phan oneshots

come back to me (angst)

tw// major tear warning, I cried while writing this. this is the most emotional oneshot I've ever written so prepare yourselves.

summary: Phil dies and Dan builds a time machine to try to go back and prevent his death

//inspired by TATINOF itself, no spoilers but if you've seen the show then you know

"I know you miss him, but he'd want you to be happy."

Dan glared up at his friend Cat, the rest of his friends behind her. They were at his best friend's funeral yet she had the audacity to say he should be happy.

"I know that, but Phil knew me better than anyone- he knows I'm not. He knows he was the only one that made me happy in the first place."

"Dan-"

"And I'd like someone very special to Phil to come up here."

Dan flinched, looking up and making eye contact with Mrs. Lester. He couldn't do this. He couldn't hold it together. All eyes were on him and he rose cautiously, shuffling to the stage and moving towards the microphone.

"I'm-" he cut himself off, realizing how hoarse his voice sounded from crying. His throat clogged up instantly, eyes watering upon seeing how many people were here. Phil's family was first row, every single one of them in tears. Dan cleared his throat, squeezing his eyes shut. "I'm Dan, I'm Phil's best friend. I was his best friend."

Martyn, Phil's brother, choked back a sob.

"Phil, um. . . Phil and I met over the internet. . . we decided to meet up and that- that was the best decision I ever made. Suddenly years went by and we decided to move in together. Again, another very good decision. He made me smile when I didn't think I could anymore and he made me laugh when I lost all sense of humor. If I had a nightmare, he was there to hold me until I knew I was okay, if I had a bad day he was there to remind me that there are better days to come. And he was right."

"We spent weeks together, getting used to our new home and each other. We learned more and more about each other each day and I never tired of it. But I knew that I shouldn't be so attached. I shouldn't get this close to him, I shouldn't rely on him so much, I shouldn't love him this much, because if something were to happen to him-" Dan was talking fast until cutting himself off, putting his fist against his mouth to hold back cries. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he struggled to speak. "If something were to happen to him, I would be all alone."

Everybody was silent, only stifled sniffles and small murmurs echoed across the building.

"And something did, and I don't know what to do. It was fine, we were fine, then suddenly he's dead, my best friend is dead- my favorite person in the entire world is gone and he took everything I gave him when he left. He took my happiness, he took my love, he took my laughter. I haven't smiled ever since he passed and I haven't laughed. It takes everything in me just to get out of bed. It takes everything in me just to keep breathing. I just. . . I don't know how to be okay without him."

His friends were crying too now.

"I was very unhappy when I met him and it felt like. . . it felt like each minute I looked at him or heard his voice, I knew. . . I told myself that everything was going to be alright. I felt content knowing that he was next to me in my life, knowing that he was my first best friend after eighteen years and, at this point, my last. He's seen me cry, we've gotten in fights, he's seen me scared- he's seen me at the lowest points in my life but not once did he ever fail to bring me right back up. Not once did he fail to make me feel loved, or comfortable, or giggly- he was the light in a dark room to anybody and everybody he met. And now. . . now that light is gone and I don't wanna find another one. I don't wanna find my way through it, I can't- Phil was irreplaceable and he always will be."