trendsetter ☹ matthew e.

12%

"Please don't fall in love with any one else when I'm gone."

-

My feet hurriedly pounded against the concrete, me running the fastest pace I could to get to the last house on the block in time. I couldn't even imagine what would happen if Matthew left without him knowing that I still love him with all of my shattered heart.

My breath became heavy and my lungs ached against my body, making me realize how out of shape I had became when I sank into the depressive funk I created in my mind.

I had finally reached the last house, catching my breath but still keeping a frown on my face as I saw that there were no longer colorful decorations plastered throughout the garden and house of Matthew's parents, or that rainbow-like flag I had grown to love in the short years that I've known him.

Matthew was putting a big cardboard box in the back of his father's truck, I looked over and saw that his mother's car was filled with boxes too. I crept up behind Matthew, hugging him around his torso and putting my face into his back.

"I'm gonna miss you, a lot. Even though you might not miss me." I tried not to cry, I really did – but then tears started falling down my cheeks, and I just couldn't control myself.

Matthew sounded hurt as he talked. "I will always not be able to not love you."

He then turned around, me un attaching from his torso. His delicate eyes had started growing tired, a few tears forming in the corners too.

"I am sorry I have pulled away from you these past weeks, and I regret so much that I treated you how I did," Matthew paused, gripping my waist and entrapping me back into his love. "I didn't want to be gay, that's the honest truth. I didn't want to believe it, or be made fun of for it — so I left you behind, hoping that would fix me."

He inhaled a deep breath and let it out. "But it didn't, because every time you would walk pass me I would stare at you delicate cheeks or wavy hair without you noticing, I would admire your body that I have grown to love and wonder how those eyes of yours looked after all the hurt I put you through."

I tried to speak, but nothing came out. He wiped the tears that fell down my cheeks and kissed my forehead.

"I am so sorry for leaving you hanging when you needed me most. I am so sorry for pretending I didn't know what you were talking about the night that I got high because truthfully I remembered everything. I remember still how your lips felt against mine, and how your body oh so lovingly pressed against me, I remember the anger of your mothers face when she caught us and how I felt so engrossed in love when I had to leave." Matthew sobbed.

My eyes watered even more, realizing what he was about to say.

"And I remember most that I fell in love with you that night."

I couldn't take it anymore. With him listing so many reasons for me to love him, and how he secretly loved me — I reached up, grabbed his neck, pulled him down and smashed his lips onto mine. I missed the sweet taste that his lips left on mine, and how his tongue tasted like honeydew and left a lingering passion for me to hold onto. He gripped my waist even harder, lifting me up so I was on the truck and pulled me closer.

He disconnected the kiss to get air, putting our foreheads together as our heavy breathing mixed in with the vigorous passion in the air.

"Please don't fall in love with anyone else when I'm gone," Matthew pleaded, his eyes boring into mine.

I shook my head yes. "Who else would I love? No one even compares to you."

Matthew closed his eyes seeming relieved. "I love you so much, Alena."

My heart clenched and an inaudible whimper left my lips realizing that my dreams had come true. "I love you too Matthew."

But then the nightmares took over.

---

fuck.

My heart. My feels. My soul.

I LOVE YOU!!!!

HAVE A GOOD DAY OR NIGHT OR AFTERNOON OR MORNIG

xox, claire