99 Steps

Step 27: Regret

Mark and Jack had kind of made up, but not entirely. There was still a few things that Jack wanted explained, but Mark was sleeping now, because it was nearly one in the morning. The green haired man wanted to be sleeping, believe it or not, he just couldn't. When he couldn't sleep, he usually started thinking, which was never a good thing either.

Jack was thinking back to when he was here for about three months, and everything just seemed to be so much better. Jack hated that point. He also started thinking about small little things the two teens did together, bits of memories coming back in whirls.

The silence of the bedroom made it that much easier to drift off into his head, only to be snapped out of it; the arm around his stomach pulled him back, and the hand that was on his side pushed down underneath his bottoms, digging at the bare skin on his hip.

"Why are you still up?" Mark's deep gravelly voice asked hushly in his ear. It sent chills down his back, making him twitch against Mark's chest.

"I can't sleep." Mark let out a sigh, placing delicate kisses along the nape of Jack's neck. It felt good at first, but then Mark's fingernails dug into his hip again, scraping off layers of skin. The smaller man shifted away quickly, only the be pulled back harshly.

"Just close your eyes." More kisses. "Just close your eyes and think about how tired you really are."

"Mark..." Jack wanted to bring up the fact that he couldn't sleep because he wasn't tired - yet he hadn't slept properly in a few days. He didn't end up saying anything, which just led Mark to move to kissing his shoulder.

"Shh, just go to bed babe." Jack didn't say anything after that, he just let his body go limp as of he was asleep - or dead. He didn't know how to tell Mark to stop, or to ask him to let him go, or even to tell him to get out of his room. So Jack just sat there, as a drowsy Mark slowly moved his hand down thigh. Mark lazily brought his finger tips lightly back to Jack's hip bone, which started to jut out of his body again. Mark dropped his finger tips down, across his lower abdomen, as best as he could to his other hip. Then back again, pulling him back to be flush against his own body.

"Good night." He whispered softly into Jack's ear before closing his eyes and going back to sleep. Jack laid there, not moving. After a while he thought about getting up and playing music, but he told himself that in order to do that, he would actually have to get out of bed.

After a while, Jack decided that cookies sounded appetizing. Again, he tried to discourage himself, but he really wanted to make cookies. Careful to not wake Mark, the green haired man pushed himself out of bed and tip toed up the stairs to the kitchen. Of course, he brought his phone with him; after all, could you really expect him to have the recipe for chocolate chip cookies memorized?

As quietly as he could, Jack was sitting on the counter top with the bowl of raw cookie dough in his lap, licking it off a spoon. He did actually want cookies, the only problem was he had to wait for the oven to preheat - seeing as he forgot to earlier.

The longer he sat and waited, even though it was just going to be a few minutes, the more Jack just wanted to go back down stairs and not finish baking. He was still sitting there, staring at the timer when it beeped.

Jack sat and looked at it, not finding it in him to really get up and move. Once it beeped a second time, Mark moved to Jack from his spot in the living room where he stayed unseen.

"You know how annoying that s, right?" Mark didn't question why his boyfriend was making cookies at two in the morning. All he saw was Jack jump up on the counter and stay there. The red haired boy watched the other's face slowly look more and more defeated, along with his shoulders drooping more and more. Now it looked like Jack was about to slip off the counter top and melt into a puddle of sadness on the wood flooring.

Jack just let out a sigh, looking at Mark as he took the green bowl out of his lap and moved it aside so he wouldn't drop it.

"I thought you were up here all happy and making cookies not even ten minutes ago?" Mark grabbed his hands, looking at Jack.

"Yeah, but ten minutes ago I didn't realize how stupid I am for thinking that by making cookies I could actually do something good." He was speaking quietly, making it difficult for Mark - who was still half asleep - to understand him.

"You're not making any sense so clearly you need some cookies and then some sleep." Mark stepped away to put the cookie dough on the pan so they could have a late night snack. Once they were in the oven, Mark turned back to Jack.

"Do you remember when we went to the fair and there was that little girl?" Jack smiled - though apparently it was just in his head. "Doesn't that make you want to have a little girl? One to raise and teach wrong from right?" Jack scoffed, cutting Mark off.

"We could never do that, so what's the point in even thinking about it?"

"Well," Mark took a few moments to think and walked in front of Jack, placing his hands on his knees. "We could move in together, buy a house and build a life. We could adopt a little girl, and she'd probably want a dog." He chuckled, looking to try and read Jack's expression.

"Really? You think we're going to just live happily ever after? Everything is just going to fall into place and be something perfect out of some story book?" He started yelling, his voice cracking a few times. "Mark, life isn't like that. Bad shit happens and everything goes down hill for certain people, and sometimes those people pull others close and they tumble down together!"

"Jack, baby. It's not just going to fall into place, we are going to have to work for it and it will happen. Okay?"

"And what about my mother? I'm just never going to go back to see her?"

"I thought she disowned you? She sent you away?" Mark reached up, wiping a tear off Jack's cheek.

"Just you wait! I'll go back to Ireland to see her and get my stuff and you'll never hear from me! It's how those kinds of things work, Mark!"

"Jack, please don't.."

"No, I'm not going to lie to myself, I'll wind up back there and we'll never see eachother. You'll probably find someone else and, and," Jack broke into tears before he could continue.

"I'll remember that, and when we are living in a house on the lake, I'll bring this night up."

Jack cried into Mark's shoulder, ignoring the fact that the cookies would burn soon. 'You're really going to regret this one, Jack. Good going.'