Poems 2011(:

Angel of Mine

Here you come, flying full speed, trying to catch up. There I go running, stumbling, from the monsters attacking me. Monsters beating me. Your here to catch me, your here to save me. I've fallen. You descend beside me and pull me close. I'm shaking, breathing deeply and very fast. You hold me tighter. "It's okay, your guardian angel is here." You rub my back, trying to calm me. "I's okay, I'm here now. Shhhh, baby, you're okay." My broken and bleeding wings lie still. I try to keep still for it hurts to move. Pain shoots with each stoke of your hand. You gently stroke my hair as the monster's approach. I scream weakly, fading slowly. You kiss my head and gently lay me on the ground. I can't move. You stand up and gently back up so the heels of your feet are just barely touching my chest; just enough to feel it weakly rise and fall. The wind gracefully brushes through your soft white feathers. They approach, red eyed. I close my eyes, too weak to hold them open any longer. I hear screaming, fighting, bones shattering. Slowly fading, I feel your heals leave my side and wind rushing. I open my mouth to scream but darkness's dark, cold hands grab me and pull me further down then I've ever gone. I can still hear voices, one voice calling out to me. I feel pain, sharp, stabbing pain. I feel blood, warm, fresh blood leaving my body. I hear a shriek, my own voice ringing out, piercing the black sky. I feel hands, picking me up. I feel wind, flying fast against my body and I go up, not it your arms, in the arms of the monsters. I feel struggle, fighting. I feel air, I'm falling fast. Screaming, falling, crashing. I hit ground hard, pain flooding every inch it hasn't touched, drowning what it has. The dark's grip becoming harder, submerging me deeper. Tears stream down my face. "Baby," I call out, holding a bloody, shaking hand out, hoping to at least feel the comfort of you there. I feel nothing. I use what's left of my strength and will to survive to open my eyes. I see you, your body beaten and bloody, you’re still fighting. You look at me; a tear falls to your cheek. You back up just a little bit so I can feel you against me. I let my hand fall to the ground and let my eyes close as I wait to die. I feel warm gentle hands lift me from the dirt. "Baby, answer me please," you say. "Answer me in anyway." I moan in response. You lay my head on your chest. "Okay baby, just relax, everything's going to be okay." A warm tear falls onto my skin. "Just stay with me okay. We're going home. Everything's going to be okay." I listen to your heart beat in your chest as you take off, moon light guiding the way above the tree tops. My breathing isn't right, my heart is racing. My body is hurting and bleeding. "Baby you still with me?" you ask, holding me tighter. I moan weakly, answering you. "Okay baby we're almost home. Everything's going to be okay." Everything hurts. Everything's broken. Everything's bleeding. I moan again. "It’s okay, baby, it's okay, I'm right here." You rub my back, letting me know. I gasp for air. I can't breathe. I cry out to you. "I know baby I know, we're almost home, you'll be taken care of soon," you say. To the house we went, finally getting there. You call for a doctor and lay me down on our bed. I moan with pain. "I'm sorry baby, the doctors are here, and you’re going to be okay." You let your fingers slip from mine and you slowly start to back away. A mask is put over my face, needles put onto veins, arms holding me down, tubes put down my throat, air being forced into my lugs. I look up at you and reach a shaky hand out to you. People invade my way, I can't see you. I'm being moved. Pain rips through my body as I'm l lifted and set back down. I moan. Tears fall to my cheeks. I call for you, all choked up. "I'm here baby I'm here," I hear you say. I don't feel you, I don't see you. More needles forced into my body, shirt ripped off. Paper thrown over me, I feel your hand find mine. Wrists strapped down, Anastasia required. Pain comes fierce as they cut my chest open. Shrieks escape as drowsiness comes. You rub my hand. "It's just a chest tube baby to keep the blood out of your chest," you say. Fading slowly, moaning in pain. Sleeping in black, feeling the pain. Awaking in light, crying in pain. Drowning in pain. Simple things made impossible. Breathing to hard. No remembering how to breathe. Gasping for air. "Baby, baby, baby. Relax. Breathe. Come one baby breathe." You scream for someone, anyone. Skin turning blue, air being cut off, lungs failing me. Brain failing me, running full speed. Skull pounding, body aching. Tubes back down my throat, little bag pumping air through it to me. Pain everywhere. Memories of the monsters lurking. Memories of the beating, fighting. Running, screaming, breathing fast. Freezing air, broken skin, hitting the ground with a hard blast. Angel of mine, I need you. Sleep, deep, deep sleep. I awake, hurting, I moan. I take off the mask and shoot up. I don't know where I am. Your strong arms pull me back down. "Baby, it’s okay, it's okay. Your angel is here to stay." You gently put the mask back on and lay my head on your chest. I relax and close my eyes. My body aches. It's only been a few hours. I close my eyes and try to remember what has happened, try to find my brain. It's running full speed, denying any oxygen, denying my requests, blocking me out. I feel like I'm floating in a sea of black. Who am I? Where am I? What happened? Who is he? Where is this pain coming from? Hopeless in trying, I decide to float and let my brain calm down and unlock itself. I feel my body swaying and wondering if I'm standing. I open my eyes and see you; I'm lying on your chest with you rocking and singing. I close my eyes again suddenly exhausted. I tumble into a sea of navy blue and fly around. Body airless. Sleep. Sleep takes me over and pulls me down into the purple and secures me tight.

. . .

One more hour goes by, again and again until its night fall. I haven't awakened yet. You’re sitting beside my bed, rubbing my hand, praying to someone you don't believe in. you stand up and stretch your legs. You lean over and kiss my head. You walk over to the window and look into the night sky, looking for a cop car to come and tell you who did this to me. You look back at me and hold your head low. You look outside again and lay your head on the window. You take a deep breath and you walk over to me, you brush my hair back and you kiss my forehead. You sit back down and you start crying. Hours and hours pass by with me not awakening.

. . .

Still tumbling and floating through all shades of blue, my brains slowing down, I am too. Floating up, up, jump back to the darkness, back to the light. Awakening, pain rushing back. I moan and I try to move. "No baby" you say and jump up and hold me down. I don't fight back, too weak to fight back. I open my eyes as you sit back down. "What happened baby?" Little memories coming back, I know who you are. But what happened? Where am I? You hold my hand. "I'll tell you later baby, you need to rest, okay baby, I'm right here. I promise you baby." You climb into my bed. You lay me on you and you hold me close. "Just sleep baby, you need to rest," you say and you run your fingers through my hair. "Baby I don't want to sleep. I want to get up and move. "Where am I anyways?" I ask and look up at you. "You’re in the hospital baby." You say and hold me closer. Another piece to the puzzle, I guess that's why I’m in so much pain. Fear shudders down my body. Am I going to die, am I going to leave you here all by yourself with the kids? Am I going to ever see them again? Are my kids going to have to grow up without a mom? panic lays on my like a thick wire blanket. "Baby am I going to die?" I say and start to shake. "No baby now relax baby just relax," you say shushing me, rocking me. Relaxing I take a deep breath, stomach growling. "I'm hungry baby," I say and you laugh a little. "I'm sorry baby, you can't eat yet," you say and rock me. I relax and cuddle in your arms. "Why not baby?" I ask and look at you seriously. "You have to go into surgery in an hour and you’re not allowed to eat yet baby." He says holding me closer. Panic sets on my again, blanket thicker and sharper. "Surgery?! For what, what happened baby, why do I have to go into surgery?" Fear hits me like a truck. I start shaking and crying again. "Baby relax, calm down, it's okay, it'll be okay." You say trying to calm me. My heart starts racing. “You just have a few internal injuries baby, they're going to go in and fix them." You hold me closer. "Baby I'm scarred" I say ad hide in the comfort of your chest. "I know baby I know but I'll be right here promise you. I'll be holding your hand the whole time I promise," you say gently rubbing my back. Still shaking I calm down a little bit. "Sleep baby, you need to rest," you say and sing to me. “No baby, I don't want to." I say to you. "Can I even get some water?" I ask. "No baby, I'm sorry." You say. I sigh and lay back. An hour passes by and two nurses come and take me out of the room. You follow holding my hand. I don't take my eyes off you. I fall into a deep sleep. Tumbling through navy blue again. Falling into blacks, rolling into grays, summer salting into whites, finally awake. I look at you, still super exhausted, blinking a few times. "Baby?" I sit up and tense, pain shoots around my stomach, I lay back down. "I'm right here baby," you say and rub my hand. "You got to lay down okay baby; we get to go home soon. Are you tired baby?" You ask me. "Hurting?" “Yeah both." I say and close my eyes. "Okay, I'll have them give you some more pain medicine before we leave." You say and kiss my head. "What happened?" I ask. "You got robbed and beat half to death. You had bleeding in your abdomen and they went in and fixed it. That's why your stomach hurts. The cops caught them, they’re in jail now." You say. I breathe deeply "am I okay?" I ask. "Yes, were going home one the nurse gets back in here okay baby," you say and kiss my head. I close my eyes and try to relax. You stand over me and brush my hair back. "Everything’s going to be okay baby I promise." You kiss my lips and hold my hand.

-10/28/11-