Don't Let The Darkness Consume You

Chapter 22

Leo's POV

When Raph said that he would show me why he tried to kill himself, I wasn't sure what he meant. We continued walking through the sewers, letting go of each other's hand as we entered the lair.

"I'll be right back." Raph said, turning towards the dojo. I waited on the couch for Raph to come back. When he finally did, he had a piece of paper in his hand.

"Read this." He said, handing me the note. "Come to my room when your done."

"You're not going to stay here while I read it?" I asked.

"No." He whispered. "I don't want to see your reaction."

"Ok." I said, confused.

He walked to his room and I started reading.

Dear Family,

You made me think that the world would be better off without me, and I believe you. I'm sorry that I couldn't live up to your standards. I'm sorry I wasn't the best I could be. I'm sorry, but I had to leave. I couldn't handle the words pounding in my head, screaming at me, telling me that I wasn't good enough. Telling me that I didn't belong here. As mush as I hated myself, I still loved you. All of you. I don't blame you for anything, it was all my fault. I'm sorry I wasn't what you wanted, what you needed, but I was me. That should have been enough, but I'm sorry it wasn't.

Mikey,

One of my regrets of leaving this world is that I will never see your smile again, but after the past few weeks I realized that even if I did live, your smile would never be directed at me anyways. I guess that was one of my breaking points. Although it didn't seem like it, I really appreciated when you let me chase you around the lair after your pranks. It was a good way for me to blow off steam. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you when that happened. I'll miss you bro.

Donnie,

Although we never talked much and we never had much of a connection, I'll miss you. I'm sorry for yelling at you after spike got mutated. It was completely my fault. I'm sorry I always teased you about being the weakest. It's obvious to me now that the weakest of all of us is me. I hope you will continue making awesome inventions for the rest of our family. I hope your life will be better, knowing that you have one less person to take care of. Goodbye Donnie.

Leo,

I know it doesn't seem like it, but I'll miss you the most. As much as you hate me, I love you. I've wanted to tell you for years, but I was always scared of how you would react. I figured that now would be as good a time as any, considering the fact that I won't be around when you read this. I've loved you since we were little, when we used to hang out. We were so close I just thought it was brotherly love, I didn't realize then how much I actually loved you. Talking with you, laughing with you, being with you, changes my whole mood. I'm sorry I'm such a screwup. You made me love you even when I didn't love myself. I hope that I will remember you in the afterlife, but it was for the best. Your life will be better off with out me. One less burden to carry on your shoulders. One less person to worry about during patrol. One less brother to argue with. I love you Leo. I'm sorry.

Your brother,
Raphael

When I finished reading the letter, tears were streaming steadily down my face. I got up off the couch, running to Raph's room. When I entered the room Raph was laying on his bed, facing the ceiling. I ran to his bed, jumping on top of him.

"Leo, what are you-" I crashed my lips on his, not letting him finish his sentence.

When we pulled back, I whispered. "It was never your fault, Raph. It was an accident."

Raph wiped my tears saying, "I know that now, Leo, but I didn't at the time. I thought you all blamed me and when you talked about me behind my back, it didn't really help with the thought."

"I'm so sorry, Raphie." I said. "How can I ever make it up to you?"

"Kiss me." He whispered.

I laughed before kissing him again. I set my hand on his bed, pushing myself back up.

"I love you, Raph." I whispered, looking into his electric green eyes.

"I love you too, Leo." He said, drifting off to sleep.

I set myself down next to him, pulling him close, and closing my eyes as well.