Bite Me.

37.

'Eren, think of the time when you were in the most trouble,' Carla pounced as soon as her son stumbled through the door early Saturday afternoon. 'Then multiply that by ten. Then multiply it by a billion. Then forget that number completely, because it doesn't even come close to how much trouble you are in right now.'
He mumbled something barely coherent about staying at Mikasa's, clutching at his head.
'No,' she folded her arms across her chest and looked him dead in the eye. 'She called me this morning to check you got in okay.'
She grabbed him by the ear and dragged him kicking and squeaking to his bedroom, where she flung him onto his bed. He flumped onto his stomach and lay there for a deflated moment until she rolled him over and sat him up, standing over him and glowering.
'I think it's time we have the talk,' she steeled herself. 'Because I know what you did last night.'
'Noooo,' he groaned, hiding his bright red face in his arms. 'I am not having the safe sex talk with you. No. No way.'
'What? No!' She gave him an odd look, then it dawned on her. 'Oh my god! I was talking about the 'don't get so drunk you don't make it home because you're still a minor' talk. Should we be having the safe sex talk? Is that- oh my god, you did! Because I said I know what you did last night, and you assumed that I was talking about-'
'I got really drunk!' He cried, hoping to steer the conversation away. He wasn't going to tell his mum about his sex life. Not in a million years. And the fact that it was with a guy just made him feel weird. He didn't know what to talk about, because all media coverage did was guys talking to their dads about how often they got laid by girls. Not very helpful if a.) you didn't have a dad and b.) you weren't into girls.
'That talk's coming later. I am so definitely going to tell you off but first we need to talk about what else happened last night. Is she cute? Have you known her long?' Carla gushed, jumping to conclusions like a kangaroo on E.
Eren slid to the floor and crossed his legs, looking down at the floor. This was going to be so awkward.
'Mum,' he gently tapped her ankle. She looked down at him expectantly. 'He is not cute. I've told you that before. Also, you're forgetting the whole gay thing. Because there's that, too.'
Now it was her turn to flop onto the bed. She stretched out across it, hanging her head off the end and looking him in the face, her expression disappointed. Great- he thought she'd accepted him. She'd been so kind when he'd first told her, even interested in Levi. Perhaps now that she'd realised it would involve him actually having a relationship with a guy and all of that she wasn't so supportive.
'You and Levi, huh?' She chewed at the corner of her mouth. 'I can't say I approve, because I have heard a lot of things from multiple people. But regardless of whether or not I like him, I am your mother and so I have to ask you what's happening with him and how it all was.'
'I'm too tired for this,' he muttered. 'And hung over.'
'I don't care. You are not going to rob me of my right to be a mother. You are going to tell me how it ended up happening, how it was and what happened after and in return, I will other how drunk you got.'
'Fine,' he grumbled, seeing that he really didn't have a choice and this was the only thing keeping him from being grounded for life. 'We snuck out the party and I told him I just wanted to stay friends, but then he kissed me. I told him he was mean for doing that, and he was kind of horrible after that, so I left and then Mikasa found me. Long story short, they almost got into a fight but Archer- that's Levi's brother- stopped them and took her away and then we had a fight and it was really sudden. I seriously don't want to talk about how it was!'
'I just want to know he took care of you. And by that, I mean he was a gentleman.'
Eren thought back to it. Levi had been passionate, racy, sexy as fuck, but was gentlemanly on that list? Yes, it was. He had tried to stop when he wasn't sure if Eren wanted to or not. To give it up at such a late stage was something not many people did with such grace, although they hadn't given up.
'Yes. He was very proper,' that was not the word for it. The memory of some of their wilder moments was evidence enough. But he would never have wanted slow and loving- it wasn't Levi's style, and if he hadn't enjoyed it then neither would Eren. Fiery didn't even begin to cover it; it had felt like a damn sauna in his mind. 'And this morning, I was so tired and hungover that I literally started crying, but he brought me aspirin and sat down with me and was just so nice about it all. We just spent the morning watching a movie and then he drove me home.'
'Wait, you were safe, right? Just because you won't get pregnant doesn't mean you can't catch something. I wish they'd teach you that at school.'
'Yes. Condom, check.'
'And he looked after you when you were crying?'
'I think it was the weight of what we'd done added to what my friends would think and then exhaustion and a hangover. Also, I looked like shit, and he still called me cute.'
'Aww, my baby boy is in loooove!' Carla sang, ruffling his hair affectionately.
'No I'm not!' He squirmed away, doing his best impression of ketchup.
'You've gone bright red.'
'No I haven't!'
'Eren, you're a terrible liar. You like him more than you want to admit. Was it just a one time thing?'
The person Eren trusted most in the world was his mum. She'd been amazing, raising him all on her own with no child support or benefits and still managing to give him what he considered to be a good standard of living. So in return, he liked to be as honest with her as the situation warranted.
'He's my kind of boyfriend. I accidentally said kind of, and he picked up on it. Also, I'm not telling anyone yet, okay?'
'You've got your first boyfriend! Oh, baby, I'm so proud,' she kissed his cheek and jumped up and down. 'My little boy is growing up!'
'Okay, stop...'

Levi was still smiling softly when Archer returned home late afternoon.
'You look... happy,' Archer eyed him warily. 'Who did you kill?'
'I look happy and the first thing you assume is that I've killed someone. Your faith in my morality is slightly underwhelming.'
'Sorry. So did you?'
'Did I what?'
'Kill anybody?'
'No. But I will kill you in a minute.'
'In which case I can only think that you had a fun night. And Eren equally?'
'Oh, I should think so,' Levi smiled a crooked smile, flicking his hair out of his eyes.
'I'm guessing you chased him out this morning- such is your usual treatment of bedfellows.'
'Stop speaking like that.'
'Désolée... I haven't visited England for at least 100 years.'
'I didn't chase him out, by the way.'
'Really?' He arched an eyebrow in surprise. 'I'm impressed. You showed him a different side of yourself last night, and you didn't push him away or hurt him. How did he react to it?'
'He cried. A lot.'
Archer snorted. 'He cried?'
'Like a fucking baby. He was still asleep when I left, so I got him some aspirin and when I came back he started sobbing over how he thought I'd taken advantage of him. I was terrified- I don't know what to do with crying people. I didn't do a very good job of comforting him, but he calmed down after a while and I may have let slip some feelings. Not enough to scare him, mind.'
'What'd you say?'
'Don't ask me that.'
'Was it lewd?'
'No, it's just I didn't even know it was true until I said it.'
'You're killing me here!'
'Fine, fine. I explained how much he has changed me. I'm just scared that I haven't changed enough.'
'Last night, you cracked completely, and I had to bail you out. Just like old times, huh? You seem changed to me. You probably would have tried to kill his friend yesterday if you hadn't.'
'Yeah, I guess,' he shrugged. 'How did you get on today?'
'I talked to a few people about that robbery you were worried about, seems it was completely unconnected to us and just some stupid human.'
'That's a relief. Thanks for covering for him last night, by the way.'
'What are brothers for if not helping their brother's friends sneak around?'
'There's gonna be a lot more of that.'
'Are you a thing now?' Archer was surprised yet again. Levi never had anything more than a brief fling, and even then they didn't begin with a friendship as long as this one. It was a miracle that he hadn't gotten bored and cut him off yet.
'Yep,' Levi looked bemused, just as stunned as his brother that somebody would want to stick around after he'd treated them like he had. Truly remarkable. 'Well, kind of. You know how complicated relationships are these days. Makes me almost nostalgic for the days when marriages were arranged by fathers.'
'You don't have a father,' Archer pointed out. 'And you are never getting married, because you are my brother and I know you wouldn't do that to me.'