phan oneshots

one day (angst)

summary: dan is dead and phil sees his ghost

tw// mentions of suicide

I had a friend named Dan.

When he and I were five we would play at each other's houses and go to the park. I used to be able to touch him.

But now when I try to touch him, I can't feel it and he can't either. In fact, my hand goes straight through him. I don't get it.

Mum tells me he's dead. That I heard that gunshot and that's why I'm so messed up. But he can't be! He's right in front of me, don't you see? Why don't you see him? Why don't you hear him?

You see, Daniel wasn't happy. At all. His parents were mean to him and I and would never let me come over, he always had to sneak out to meet me at the park.

I remember the night when we were hiding under the playground after three am when we both snuck out, and we were talking and giggling and playing with your flashlight.

Then my best friend looked at me and I looked at him, and then he kissed me.

I was only eight years old and you're only ten, Dan! And I'm supposed to kiss girls, so why do I like this so much better?

You quickly pulled away and apologized and ran back home.

The next day when we were supposed to meet up at the park, you didn't show up. I walked over to your house and heard shouting, then a door slamming. Everything was silent and I ended up sitting outside, hoping you'd look out your window and see me. But the longer I looked at your window without you looking back at me, the more I doubted you'd see me.

And that's when I heard it. A gunshot. Then came the screaming, and I stood up and ran all the way home crying. I didn't understand what the hell had happened, but now I do. I wish I didn't.

I cried on mum after telling her what happened but the next day she told me you were gone.

"Is he gonna meet me at the park tomorrow, mum?" I asked the woman holding me to her chest as I cried.

She shook her head. "No, Philly."

I sniffled. "Will he ever come back?"

A single tear ran down her cheek and she looked down at me. "No, Phil. He's gone forever."

I nodded and fell asleep without you that night.

But the next night I woke up and saw you standing there, turned away from me, a torn hole in the side of your head.

"Dan?" I mumbled sleepily. You turned and smiled at me. "What are you doing here? Mummy said you were gone forever."

"I am gone to them, Phil. You just have a better imagination than them," my best friend grinned. I stared at the hole in his head.

"That hole in your head is scary," I told Dan, holding my pillow to my chest. Dan chuckled sadly.

"It's reality- of course it's scary."

I didn't understand what you meant but I fell asleep with you that night.

Late at night when I couldn't sleep Dan climbed into bed next to me and sang me to sleep until I felt better.

When I got home from school we would do my homework together since he couldn't leave my house.

When I'm sad he reached out to wipe my tears, but he couldn't.

Dad tells me I have schizophrenia. That means to see things that aren't there, right? But I was nine, I think I'd know if you were real or not.