Poems 2011(:

Why?

I look at you, exhaustion covers your face; your eyes are barely open, your head is sagging. Your 5th cup of coffee sits in your hand, you haven't left my side. I take a deep breath and look over at you again, you still haven't moved. I slowly roll onto my back, the pain shuddering through my body. I close my eyes and put my hands on top of my head. The room starts spinning, faster and faster. I hear a knock at the door before I start to fade. You move slightly and say "come in." The room spins faster and faster. Everything goes black. The doctor walks in "I can see you haven't left yet," he says and smiles. "How are you?" you ask tiredly. "Good, you?” he asks and shakes your hand. "Tired," you say. "Yeah, well do you want the good news or the bad news first?" he asks and looks at you. "Good," you say and try to rub the sleep out of your eyes. "She will live," the doctor says. You relax and take a deep breath, "oh thank god," you say. "But she's paralyzed from the waist down," the doctor says and walks out of the door. You sit back and cry. I wake up and all I can see is darkness. I close my eyes and open them again. I still can't see anything. I call for you, over and over again. I feel you touch my hand. "I'm right her," you whisper. I can feel your breath on my neck. I close my eyes again. "Are you okay?" you ask worriedly. "I'm fine," I say, "what happened?" "You were hit by a car," you say to me, "we were fighting and I hung up on you and I guess you weren't paying attention.” I close my eyes, the memories flooding my mind. "Do you really mean it?" I ask breathlessly, I can feel my heart crack. "No baby, no," you say as you hold me tight. A tear rolls down your cheek. "No baby, I didn't. I'm so sorry," you say. My eyes start to water and I try to take a deep breath but it comes out all shaky. I don't know if I can believe you. "What about the other stuff?" I ask as my voice cracks, "Is it all true?" There's a long silence, one only broken by the sound of my heart breaking as you nod your head yes. Tears soak my cheeks as I push you away. "Why? Why'd you do it? Am I not good enough? Do you need more?" I shriek. My heart drops and beats faster and faster. I can't breathe. Tears spill out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks. "Why?" I whisper as I try to breathe. Pain fills your eyes, tears soak your cheeks, you can't say anything, and you just stand there. I turn away from you and cry into my pillow. I can't bear to look at you. Nausea overwhelms me. I can't breathe. "I'm sorry," you say and grab my arm. "Get off," I say, "I'm hurt can't you tell?" I try to calm down but I can't. This came at me all too fast. You back away from me and sit in to chair. You hold your head in your hands and you weep. I try to relax but cry myself to sleep. Only one question is on my mind; why? I don't wake up in the morning. You freak out. The doctor says things are getting worse. They're going to move me to the ICU. You follow me up. The doctor pulls you out of the room while the nurses get out a bunch of tubes and wires. Your heart sinks. The doctor leads you up to a room. He tells you about my injuries. Then he brings the worst news, I might not make it through the night. Fear and anger hit you hard, worry floods your eyes, tears roll down your cheeks. You get up out of your chair and run to the door. You stumble into the hall way. You take a few steps and collapse against the wall. "Why? Why her?" you scream. Your voice is cracked, you can't move. "Why here?" You mumble through your sobs. "Why her?" A nurse helps you back to my room. You stumble up to me. You hug me and hold me tight. "I'm sorry," You whisper over and over in my ear. You put the side rail of my bed down and lay beside me. I slowly start to open my eyes. I blink a couple of times as my eyes adjust to the light. "Baby?" I say weakly. "I'm here, I'm here," you say and hold me tight. The question still burns in the back of my mind. Why? I don't ask, I don't want to hear it again. I close my eyes. Pain leaks through my body. I take a deep breath. "You tired baby?" you ask me worriedly. "Yes," I say weakly. "Then sleep baby," you say and lay my head on your chest. You run a shaky hand through my hair. "I'll try," I say. You kiss my head and slowly rub my back. I fall into a deep sleep. The nurses come in and out, each time with a different drug. I won't wake up. Night and day you’re by my side. You won't leave. You won't sleep. You won't eat. The question still burns through my mind. Why? I guess I sleep peacefully. You try to wake me. I won't wake. You’re terrified. Tears soak your cheeks. You scream for a nurse. They ask you to go in the hall. People run in and out of my room. You lean up against the room. You lean up against the wall and put your hands on your head. "Not her," you say over and over between sobs. "Not her," you slowly slide down the wall. You pray really hard. Everyone comes out of my room. You prepare for the worst but you hear "she's fine; you can go back in now." You let the air out that you didn't even realize you were holding in. You get up and walk back into my room. You see that I'm awake and you smile. "Baby?" I call. You walk up to me. "I'm right here, I'm right here," you say. You hold my hand through everything, you don't let go. You still hold my hand. The question is still on my mind. Why?

-8/8/11-