help me //phan

-_21_-

Dan's POV

My heart broke, fragment by fragment. Piece by piece. I couldn't stand myself. I did this. I did this.

I have been pacing in the the A&E waiting room for about 3 days, no sleep. I feel like that girl on nightmare on elm street. Every time i got drowsy i took 'Wake up' pills and chugged down some black coffee. You never know when he is going to wake up.

Dried tears still lay dormant on my slightly tanned cheeks. My face holding an expression that a widow whose husband had gotten murdered would have. I could not shake myself out of this, this, depression. I blamed myself for everything.

Memory's shook up in head, of seeing him, hanging there. I had screamed and cut him down, trying to breathe into his, seemingly lifeless body, whilst calling 999.

Tears. So. Many. Tears.

I sit down, biting my lip whist pulling my sleeves over my hands, that were red, swollen, and bleeding from hitting the once white, now slightly red, tile in the bathrooms. A woman that worked at the small starbucks, had come to talk to me. God this feels like an intervention. My broken eyes meet her painstakingly green ones, and her's are full of concern. I bet that's what my eyes always looked like to Phil. My mind wormed off topic of the girl sitting in front of me, until her had came onto my leg. I hit her hand off me and stormed off to the bathroom, where i washed my face with cold, hard, tap water. I take my face out from under the small faucet and shake my head.

I proceeded to look at myself. My hair was curling, which is okay because i'm sure Phil will love it when he wakes up. My lips chapped and peeling, and my eyes, full of heartbreak with dark charcoal-like smudges underneath. My face was over all pale, and sickly. The more i stared at myself the more tears fell. I started flat out bawling, and leaned against a wall, falling to the ground. Just.

Sobbing.

I can't handle this. How, just how, could i let him do this to himself.

How?