In The Fastlane

Chapter 49

Chapter 49

*Sydney's P.O.V*

Thoughts of utter terror and strikes of pain shot through my mind as I trudged through the muddy and marshy ground. I would keep my footing on the side walk but my brain just wasn't wired to keep anything straight. I tried everything and anything to hide and run away from what had just happened. As sick and debilitated as it sounded I never wanted to face him again. All the words that slipped from my mouth minutes ago weren't me. They weren't the same girl that had cuddled with him that morning. They weren't the girl that knew she was falling for him. The girl who knew her feelings were being avoided.

I wasn't that girl anymore.

I was a screwed over girl who was trudging through pouring rain, no clue where she was going. I wasn't crying anymore. There really wasn't anything left. All that came out where loud whaling sounds. I swore some one was going to call animal control any minute. My feet were stinging underneath my worn out VANS. I didn't dare to look back but I had gaven up on the whole running thing. Had I expected him to run after me?

Of course not, all boys are the same. He wanted to have someone that he could have sex with. Abbey was right. I know it.

I was clearly delirious, I was basically admitting defeat. If he REALLY loved me he would have ran after me. He would have. But my mind kept going back and forth to reality of this is not some glorious story or movie where the boy will come running after you and love you forever.

This is reality. Cold, harsh, and upsetting reality. It was like a shock to the face as my feet stumbled underneath my own weight. My body was entirely drenched, I clenched onto the little bag I had stuffed not all, but some of my belongings. I didn't know what to do. Who to call.

I couldn't just sit in this rain for hours, I would definitely get sick.  

I crammed my face into my knee's sobbing now. I guess more tears were able to come. My mascara was smeared nearly everywhere and my lips were chapped from biting at them. My ears felt like they were going to explode as I remembered Niall's words.

'Promise me. That's all I want. Just promise that you'll never forget me. Tell me I changed you somehow. Let me know that I had an impact on your life. Promise me that you'll always remember me. Losing you is hard enough, but I don't want to go on knowing I mean absolutely nothing to you.'

I pulled at the strands of my hair and raked my fingers through the spots where hair was violently removed. I had never experienced something so harsh, nothing to the extent I felt like disappearing would be a better option. I knew this wasn't the end for me but I was just so damn confused. I wanted to be in his arms and hug him telling him everything would be okay once again. I couldn't lie to him, myself, or any one else anymore. There was no love between us. Everything was just a game. Even if my mind failed to recognize it we earned pure lust and confidence through our banter and affectionate motions towards each other. I hated to think about it. I tried to clear my mind by breathing evenly and focusing on the stop sign next to me.

It worked for a few moments before I felt the buzzing sensation of my cell phone in my pocket. I swore to myself if it was Niall I would scream and throw it into the road leaving it in shards.

I wiped off a few water droplets from the screen and squinted my eyes to read the small print.

Just an instagram notification.

I focused on the background of my phone, a few more tears escaping down the apple of my cheeks as I stupidly smile at Niall kissing my cheek. How could I ever think he was going to make me happy? How could I ever tell him so much. How could I let him carve my heart out in ways no one else has ever done. My heart panged against my chest making me cringe. Goosebumps were forming on my bare arms, my hair was still pinned up in a tight bun from earlier. It was hard to imagine myself happily shoving things into my grocery cart, ready to make dinner with him. Ready to have a nice evening where we would banter about random things and kiss, and talk about things I never even told Amanda.