phan oneshots

let him go (angst)

inspired by (that one episode of) Supernatural and Let Her Go by Passenger

summary: Dan is in a coma and Phil can't let him go.

"I'll wait for you, I promise."

Those were the words Phil told his best friend before they met in person. Dan was scared, scared of rejection and lies, and Phil was willing to wait, and he did. He did and everything worked out.

Until now.

It's been months. But it felt like years. Watching his best friend slowly fade to nothingness in a hospital bed was never on Phil's wishlist, but Dan slipped into a coma and Phil couldn't pull the plug. The doctors tell him there's no hope left, that there's barely a chance of him waking up.

But Phil couldn't give up, because Dan never gave up on him either.

He visited every single day, sometimes staying so late he'd end up falling asleep in the chair next to his best friend's bed. He brought all his favorite things. He dressed him in his favorite shirt. He combed his hair. He even brought his bedsheets so Dan felt home, even if he wasn't home.

Sometimes Phil would rant about things, other times he'd read him stories. Sometimes he'd even crack jokes, but they weren't funny if there was no laughter that followed- only the sound of Dan's monitor would respond and Phil was tired of hearing the same replies. Hearing the same. . . nothing.

He missed Dan's loud laugh, he missed hearing his yelling when he'd beat him at Mario Kart, he missed Dan's soft voice when it was late but they couldn't sleep, he missed his grumpy morning voice when Phil would wake him up for breakfast, he even missed his shouting when they got in fights.

He missed Dan.

And Dan knew that, dead or alive. The doctors said that even in a coma, Dan could hear every word Phil said. Every joke the blue-eyed boy cracked, he hoped Dan was laughing somewhere else. Maybe that was why he tried so hard. Maybe that was why he visited everyday, because he knew somehow and someway that Dan was awaiting his arrival.

It was late right now, the past midnight kind of late, and Phil was laying next to Dan in his bed.

"Hey Dan?" Phil began. "Remember when it got this late, the past midnight kind of late, and you'd pace back and forth through our thin walls and I'd hear you and we'd talk and talk until you felt better?" And unsurprisingly, Dan didn't respond. And unsurprisingly, Phil started crying. "Remember when you had a nightmare that I died, and you woke me up at four in the morning crying and we went back to that 24-hour ice cream parlor? You got chocolate and I got vanilla, I remember it all."

He twisted his head and looked at the monitor of Dan's heart and feeling a tear slip from his eye. "Remember when. . . when I got the call that you were in a car crash, and I- I was home and you weren't and I was so scared you wouldn't ever come back and I couldn't stop crying, I barely heard the paramedics over my own sobs. I went to see you straight away, and I hated what I saw. Dan, you were so pretty, this is ugly, I don't like seeing you looking so. . . lifeless. You were covered in scratches and forming bruises and your hair was all tangled, your hair I used to force you to not straighten. And your hand was in a bandage, your hand I used to hold when you got scared during horror movies. And you. You, yourself- the one I was lucky enough to meet out of seven billion people. All these people in the world, Dan, and you're mine. . . All these accidents and you were in one. You didn't deserve this, you don't deserve this, you deserve to be happy- that's all I've ever wanted for you."

"I just feel kind of. . . empty. I knew one of us would die first, I figured hey, maybe Dan and Phil should just be Dan and Phil because if one disappeared, it wouldn't be okay. I figured hey, maybe I shouldn't depend so much on this boy for my happiness but I did, dammit, I did and now it's been months and you're dying and I'm. . . I'm here," Phil took a shaky breath, wiping his face. "I wonder what you're dreaming about. I hope it's pleasant, and I hope you wake up from it. But for now, I'll wait. I'll be right here to hold you when you wake up. Because you're going to wake up. I believe in you, remember?"

Phil finally looked down at Dan. He examined his features. His sickly pale skin. His stitched wounds. His chapped lips and shut eyelids. Phil reached down and took his best friend's hand, squeezing it as more tears fell.

"Don't give up on me okay? I can't let you go. Not right now, and I don't think I ever will be able to. I love you, Dan."

And he was hoping this was the cliché part where the brunette suddenly awakens and declares he loves him too. But not all stories have a happy ending, and Phil's is one of those.

"I'll wait for you. I promise."

And if saying those words got Dan to hug him, he was willing to repeat them until they met again.