A Constellation of Thoughts

The Girl

i was in seventh grade...

i saw a girl with glasses and short hair. 

we were in the first trimester and progress reports were coming out in a week, 

she asked me if i needed help getting my grades up, because i was failing the class we were in together.  

She gave me her number, so we could talk and i remember... Her voice, it was amazing. 

But she had a smile, what a smile. Until it was 3 A.M and i said i was depressed for the first time. 

She understood and i wanted to know why.

She understood because she was depressed too. She had anxiety and insomnia like me. 

she was 12 years old and had a list of pills to take everyday.

she told me that i was beautiful, and that she loved me, but in a way that made me smile, 

considering both of us were straight. 

she became my best friend and we only had one another, i really should have treated her better. 

It was my last week of grade 8, When a kid who could still go home and not take care of his brother with severe anxiety and adhd, told me to kill myself. 

In which i attempted. 

And failed, but you know what? 

She was there for me. 

I miss her.