A Constellation of Thoughts

eulogy for a drug overdose witness

you left, and how could you? 

how could you ever leave us and left me sitting here, eleven years later still wanting you back. 

i get a whiff of cigarettes and weed, and you told momma later on in the week that you'd stop. 

but you never did, and we were left hoping you'd get to see me grow, like damn if you saw me now, scars and all you'd tell me i looked just like you. not physically more mentally, and if you really cared for us where you at now, huh? how could you do this? they were more important than momma and i, yeah? 

the last memory i have of you, is seeing you in that chair. all drowsy and drool on your chin, how could you do that? 

maybe you wanted it but you didn't ask us. 

and maybe that's selfish but i don't care anymore and how could you do this? 

i don't miss you anymore because how can you miss something you never had?