroom together and someone saw. But we didn't think of it seeming like we showered together. We both walked down to the kitchen and Dan's hair was back and pressed out of his face. 

"Umm" Marcus said motioning at our hair. "uhh" Dan and I said simultaneously. "Explain" Marcus said. "Why should I you're not my father" I said trying to make it sound like a joke but it came out more like I was mad. He had a surprised look. "Marcus, look-" I started but he cut me off. "Save it" he sighed and sat down. "Look I was trying to get a bottle of hair oil cause Dan wanted to look good for Phil. It spilled on us because it's in the top cupboard" I lied again. "Sorry I over reacted" he said pulling me into a hug. "I love you" I said. "Love you to baby" he said pulling away. I looked over at Dan, him and Phil were talking. 

*The next day*

I woke up and Marcus was gone. He was probably in town of something. The thing that worried me was that I heard Dan downstairs and it was 9 AM. I quickly walked downstairs and saw him writing. I was confused until he jumped and put what he was writing in his pocket when he saw me. "Dan.." I said. "Y-Yeah" he stuttered. "Wrists, now" I said with a small sigh. He rolled up his sleeve to reveal 4 very deep cuts on each arm. I motioned to his pocket. I read his writing. It was a suicide note. 

Dear Friends and Family, 

                                                 I know this is a shock to all of you except Emma. I just couldn't take it anymore. Living in constant fear of hurting people, is really hard. I want to write this for each and everyone of the people I love. Mum, Dad, Ade; I love you guys so much. thank you for being there for me. Only you Ade, knew about my depression. All three of you helped me or at lest tried. You all wanted the best for me and wanted me to be happy. Phil; Oh Phil, where do I start? I love you more than anyone I've ever known. You are and amazing boyfriend, even though I'm gone I'll always love you. Please don't beat yourself up over my death. It's not even close to your fault; it's mine.If it wasn't for you I would have been in the grave a long time ago. I love you so much, never forget that. You were always there when I needed you. I'm so sorry for doing this, but I feel as if it's my time. I will look after you in my afterlife wherever I may end up. You are amazing and I love you. Emma; you helped me so much. I'm eternally sorry for doing all those awful things to you throughout the years. I kissed you that day not only to prove I didn't want to bully you; but to show you I love you. I did since the first day.  I can't thank you enough for helping me with my cuts and for making me feel like I was important. I tried to stay strong for you but for some reason I gave up. I hope you have an amazing life and I know you'll be an amazing mum. 

I love all of you so much and thank you for everything. 

                                                                                                - Daniel James Howell 

                                                                                             (Dan, Danny, Danny boy, Danyul)