Changing Past

Chapter 11: Forgotten

Quote of the Chapter:
'We all make mistakes. Don't let that be the reason you give up on somebody.'

                Michael's P.O.V

It's strange. It normally didn't end up like this in the movies. There were happily ever afters, marriages, the guy got the girl, it never turned out like this. I just had to remember that life wasn't a movie. Life sucked.

I didn't want us to be over. Whatever we had, it was way too soon to be done. I didn't expect her to actually pull off. The old her would have given in, but she's changed since the last time we actually had a relationship. She's more confident and self- reliant. She was beautiful, but most of the time she didn't realize it. I hated it, because every time I complimented her she never believed me, and now, hopefully, finally, she saw it.

I also didn't like that I probably just made the worst and dumbest mistake of my life. She gave me the ultimatum at first, which only made me think it was fair to return it when she tried to walk out on me. I should've stopped her, because I needed her way more than she did me. She didn't understand me, and never gave me the chance to explain what really happened that night.

Well, she did, she just didn't believe me. If I were her, I wouldn't have either. It all sounded like excuses, words and letters mixed together to form nothing. If I could go back and change it I would.

I would have never gone to that stupid party. I should have just planned a date, bought her flowers, and told her how undeniably gorgeous she was. I could've gone out to get sparkling apple cider, her favorite, but instead got myself stuck in a hole that I couldn't get out of. We were so young, we weren't 21 so we couldn't drink. It wasn't like me to follow the rules, let alone the law, but she was always so coherent with everything. I guess that's another reason I loved her.

It's so hard not to smile when I think back to everything that happened over the course of our relationship. A lot of good happened, but it seemed like there would always be a bad to overpower it. I shouldn't have ever laid a hand on her.

I felt like crap afterwards, and I still do. I remembered her pleading with me to leave, because she didn't want me there while I was "drunk." I just had to keep pushing for her to kiss me, because I was really that guy when I got intoxicated. I remembered that I grabbed her wrists before throwing her against the wall. She cursed at me and I grabbed her to make her look at me and then I hit her. I was going to hit her again, but when I lifted her up I noticed tears in her eyes. I dropped her and left. Just like that, everything that I had tried so hard to make work was gone.

I heard I gave her a black-eye, bruises, and a sprained arm. But I can't take it back now. It's too late. I couldn't recognize myself, or the person I was that night. I barely recognized my face in the mirror. A part of me was scared, because now I know that a part of me is like that, I never want to see that part of me again. I didn't see my own reflection... I swear I could see my father's. All I could see was him watching me. Analyzing every move that I made, and it made shivers go through my spine. Every time he beat me and hit my mother, I always wanted to just run and forget about everything.

I wanted to run away so badly, but I wouldn't ever want to be known as the coward who couldn't handle his daddy issues. I looked back on all of those memories and forced myself to think if he was alive where would I be. Probably in some mental institution while my mother probably still did drugs and smoked.

Hm. It's amazing to see how much has changed. How much I'd changed. It's been almost a full school year and not once have I thought about me. Every single thought that was in me always involved her and I couldn't stand it. I loved her and I hated it. Love, it's not something you have control over. When you fall in love with someone something just clicks.