Alaska

Chapter Thirty-Five

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

He was standing a gravestone away with a lit cigarette stuck in between his lip-ringed lips.  His black hair was long and sultry as ever as he rocked his white band vest and black skinny jeans.

"Y-you did it as well if I can recall," Lexi's voice was small and nothing like her own.

A familiar half-smile appeared at his lips which was impossible not to stare at.  His blue eyes gazed Lexi up and down for a second and then he started forward whilst taking a drag from his cigarette.  He blew the grey smoke out in a ringed circle and dabbed at the ash so that it fell down into the fresh grass.

Lexi bit her lip, feeling her cheeks flush.  She was suddenly overwhelmed with shyness and she had no words for him.  It was the first time seeing him in over a month and the awkwardness was almost unbearable.

Suddenly however, a thought started in her mind and it was impossible not to blurt out.

"I thought you stopped smoking," she said.

He grinned, cutely and stuck the cigarette back in his mouth again.

"Old habits always have a way of coming back," he muttered, his eyes glued to Lexi's.  For some reason it seemed like he wasn't talking about cigarettes.

She shivered, despite the warm weather and turned back to the grave.  Keeping her eyes on him only made her heart beat erratically.

"So, how are you?" He continued.  She felt him walk further towards her.

"Um, fine.  Just focusing on getting back to Pennsylvania in July.  What about you?  I heard you got in trouble with the law," she replied, trying to keep her voice steady and casual.

"Uh, yeah.  I had my court case decider yesterday.  I got sixty hours of community service," he mumbled, shrewdly.  "Back to you, though.  You're going back?"

Lexi closed her eyes feeling her cheeks burning up, again.  She didn't want him seeing her like this.

"Yeah, beginning of July after my course is over- there's nothing left for me here," she added the last part and her insides clenched.

There was a pause and Lexi heard him exhale his cigarette smoke.  It was a tense few seconds and she wondered whether he even cared that she was leaving Ohio.  Had he gotten over her?  Moved on?

"That tree," he broke the silence and the hairs stood up on the back of Lexi's neck.  "I needed to do it.  It had too many memories that needed to be broken.  Too many memories of her."

Lexi bit her lip, scrutinizing the carving inside Alaska's gravestone.

"You love her, Ash.  You always have.  It's okay to say it," Lexi said, softly.

"I did.  I did love her.  Until one night, about a month ago I figured that my love was for someone else.  Someone else had caught my eye, just like she had...  You."

Lexi's breathing rattled and she pursed her lips, feeling tears threatening to fall.  She knew his words would win her back, no matter what.  Part of her didn't want to hear them, but another part desired them.  Had been desiring them for weeks...

"You're j-just saying that b-because you w-want to try and get over h-her," Lexi stuttered.

"No," he was close now.  So close that she could smell the cigarettes on him and the dizzying scent of his cologne.  His breathing was rustling her hair and she felt chills run down her spine again.

"I had long been over Alaska, Lex.  I didn't even know it.  And when you told me how you felt that day at the funeral, it just made me realize it even more, but I couldn't say it.  I don't know why.  I love you so much it's unbearable, Alexia.  You are more than Alaska ever was.  Sure, she taught me how to love someone, but you have taught me how to get over her when nobody else in the whole entire world could do that.  Your presence...  Your being with just changed me for the better.  I stopped with the vandalizing, with the stealing, with the smoking, all because of you.  You changed me, Alexia.  You taught me how to love again.  And it's you.  It's always been you, don't you get it?  That day you heard me speaking over here at Alaska's grave, it was me reciting words I was gonna say to you.  I wasn't talking to Alaska.  It was just me figuring it out.  Figuring out how much I love you."