Bite Me.

30.

Mikasa knocked hard on the door, waiting impatiently until Carla opened it. She looked exhausted, frankly, and she was bouncing a whining baby on her hip. Of course, she was a child carer outside of being a cleaner and caring for an elderly man in the flat above.
'Mikasa,' she gave a tired smile. 'Come in.'
She walked through the door and sat down on the ratty sofa, crossing her legs and folding her arms.
'You wanted to talk to me?'
Carla sat down opposite her and set the baby down on the floor with a chewed on teething ring.
'I'm worried about Eren,' she confused. 'I know I've already asked you about all this but...'
'I am too. Something weird is going on. So what's he doing that's making you anxious?'
'He's just so listless all the time. Rarely speaks. Ever since he came back from Levi's, really.'
'What, that long?'
'It was only two days ago. So maybe I'm being stupid and paranoid.'
'What do you mean? The party was two weeks ago!'
'The party? Oh god, he didn't tell you. Forget I said anything.'
'You know, if he's lying to me there's something really serious going on. When did he stay at Levi's?'
'A few days after the party, and most of last week. Jeez, I can't believe he's lying to you about it... Didn't Armin tell you?'
'Oh, so you mean Armin knows too?'
'He did pick him up from Levi's. But look, there's a larger matter at hand. I think Eren might be depressed.'
'Yeah, me too. Glad to hear I'm not going crazy.'
'It's just so hard,' Carla sniffed, trying her best not to cry. 'To see that somebody you love so much is in a bad place and there's nothing you can do to help them...'
'Carla, we will help him. We'll get to the bottom of whatever's bothering him and in the meantime I'll do loads to cheer him up, okay?'

Eren was confused. For the whole day, everybody had been suspiciously nice to him. Nobody had mentioned the Levi incident, everyone included him in all their conversations... What was going on? That Wednesday afternoon, his form tutor requested for him to stay after registration. At least five people offered to wait outside for him, which he politely declined on the grounds that they were almost strangers.
He slumped in his seat, waiting to be told off for not finishing some homework or flunking an exam. Instead, Ms Lowe apparently wanted to stage an intervention.
'Eren, some people are worried about you,' she sat down on the chair in front, spinning it round to face him. 'That you're not well.'
'I'm fine,' he grumbled, not sure where she was going this or entirely certain he wanted to know.
'You don't seem to be as talkative as usual.'
She had to be joking, right? He was never that talkative.
'I said I'm fine,' he insisted, standing up. 'If I wasn't, I'd say so. Can I go now?'
'Alright. But come and tell me if anything's bothering you, won't you?'
'Yeah,' he was already halfway out the door. Stupid nosy bitch. Why couldn't everybody just leave him alone? He was sick of them all. Fawning around him because they thought he was sad or something dumb like that. He wasn't sad, although he was angry now. But was he happy? His walk slowed down as he pondered this. No, he wasn't. He didn't feel much of anything, really. It scared him to think that he was becoming like Levi. Disliking people being nice to him, refusing help and shutting down emotionally. There was a creepy thought. He had the right to be a little antisocial once in a while. It was normal. Was it normal, though? In all fairness, he had a pretty skewed version of normality by now. He was just stepping out into the fresh air to clear his head when somebody walked right into him. Their head only came up to his shoulder, so he was confused for a moment when he didn't immediately make any eye contact. He didn't have to though, because their identity was revealed through their voice without a moment's notice.
'Look where you're fucking going,' the hard, gravelly voice was one he knew all too well, because he'd been trying to stop himself thinking about it all day. He ducked his head and spun quickly, heading off in the other direction before even meeting Levi's eyes. This was his first time seeing him since he'd threatened to tear his throat out.
'Eren?' He called after him. Shit. There was nowhere he could hide and ignoring him just wasn't going to work.
'Hey, Eren... Wait.'
Was this where he said something horrible and told him not to go near him? He turned around slowly, still not raising his head, and waited for the onslaught. But it didn't come. He looked up, and Levi's expression was grave.
'Look, about yesterday...'
'It's fine,' Eren said quickly. He didn't want to have a conversation. He didn't want to look at Levi and want to kiss him as much as he did right now.
'No, it's not fine,' his eyes flashed like they always did when he was concealing emotion. 'So I'm sorry.'
'Yeah, you keep saying that, but...' Eren rubbed the back of his neck, irritated now. He didn't want to hear apologies that had about as much worth as the change in his pockets. 'I don't think you mean it, do you? So in the future, don't bother. Actually, no. Just don't come near me because it seems that every time you do you try to hurt me in some way. Then, you won't have to try to apologise and I won't have to pretend I care.'
'I know that. I keep on luring you in and hurting like a sick, twisted villain. I need you to believe that I am sorry, though. I'll never... Ive been through school countless times. I won't stay here. You'll never have to see me again. I'll stay away from you. I promise,' he held his hand out, and Eren wasn't sure what he was reaching do until he rested it on his cheek. He felt the skin where the fingers brushed burning up. And he hated himself for wanting to forgive him as badly as he did; he loathed himself for being so weak as to want to hold him in his arms and beg to be allowed to return to his house. But he knew that he felt it and in that moment it was stronger than the fear of being hurt and of endangering his friends and the pain of wanting somebody who could never want him back. He wanted to tell Levi not to stay away, but to just stay. This was the real reason he was so dangerous. Not because he was a bad person, but because he evoked feelings in Eren that made him stop caring about that. Did that make him a bad person? By law of parties? But the worst part was, he didn't believe that Levi was a bad person. He was a confused, damaged and conflicted person who didn't know how to get himself out of his cycle of ruthlessly shoving people away and tempting new ones in.
'I'll take your silence as a confirmation that you want me gone,' Levi smiled sadly. 'See you around. Well, no I won't. Goodbye, Eren.'
He looked so betrayed that Eren couldn't leave it like that. If he was showing weakness like this, something had happened.
'Wait,' he sighed. 'Will you just tell me you're okay?'
Levi frowned at him for a moment, then laughed quietly to himself.
'I'm okay.'
'Is that true?'
'Yes, Eren. I'm fine. Everything's great, apart from the fact that my brother is missing and I'm sure he's been taken by the people who have been torturing him for the past year and look at me, I'm oversharing like a drunk divorcee.'
'Your brother's missing? Is that why you were so angry yesterday?'
'Yes. I should go. I'm subconsciously trying to convince you to come with me somewhere terrible, and that's wrong.'
'I thought I wasn't special,' Eren felt his heart jump. This was what he'd been fantasising about for days.
'Oh, don't be dense. Stay here, or come with me. See if I care.'
He started to walk away, and Eren found himself in quite the predicament. Did he stay, and risk never seeing Levi again, or did he go with him and hedge his bets that maybe there was some feeling deep in there that he could convince him it was safe to feel. Who was he kidding? He'd never be able to refuse. If Levi was right and emotion was weakness, then he was weak. He took one step, then another and another. To hell with it. He'd go to hell, if that was what it took. He was not giving up on Levi just yet. He made it just in time to jump into his car. Just before the door shut, he could see Armin's eyes staring straight at him from across the road. Feeling a slight pang of guilt, he looked away.
'So,' Levi smirked, keeping his eyes locked on the road. 'Let's go get ourselves killed.'