Drag Me Down (h.s.) EDITING

Change

After talking well in to the night Louis and I finally parted ways. Well, we went in to our separate rooms. My room was literally right down the hall from him. I usually avoid getting a room on their floor but apparently it had been covered before I arrived. I was still thinking about how complicated things were becoming as I pulled out my night clothes. The boys meant so much to me. Their friendship has changed me.

I didn't have much growing up. My mother was a single parent almost my entire childhood. We lived in a small house in a rural area. It wasn't the best house but it was ours. My mother did everything in her power to allow me to get the education I needed. She worked over time to make sure I never needed a single thing. When I was a teenager she remarried and things were more comfortable. My step father's a great man. He provided absolutely everything even against my mother's protests of them dividing things equally. Growing up though, it had always just been me and her. I had a couple best friends but at the end of the day I depended on my mother for everything. She was and still is the constant in my life. She worried I needed to go out more and expand my horizons. Honestly, there wasn't much expanding I wanted to do. I was comfortable with my small group.

Then, I met Cat. She was bubbly and ecstatic and everything I lacked.  I was too anxious to step outside of my box often. I loved to do new things but my nerves literally got the best of me half the time. Cat made me try tons of new things. We went new places all the time and she made me step outside of my box. I loved her so much for it. She helped me grow as a person. She's also how I ended up here. I met the boys through her. It was terrible at first, I was mortified. I fainted right in front of them when Harry winked at me. He was so nice and I literally passed out on him. After that they said they had to know me. They thought it was the funniest thing in the world. At the time they had girls falling all over themselves for them but apparently not one of them had fainted. I left quite the impression.

They invited us to come to their hotel after the concert to hang out and I tried my best to get out of it. I had a once in a life opportunity to hang out with them and all I could think about was fainting again. Cat convinced me to go anyway. I wanted to die right on the spot. I was more than embarrassed. I avoided Harry the entire night. I ended up  talking to Louis. He teased me about my fainting spell but I didn't feel intimidated or worried. He was so nice about the entire thing that I didn't even really dwell on it like I had been. Louis was extremely funny and sassy. We hung out the entire night that night. That's when my friendship with the boys started.

Louis and I became like best friends. One by one the rest of the boys seemed to follow. I have come to care deeply about each and every one of them. They're each amazing people. Within the last few months the lines between friendship and wanting more began to blur. Harry and Niall began to take an interest in me around the same time and I didn't have a clue what to do about it. Just being friends with the boys has put me in the spotlight under a microscope of scrutiny. The boys are soaring to the top of their careers as artists. The attention they are getting now is unbelievable. If I were to even think about trying to navigate a type of relationship with either of them it would be splashed across a tabloid the next morning.

I wouldn't change a thing about meeting them but maybe I would have decided against coming on the tour.

Cat was supposed to be here. It was going to be me and her against the world. We would do our own thing by day and support the guys by night. Our plans crashed and burned when she got her semester grades. She was put on academic probation. Cat was going to flunk if she didn't get her shit together. So, she stayed behind. I didn't want to come without her. I was terrified of being on the road without my best friend. The boys were great but they certainly weren't Cat.

I sighed heavily as my thoughts continued to whirl around frantically inside my head. It hadn't even been a full week since the tour started. The last few days felt like a lifetime. It seems like the tour has intensified everything. It's so much fun but it's still stressful. That is why not allowing the lines to keep blurring is so important. I would have to talk to Niall. Things would have to go back to the way they were. I would also have to apologize to Harry and make things right with him. My talk with Louis tonight helped me straighten a few things in my head. 

I picked up my phone and stared at the lockscreen. I couldn't help but smile. It was a selfie I had taken with all the boys. We had all been piled into a van to go somewhere. I honestly can't even remember. It took a lot of maneuvering to get the picture. Our driver had been extremely unhappy. Especially when Louis climbed over his seat to get to me. I laughed thinking about it. He had fallen right down in to the floor of the van. He literally sat in my lap and pulled the guys into a massive group hug for me to snap the picture. I would probably remember that for the rest of my life. At the time we all had not one single worry in the world.

They came in to my life by pure accident. Being friends with them, a part of their lives, has given me family. A caring, fun loving, goofy family.

I closed my eyes and replayed my best memories with them over the last two years. I drifted off to sleep with a smile on my face.