phan oneshots

gods and monsters (fluff)

idea by @//garbagesivan on Twitter

summary: an au in which all living beings are gods and goddesses and belong to/rule a certain world.

Dan Howell as Erebus, God of Darkness

Phil Lester as Helios, God of Sun

Tyler Oakley as Eros (Cupid), God of Love and Lust

"Daniel!"

"Yes, Philly?" Dan giggled, dark eyes sparkling at the sight of a red-faced Helios storming towards him.

"You got dark tracks all over my clouds!" He groaned. "Now all the angels are pissed off!" His body shined, similar to a yellow glow stick in the dark. His eyes were a bright, bright blue and his figure hovered rather than walk on two feet.

Dan was different. He had a dark aura to him. His hair was dark, his eyes were dark and his soul was dark. But for some reason Phil just loved to shine a light on him.

"Sounds like a personal problem."

Phil crossed his arms. "Oh yeah?" He challenged, and then he shoved his hand out and pressed his palm against Dan's shoulder. Dan gasped out, looking down at the sparkling, yellow handprint now printed on his clothes.

"You dick!"

"Hey, watch your language! The angels will hear you," Phil snapped, and Dan rolled his eyes, hopping off the table to stand over Phil.

"They can all suck my-"

Phil swung his arm and quickly clamped a hand over Dan's mouth, silencing him. Dan snarled and grabbed his arm, but as soon as he managed to remove his hand, Phil burst out laughing.

"It's all over your face."

Dan went wide-eyed and rushed over to the mirror, startling the sleeping Hellhounds behind him. They perked their ears and rose.

And sure enough, Phil's glowing hand print was stained on his face. It looked as if somebody had thrown firefly butts at him, making the lower region of his head shine.

"Not so dark anymore, huh Erebus?" Phil smirked behind him, and Dan swung around and pinned him to the wall. He could already see his darkness seeping through Phil's clothes as he struggled to get away from Dan.

And Phil's mind clicked and then he grabbed Dan's hair and ruffled it. Sparkles rained down onto his strains, staining it with pastel yellow.

"Stop it!" Dan whined. "I swear, I'm gonna kill y-" he cut himself off when something pierced his left ass cheek, jumping and dropping Phil. He cried out in pain and wobbled around, trying to see what punctured him. "What the hell just stabbed me in the ass?"

"Language!" Phil scolded, still breathless from wrestling with the other God.

"My bad!" A cackle rang out and the two turned to see the Cupid, Tyler. "We always aim for the leg but the arrow just loves butts. Granted, I do too, so no shaming here."

"Well what the hell was that for?"

"You might not wanna say hell when you're right in front of an technological angel," Tyler jutted out his hip, bow slung loosely on his perched arm and bag of arrows on his back.

"Trust me, I've already tried to get him to stop," Phil rolled his eyes.

Dan hurried to the mirror and stared at the weapon still in his skin, moaning in pain. "How do I get it out?"

"Only the first person you look at can take it out," Tyler explained. Dan furrowed his eyebrows. "That isn't a Cupid."

Dan switched his gaze to Phil, who skipped over and tugged on the arrow, but it wouldn't budge.

"Why isn't it coming out?" Dan cried. Tyler giggled.

"By said person I mean. . ." He trailed off, and Dan was still looking down when he heard the pulling of the bow and it being shot. He winced when he heard Phil cry out. "The person who was also shot."

Phil turned to look at Dan's face when Tyler spoke up again.

"There's a catch though, you'll be in love right after you lock eyes."

They both froze, and Tyler snickered. "See ya!" He waved, and then all it took was the snap of his fingers and he disappeared.

Dan groaned and Phil exhaled, tiptoeing forward and pulling the arrow out. There wasn't even any blood since the weapon was charmed. Dan then turned and pulled Phil's out.

"Crap!" Phil whined from in front of Dan, and then flew a hand over his mouth. "Oh no- our Father who art in heaven, hallow be thy name. . ." Dan zoned out. "I hope I don't go to hell for that."

Dan hid a smile. "You do realize that you're exactly there, right?"

"Oh, right, sorry," Phil apologized sheepishly. "So um, I guess we just never look at each other again then?"

"I suppose," Dan shrugged. "You might wanna get to cleaning up the tracks in your World."

"Yeah," Phil sighed. "I'll see you. Wait, nevermind, because unless you wanna fall in love then-"

Dan spun on his heel and grabbed Phil by the shoulders, forcing him to turn and then they locked eyes.

But Dan didn't feel any different, and Phil didn't seem to either by his reaction.

"Yikes, I guess we're in love now?" Phil tried to joke, a blush arising to his pale cheeks.

"Shut up, Helios," Dan smiled, and then he pulled Phil by the collar of his shirt and kissed him. Phil gasped in surprise but instantly responded, wrapping his arms around the taller one's neck.

"Watch your language, there's angels near!"

"And there's one right in front of me, now shut up and kiss me again."

Phil blushed and darted his eyes down to Dan's glowing lips. "You're glowing."

"And you're dulling."

"And you're really, really pretty."

"And you talk too much."

Then they kissed again. And again. And again.

And by that point, neither of them cared if the Angels were listening or watching.

But they did have to buy a new pair of pants without a hole where their buttcheek should be.